|Reviews for The First Date|
| Old Uncle Johnny Pilgrim chapter 1 . 8/7/2009
Oof. This story comes to me like a punch to the gut.
Opening with the crappiest theme song from one of Hannah Barbera's worst ideas is a fitting beginning to one of Moore's worst fanfics. Lana and, uh... Stacy (You remember, she was in the show... kind of) go on a date because Mark Moore wants to stroke his manhood good and hard. But of course, I think he was starting to do that when, uh... Stacy started air guitaring a spatula while cooking a Poptart in a frying pan.
So they go and do stuff like eat at a fancy restaraunt and play footsies under the table. We're also treated to some more horrid writing, coming to us in the form of bite-sized sentences that describe little to nothing at all and require fourteen such sentences in quick succession to move the story along.
Then they go to a dance club where more hilarious hijinks ensues, like deciding that it was stupid scene and going bowling instead. Oh, Mark Moore, you're such a genius writer. No one could crumple up a scene and throw it away yet still have it hang out there like a rotted testicle like you can.
So anyway, they go bowling, and while they do so, they speak of unimportant things like what their favorite shows are and such. Look, it's great that some girls are loveably nerdy, but this is taking it way too far. How? BECAUSE IT GOES ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON.
Also in this scene we get Lana speaking out about the evils of caffeine when, uh... Stacey offers her a coffee. Mark, I don't care what you believe, some people just drink coffee because they like coffee, NOW LET IT GO. I mean, good GOD IT'S A YES OR NO QUESTION.
So she orders a Pepsi instead... which also has caffeine. This is usually the part where I take a shirt fom my closet and scream obsceniies into it, so it's what I suggest you do too.
So then, Mark writes a scene where, uh... Stacy reveals a bit about herself OH HOLY CRAP CHARACTER DEVELOPEMENT! Well, going along with everything else Moore writes, he seems to believe that fathers are inherintly evil and/or irresponsible, a theme that makes itself a little too obvious. Honestly, it makes me worry.
Then Lana and Stacey call it a night, kiss, the end. Thank God it's over. However, if Lana is a princess, don't you think she'd have more important things to do than watch Josie and the Pussycats all day?