|Reviews for Two Hearts, One Soul|
| Godschildtweety chapter 6 . 12/4/2013
| Chewie Cookies chapter 6 . 11/30/2013
Great fic so far, friend! Melikey! The fluff, especially, is top notch!
Keep up the good work!
| Done4Now chapter 1 . 11/2/2013
Hey Tito! Looks like you've got a pretty awesome story so far. I'm going to give some personal feedback, so please don't take any offense, and if you do, PM me.
Get a beta-reader to look over your grammatical mistakes, and if not that, research and edit them yourself. Second thing, I highly recommend going through your sentences and adding as many adjectives as you possibly can:
"They look into each other's eyes, smile, and gently kiss before starting to walk to the shelter nearest Konoha."
This can be revised and embellished with some personification:
"Lavender irises connected shyly with bright cerulean orbs before a small smile appeared on both teens' faces. Naruto leaned in to gently place a chaste kiss on her soft lips, weaving his fingers into hers as they began their walk to the nearest shelter from the Hokage's tower."
Don't be afraid to make your sentences longer; reader WANT to read more as long as the quality of the work given is superb. My third recommendation? Change up your tenses:
"He blushed the way you used to around me all the time only he didn't faint." Naruto gathers Hinata into his arms. "You know, I feel so silly not noticing..."
Revised once more, "He blushed the way you used to around me, except he didn't faint," Naruto wrapped his arms around her petite form, his chin resting on her shoulder so his breath tickled her ear. "You know, I feel so silly not noticing..."
See what I mean? Writing in present tense gives lack to adjectives, which thus leads to non-descriptive writing.
As for your writing, I understand that you are a writer yourself and you have your own expression, so please, continue doing what you think is most comfortable for you. Remember, when you post up a chapter, it shouldn't be a competition with how many reviews you get, but rather, expressing your ideas and thoughts with a community that shares the same interests as you.
You're doing a great job :)
| dbtiger63 chapter 6 . 10/22/2013
Good quiet and emotional update. They are finally engaged! Love the gifts and hope before the war begins Naruto grows much stronger. Now, he truly has someone more precious and more important than his own life to protect with Hinata.
| MidnightHunter74 chapter 6 . 10/21/2013
the revisions you did helped the story flow a bit better then i remember, and with the exception to one place in this chapter( mainly where you refer to what he looked like in his new digs) i'm still really liking this story. keep up the great work and i hope you update soon.
| Ayrmed chapter 6 . 10/20/2013
Nice work on this chapter.
| MidnightHunter74 chapter 9 . 8/26/2013
I'm really liking the direction that you are taking with your story and i'm really looking forward to what is to come. Everything from Naruto's confession to the SS-rank mission (which really make sense) all the way to the proposal. I'm really looking forward to what is to come and how you'll incorporate the war in the series into this(assuming that you still do that). keep up the great work and i'm really looking forward to your next chapter.
| SpartanM60 chapter 9 . 8/26/2013
Ohmygoshohyesohman! I was waiting for this update! Absolutely lovely, can't wait for the next chapter, keep up the great work!
| vashman7 chapter 9 . 8/26/2013
Now if only Kishimoto would do the same...
| Serious Sam chapter 9 . 8/26/2013
Very nice chapter...quick but good. You hit all the right points with the story.
Don't let writers block get you down! Good job and please update soon!
| Hyper-Blossom Z chapter 9 . 8/10/2013
Please update Soon!
| Hyper-Blossom Z chapter 8 . 8/10/2013
you might wanna remove this chapter, A/N chapters are against the rules.
| Vash chapter 9 . 8/4/2013
Short, but sweet. Can't believe only 22 follows? I hope you continue the story.
| denisse.garcia.543908 chapter 9 . 8/6/2013
keep it up
| denisse.garcia.543908 chapter 8 . 8/6/2013
don't stop writing the story your doing great so far and you don't need to have a lot of followers as long as your satisfied with how the story is going and as long as some people like it you shouldn't stop writing because if started writing fan-fiction its probably because you enjoyed it i mean i enjoy your writing and do your followers