|Reviews for Loyalty of the Tiefling|
| Slim Summers chapter 1 . 8/14/2016
I've had this story in my favorite list for a long time and finally got off my lazy behind to write a well deserved review.
First this story is absolutely fantastic. You are extremely talented and deserve much praise for writing an epic MOTB story. Whenever I read this I get inspired to write a few lines to my own (OC) story before laziness catches up to me.
I will try to write a few chapter specific reviews (if I can get off my lazy behind again) but I will leave a couple of general points here:
- I love the fact that you describe actual battle scenes. Too few authors on any fandom do in my experience and I was happy to see that you didn't.
- To much "Tyr, Tymora, Red Knight" and many gods. At first I loved the fact that you included such lines and I still do but I disliked the relatively high frequency & variety they were referred to. My personal suggestion would be to limit them to two or three catch phrases that Blake uses fairly frequently (Most people in my experience have one or two phrases they use frequently in conversation or in stressful situations). Then make references to other dieties on special occasions and in more .
- One other thing, I might have missed it but I never saw a reference as to which diety Blake had as his patron.
- The Neeshka romance by itself was fantastic.
Finally I really pray that one day you will write a fanfic for the OC as well.
| jonnar01 chapter 28 . 12/21/2013
Great conclusion to a wonderful story. I thought your concept here was brilliant from the outset, and your wrap-up fulfills the excellent premise. Many, many thanks for sharing!
| Sgt Andy McNab chapter 28 . 12/20/2013
Brilliant story...Is there any hope of a sequal or a prequal to this?
| OfficerDonNZ chapter 1 . 11/27/2013
Oh don't get me started on the time line or lack thereof. It's one of the things that's been debated endlessly. I'm not sure why I started writing the OC with a male lead. a number of reasons I guess not least that my PC wanted to romance Neeshka and not the Creepy Druid Stalker. I like Elanee well enough just not as a romance ;)
Oh no doubt your Neeshka had reason enough to off Safiya I was just very surprised to see it. As strangely enough I grew to like Safiya, more than I thought I would.
| JHMLYNDALE chapter 22 . 11/20/2013
I considered a story of the original-campaign, but using a character I play on a NWN 1 persistent-world so the timing got thrown completely. He was rather blasé as he’d seen so much and being older wasn’t impatient and decided to just wait for Blacklake to be reopened. Been twenty or so years so what’s the rush?
And with what Neeshka knows, Safiya’s complicity in the abduction of her harbour boy, and how dangerous a Red Wizard of enough skill to be an instructor might be if given warning a quick death was both safe and satisfying.
| OfficerDonNZ chapter 22 . 11/18/2013
Glad to see I'm not the only one who's been thinking about having a story where Neesh is in MotB. Though I do have the small matter of getting off my behind and finishing the OC's Act III (dammed writers block)
I've had a quick read of chapter one and I can honestly say I was rather surprised to see you kill of Safiya. Each to their own though :) I have a very different idea as to how Neesh ends up in the events of MotB if I ever get that far!
| JHMLYNDALE chapter 18 . 10/16/2013
There is no tension in quite a lot of stories. You know the heroes are going to win so the question is how and what problems they will overcome and here how to translate attack rolls versus armour class into actual moves and tactics. Healing in Dungeons and Dragons is very powerful but with the sort of weapons and creatures they are facing there is not much middle ground between them managing to avoid significant injury and them taking the sort of harm that would require days or weeks of recovery time, at best. If something is fast enough to hit Gann or Neeshka or hits hard enough to overcome Blake’s armour then it is going to hurt a lot. Which can lead to good drama, especially with the problems it would cause them with the situation they are in, but would shift the focus of the story.
As to Blake’s alignment perhaps it is time spent among a Neutral party or perhaps it’s because of the reasons he has to want this Academy dead. Araman’s faction has hindered his investigations and tried to kill him. The Headmistress has kidnapped him, infected him with an ancient curse, and attempted to manipulate him. The students and staff of this academy indulge in slavery, the manipulation of souls, and trade souls to Devils. The game requires you to manipulate souls and trade one to those same Pit Fiends so the academy is not a section where the player character’s soul can remain untarnished.
(Except it can as that has been displaced as part of the curse, and if I do the sequel then the difference between what his mind and body have experienced and what his soul has will give him the occasional sense of disconnection.)
Where mercy can be afforded then such will be shown, but destroying the power base of an enemy makes sense and these Red Wizards seem, to Blake, more evil than most of the people and things he has slaughtered. He will worry about if he is following Tyr’s Justice or Hoar’s Poetic Justice and Vengeance, but would not be too surprised if the amount of blood on his hands since he left West Harbour had made him Lawful Neutral like the latter Deity.
| greathackster chapter 17 . 10/14/2013
I have to say, I like the idea of this and I'm a huge fan of Neeshka from the original game, so this has by and large been a pleasure to read and has provided an interesting perspective on what was already an awesome game.
I do agree with Belamor about the fight scenes perhaps needing a bit of trimming. Part of the problem is that there's essentially no tension; once a battle starts, the only question is how many paragraphs it will take for all opponents to be dead, with no chance whatsoever of any of the companions actually being hurt or killed. I realize that this is a limitation imposed by the game itself not having an provisions for such injuries, but perhaps in future stories (as I understand you've already finished this one) it might be a better idea to step outside the boundaries of the game and show some actual consequences for the main characters.
I'm chiming in on this particular chapter as I'm rather curious: is the main character supposed to be Good on the alignment scale? I had gotten that impression from the rest of the story, but this chapter is filled with wanton slaughter for no reason but vengeance and assumptions. Perhaps it's simply because I know the motivations behind this particular Academy's teachings and find them Neutral at worst (though some of these wizards and apprentices are of course monsters), but this is where it seemed to stray from previous characterization of Blake. Perhaps time spent among this Neutral party has shifted him further from his original alignment, though.
| JHMLYNDALE chapter 17 . 10/9/2013
The Night Hunter: Thanks. That Neeshka’s involvement would give the different character interactions was reason to think it worth doing. Seemed her and Gann (and her and Okku) would spark off each other a little.
Belomor: Sorry you were bored. Thank you for reading.
| Belomor chapter 7 . 10/8/2013
Sorry, but long battle scenes are boring. Need more story, less RPG retelling.
| The Night Hunter chapter 15 . 10/2/2013
Well can';t wait to see the Red wizards academy
| The Night Hunter chapter 14 . 10/2/2013
You kow I really love how you made Gann and Neesha interact
| JHMLYNDALE chapter 13 . 9/19/2013
No need to apologise for not reviewing. Glad you are still enjoying and there are a few fights between them and the outside.
| The Night Hunter chapter 13 . 9/19/2013
nice going sorry for not reviewng the previous ones but I was away for some time and read them in one go, nice job at doing the nowelization, can't wait for the next battle
| The Night Hunter chapter 10 . 8/28/2013
nice going, and do I feel slight rivalitly between Neeshka and Gann?