Reviews for A World Not Ours
Enforcer209 chapter 10 . 5/8
Well that was different
Tellemicus Sundance chapter 9 . 6/22/2018
Huh, I guess this Sharpner really did get the girl after all. Despite how well you've portrayed their history, I still don't like Videl/Sharpner. Aside from that, this was a very good chapter.
Tellemicus Sundance chapter 2 . 6/22/2018
...Videl has the hots for SHARPNER?! Never thought I'd see the day (or fanfic)! And I can now honestly say that I DON'T like it! Still, this is perhaps one of the few truly original DBZ stories that I've found lately on this site, so let's see what becomes of it.
madsloth chapter 10 . 9/24/2016
this was actually a pretty cool story. thanks for writing it.

Just wish we got to see the others at least once after they got wished back.
Hiniwalay chapter 9 . 5/14/2016
Why didn't original world's Gohan help alternate world? Even if they solved the android problem on their own, it's unlike him to try and help.
You didn't show what happened to in original world afterwards. D:
I find it reaaally weird imagining Sharpner with Videl and Erasa with Gohan though. I'm used to cannon.
Anyways, story's been good!
KimranReech chapter 10 . 2/13/2016
Mhh, this story was definetly a step up from your other stories which are, while not being bad, "meh" at best.

Your writing was a lot more consistent and clear in this one and I found far fewer grammar errors.
I also really liked the pacing of the story and enjoyed every chapter and the story as a whole.

Yes, I must admit that I was very tempted to drop this story as it first seemed to become a VidelxSharpner story, but I stuck with it.
Which I am glad about, even if I am disappointed and slightly confused that this didn't turned out to be a VidelxGohan story in the end, since not only is the paring canon, but most of your other Dragonball fics that I read were VidelxGohan. So it appears a little bit strange that this wasn't the logical conclusion of this story too.

Ah, well.
gabelou1991 chapter 10 . 7/15/2015
J'aime.
Lemontention chapter 1 . 1/15/2015
Canon-blind.

General:

I hope you don't mind that I start with your summary. I really like the [one filled with war in death] part because it grabs you attention. I would take the two questions though and change them into one open-ended question. It just makes it more attention grabbing because your brain starts coming up with a lot of scenarios that can play out.

Grammatically, there are things you could improve. When speaking, there should be a comma after the end of the spoken words, but before the closing quotation mark. IE: "The cat escaped," said Mary. There are also a lot of run on sentences. This could use a good read through again for missing punctuation.

I found it unnerving (in a good way) when you kept describing how different and almost apocalyptic things had become.

I like how you paced this. So many people think they can't do much in a story: only show one scene or something. It's good that you added more than one scene.

Specific:

[The two girls where completely confused as they took in their surroundings.] I'd say this sentence could use fewer words. It's just a bit wordy as is.. Maybe something like Confusion washed over the two girls as they took in their surroundings.

[Plant life had managed to make its way into the building; all around it wasn't a pretty site.] I would make this two separate sentences.

[It wasn't like that when they'd gone into the pool to cool down after a day of chase criminals or boys in Erasa's case, though Videl considered some of the boys that Erasa chased to be criminals.] I'm not sure what this sentence means. It's like you lost track of your train of thought. What about the pool is so important?

[It usually went I have a date with such and such a boy so I need to go shopping for a new outfit and I'm out of whatever brand of makeup for my date tonight.] This is redundant. You've already told us Erasa care about these trivial things in the sentence prior.

["I'm going to freaking kill whoever you are if this is some type of sick joke."] I'd cut freaking, but other than that I can see this as a plausible reaction.
Cricycle chapter 1 . 5/26/2014
I had hope for the story based on the summary, but the atrocious writing and numerous errors turned me off within minutes.
DarkVoid116 chapter 10 . 4/11/2014
This was a pretty good story overall. I certainly enjoyed it. It was a moderately unique plotline, and I'm just a fan of the Mirai timeline and having that Gohan be involved in a non-cliché, non-ridiculous manner.

I liked Erasa and Sharpner's roles, and obviously enjoyed the interaction between Gohan and Videl.

Nice story.
DarkVoid116 chapter 9 . 4/11/2014
This story is coming to its conclusion. Since Mirai Videl had died, I wouldn't be all too sad to see Mirai Erasa/Gohan and Mirai Videl/Sharpner. I'm still holding out hope for a Videl/Gohan get-together in the present timeline. It would be cool.

I'm glad Gohan defeated the Androids handily, since their Mirai forms always annoy me, especially in stories where Seventeen rapes his victims.

Good chapter.
DarkVoid116 chapter 8 . 4/11/2014
Well, while anticlimactic in a sense, I did enjoy the Cell Games reveal the way it was done here.

I very often see stories about how betrayed Videl feels when learning her father didn't defeat Cell, so a somewhat kinda-sorta unique take on it worked. Although, I'm not sure how much I like glossing over the entire Buu Saga during the few weeks Videl and Erasa were in the alternate timeline...

Nice chapter nonetheless, though..
DarkVoid116 chapter 7 . 4/11/2014
This was a pretty solid chapter. I definitely enjoyed it. Sharpner and his father throwing a relative fit over Gohan helping out was humorous, but nothing like Mr. Satan's hissy fit.

Nice chapter. I do hope Gohan and Videl end up together in the near future :D
Books52 chapter 8 . 1/16/2014
Thank goodness. Videl was bring so rude
Books52 chapter 2 . 1/16/2014
Awwwww I thought it was gohan x videl
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