Reviews for The Quack Heard Round the World
Old Uncle Johnny Pilgrim chapter 1 . 8/7/2009

This. Is.

Un. Believable. Un. Fucking. Believable. You just wrote the most retarded thing on the internet. So bad, Encyclopedia Dramactica would be jealous. I understand that some of this was meant to be goofy, but even by my standards, this is just STUPID. "Cover-me-in-peanut-butter-I'm-a-sailor-man" stupid. "Open-my-asshole-it-wants-to-sing-a-song" stupid. "Tickle-the-pickle-jar-to-make-it-stop-crying" stupid.

I mean, there's really not one thing I could say at this point to embellish my point further.

So what makes this one bad? Well, right off the bat, we get AUTHOR INSERT CHARACTERS, one of the biggest pet peeves of most fanfic readers. If you're going to include yourself and your friends in a story, avoid making yourselves the MAIN CHARACTERS AND HANG OUT WITH FICTIONAL CHARACTERS GOD THIS STORY IS ALREADY DRIVING ME CRAZY AUGH

Well, anyway, next problem: the writing style just blows. Both ways. It is just bad, but of course, it's what we can expect from Mr. Tuxedo. So it's not worth it to OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD USE PARAGRAPHS FOR DAMNSAKE. Descriptive sentences would have been nice, too.

Another problem. Throughout this whole series of fanfics, Mark and company have forced it down our throats that ALCOHOL IS THE DEVIL MUTHAFUCKA. But for whatever reason, he and his friends decide to go to a club that lets underage kids drink. I'm gonna let that sink in and mosey forward.

OK, one of the nice things I have to say about this fanfic is that some of the jokes are actually funny and amusing, but for the most part, ESPECIALLY near the end, you'd wish the clown would fall off his unicycle and into a vat of acid... so to speak.

Another nice thing I have to mention is that some of Mark's annoying friends aren't AS annoying as Mark himself. In fact, some of these friends of his are downplayed to the point where they lose the right to even have lines. However, the way he describes his friend Laurie Kelly makes me wish I had a girlfriend who looked like her. HA.

Well, back to the crap... Oh. Oh, no. Oh, GOD no. Yet another pet peeve of mine rears its ugly head: otakudom. And the most ANNOYING aspect of otakudom: referring to characters using their Engrish names. In this case, one of Mark's obnoxious friends, Kelly, refers to Link as... "Rinku." Ugh. Good grief. THE ONLY REASON JAPANESE PEOPLE PRONOUNCE HIS NAME LIKE THAT IS BECAUSE THEIR ALPHABET DOES NOT HAVE L's AND IS MADE UP OF SOUNDS OF VERBAL CHARACTERS. Kelly speaks fluent English apparently, so what does she have, people? NO EXCUSE. Adding insult to injury is the fact that Link doesn't MIND it when people intentionally get his name wrong. Imagine if people did that to you despite that you had a relatively easy-to-remember name like Harry and everybody calls you "Larry" instead.

Anyway, as you go through the story, Mike becomes a duck, everybody asks why, he says his emulator ate him and he tried to hit on Magica DeSpell, they go to Dr. Wily's lair, Mike quacks, the lair blows up, the end. It's just nonsense. And not nonsense for the sake of nonsense humor, it's just nonsense. Even by Caotain n's standards from the 80's it's nonsense. Even by Mark Moore's usual standards, this is nonsense.

In a final word, this fanfic FAILS.