|Reviews for How to make him see me|
| Lady Vyxen chapter 11 . 2/27
I'm usually a fan of stories with going back/forward in time, but this was a major disappointment to me. I couldn't get past this chapter, really...
First - how would Harry buy a house in the FUTURE and own it in the PAST, or leave a letter for Dumbledore? Think about it, or leave a lenghy explanation of how it would work and why.
Second - why wouldn't he choose to meet Severus AFTER Hogwarts? Dumbledore would never, in a million years agree to something like that. Your plot could work when Severus was a Death Eater and wasn't restricted with school rules anymore.
Third - Severus has feeling for Harry after one day? Really? O.o Do you really think so low of gay people, that they are so shallow, that they want to jump into relationship just because the sex was good? Besides cling to some points in the original plot of Harry Potter to justify how Severus loved James but preferred to say he loved Lily, because gay relationships were frowned upon in Wizarding World. Or something like that. Don't summarize it, "show, don't tell". Your reader are not stupid, you could write it indirectly and let them fill the gaps with imagination.
I think that third point was the one which put me off completely. You made some bunch of OC's which you named Severus and Harry, but they're NOT canon characters in the slightest.
Severus, my beloved SEverus is a very closed person and it would take a LOT of time for him to open up to anyone. Especially if he was a gay to add to all bad and hard things he encountered in his life.
And a ring? Just after sex? You really couldn't wait and develop any relationship between them? Please read the story "The moment it began" of Sindie. She made a perfect Severus, just as he was. Try to replace Lily in his life with James or Harry and see how difficult man Severus is. It's the most challenging character to write, the most complex one and you flattened him in this story so much that it hurts me to read it.
As to the writing itself - it's written as a bad summary of something and the characters talk like computer bots. It's like "Hello we have nice weather." "Yes, it's true the weather is nice."
And mistakes like "Harry was acception, instead of exception." I'm not a native speaker, but I do everything for my spelling to be decent. I know that some words sound similar, but mean different things. And "he's book" instead of "his book" - it's essential to check it up before posting, because Ms Word won't tag it as a typo.
Please, reconsider things which I pointed out in your story. I don't want you to think that I want to insult you or your story, but if I thought it was completely horrible, I wouldn't make an effort to write review this long. I would just write that it's un-readable and that's all.
I understand that we are all learning and my own stories aren't perfect, but reviews are to make people reconsider and correct their work. I hope that you'll take my criticism to your heart and improve your story.
| ripper34 chapter 32 . 2/10
| DJ8210 chapter 7 . 1/25
I thought I would like this story since the idea is nice, but the writing is kind of bad. The characters talk like robots and the tale seems dull because the sentences are written like how you would write an essay.
| Alie-yaoi chapter 32 . 7/13/2014
| wannabe kairi chapter 1 . 5/27/2014
| Ashlin Raine chapter 32 . 4/18/2014
Um, you know that in the books that Molly (Prewett) Weasley had two brothers, twin brothers, right?
Just thought I would say that.
I like how you ended this. It was a great story. It's going to be added to my list of Favorites.
| Ashlin Raine chapter 8 . 4/18/2014
I have to ask, did you change a fact about becoming an Animagus? I was curious as in the books, you don't get to choose what you would become.
I love the story so far. Can't wait to find out how it ends.
| emmettcullenlover45 chapter 32 . 3/16/2014
Normally I don't read Mpreg but this story was really good. I really liked it!
| Gleas chapter 32 . 2/25/2014
Brilliant... just a thought... what if Severus also got pregnant but back in time? :o that'd be interesting Harry has a child before he's born lawl! Absolutely wonderful story, as always!
| reader chapter 12 . 2/3/2014
So, an incomplete completion?
| firebolthallow1572 chapter 32 . 12/22/2013
I like it but why didn't you let Minerva get to see the twins and hold then?
| Jamie Theobald chapter 32 . 8/23/2013
That was a fabulous story! I loved every minute of it! Keep up the great work!
| Jamie Theobald chapter 31 . 8/23/2013
Aww a boy and a girl soooooo cute
| Jamie Theobald chapter 30 . 8/23/2013
Oh wow twins didn't see that coming
| Jamie Theobald chapter 29 . 8/23/2013
The Dungeon Bat no longer will have his fearful reputation after this. fantastic chappie