|Reviews for A New Life, A New Story|
| OseanSoldier chapter 9 . 12/4/2013
Hmmm.. Well I certainly didn't see any of that coming... I was expecting Ari to be turned into a Pokemon, I wasn't expecting a shinx, I and for sure wasn't expecting him to be raised up by a trainer...
When you said training under Mew Two, I was expecting a legendary and for him to be trained under, well Mew Two...
There were two errors that stuck out to me: you had "shure" instead of "sure" and you repeated the word "danger" back to back.
The info on the other two parties is interesting, Latias and Mew Two's little talk doesn't do much, but it does what is necessary. As far as Leah and Carlos, that was more necessary, that little bit of information was important as it puts the two main parties on a crash course, should be interesting to see what happens then.
As far as this chapter goes, it wasn't quite what I was expecting, but its your story so you do what you want. Great job again and I look forward to your next chapter.
| OseanSoldier chapter 8 . 10/25/2013
Interesting. Nice chapter overall, a few nice surprises. Can't wait for your next chapter.
| OseanSoldier chapter 7 . 10/11/2013
Well... That is certainly most interesting, but why the sudden change in heart from Lucario. I mean a few chapters ago he was " sorry got what I wanted, your on your own" and now he is helping? Where were they during that entire fight? The timing just seems weird to me ... Oh well. Still a nice chapter. Cannot wait for your next one.
| Guest chapter 6 . 10/5/2013
Hey, great job! This is awesome! Looking forward to another update!
| OseanSoldier chapter 6 . 9/26/2013
Okay I take back the jerk comments, HE IS A MEGA JERK DOUCHE BAG! Ohhh that ending... Now I have to wait. Keep up the good work and I hope to see and update soon!
| OseanSoldier chapter 5 . 9/26/2013
Sorry for not getting to this again sooner, life kinda got busy. Wow that guy is a jerk. Of all the nerve I have seen in antagonists, that guy takes the cake. Also, that Lucario be a jerk too... The review was brought to you by the word jerk, don't be a jerk.
Also liked the revised ending of the last chapter, good job!
| TheHuntressofstories chapter 5 . 8/25/2013
Okay, he has a Giratina? That's lovely. That's very lovely.
The reasoning behind the new Team Rocket is laughable. I love how you used the motto(blasting off at the speed of light; a rocket taking off to protect the world :D) to make Team Rocket seem just.
The language; GAH! THE AMOUNT OF TIMES THE WORD SAID IS USED IN THIS IS NOT FUNNY!
Don't take it the wrong way, but as the reviewer I have to point out your flaws. Because when the flaws are shown, they can be fixed.
'Stated', 'Replied', 'Responded', 'Retorted', 'Huffed', 'Countered'.
Also, the big blocks of text are just too much. You could break it down by making Ari or Latias ask him a question, or just state something sarcastically. It would steer the conversation where you wanted it to go, and it would be easy on the eyes.
Please don't take this the wrong way, (or any of my reviews). I care for this story, and I want to see it shine, and that's why I review every chapter and add suggestions. And this is your first story. For a first, its amazing. Great job once again, and I hope to see an update soon! :)
| TheHuntressofstories chapter 4 . 8/25/2013
Wow! A Lucario and a Charizard! And I liked the planning and plotting in this chapter. I also liked how the grunt thought a Team-mate was playing a prank on him. It's how most people would react.
I also like how we now understand that Latias is a playful Pokemon. But in all truthfulness, her personality should have darkened. I mean, Bianca is dead! It would have to affect her, even a little bit.
And so should Ari. What we need is for Ari and Latias to have a discussion about what they lost because of Team Rocket. It would strengthen the bond between them, and also allow the reader to become more in sync with the characters.
Once again, great job!
| TheHuntressofstories chapter 3 . 8/25/2013
Wow, Ari has a Latias! Nice twist there!
The only problem with the language in this one is that when Ari discovers that Bianca is now dead, he says.
"Damn these rockets! How can someone be so heartless and cruel towards innocent people? People like them don't deserve to even be alive' I said. I've never been so angry in my life.
The problem with this is that Ari, 'said' it. There are so many different ways that could covey emotion. 'Growled', 'Gasped', 'stated as I felt the hot burn of angry tears creeping into my eyelids'
But that's all I picked up on. Great job!
| TheHuntressofstories chapter 2 . 8/25/2013
Oooh, the language in this is much better than the last chapter. It's a little short, but its full of terror and panic. I was at the edge of my seat.
A few things; the word yelled is repeated a little too much for my liking( yes, yes, I'm fussy, I admit it). Some synonyms for this are-
'Shouted', 'Screamed', 'Hollered' are all similes that can be used in place of yelled.
And as for the last review, where I'm at its a little too early and my brain is still in bed. I referred to a synonym as a simile. Sorry about that. I had already pressed the post review button before I realized what I'd done.
Great job with this chapter!
| TheHuntressofstories chapter 1 . 8/25/2013
This is pretty good! I like how Professor Oak tells Ari 'He became the best, like no-one ever was'
I would suggest that before you continue writing chapters, to build on your characters. Ari and Leah get along, but that's all we learn. Leah is young and innocent, and Ari is protective of her, but he doesn't warn her about Team Rocket. I would assume a protective older brother would tell her something like 'be careful of the wilds' or 'Train your Pokemon and catch lots of them, so they can protect you' or even 'Don't forget to pack extra food in the bag that mom got for you!'
I also suggest trying to find similes. I read the word asked a few times, but I think 'wondered aloud', 'quizzed', 'questioned'.
Or if you would like to use asked 'but what happened to ash?' Ari asked, his eyes curious, demanding an answer to his query
Overall, the first chapter in your first story, and its pretty good. Better than my first story anyway. Great job!
| OseanSoldier chapter 4 . 7/18/2013
Ah yes, Latias and pranks. Such an enjoyable activity.
My one major complaint about this chapter is the events that follow releasing Lucario from his ball. It seems rushed. I would suggest actually typing out a conversation instead of saying one happened. Its much more engaging this way as well. I would say the same goes for Charizard. Other than that, this is a pretty solid chapter!
| OseanSoldier chapter 3 . 7/17/2013
Okay, you might want to give this chapter another proof reading as I found several small errors. Nothing major, just some misplaced words. Other than that, this was another great chapter! Keep up the good work!
| OseanSoldier chapter 2 . 7/17/2013
Well, I did not see that coming, at all. So nice surprise. Also quite sad... Great job with this chapter!
| OseanSoldier chapter 1 . 7/17/2013
Hmm, interesting. I would say this has potential. Lots of questions that need to be answered. Will see how chapter two goes.