|Reviews for The Child She Couldn't Have|
| RandomNumbers523156 chapter 1 . 7/21/2013
That was an unusual fic, to tell the truth. I read at the afternoon, but I couldn't write a review, but reading now I'm glad that you improved the style. I'm not sure how to feel about this fic, because while Yukari is a youkai, who doesn't think as a human, even considering them to be food, she always struck me as the motherly type, thinking herself as a sort of mother of Gensokyo, a lazy one, but still one. She's truly an odd youkai, I suppose.
| Another Man chapter 1 . 7/21/2013
Speeches by different characters should try, as much as possible, to be separated into different paragraphs, which is visible after your first paragraph. At the same time, give some notion as to who, at that point of time, is speaking. The only exception to this is when two characters are conversing only to each other, and is made obvious to the reader.
How did crying destroy half of Eientei?! Like what, Yukari flooded the place with a tsunami of tears? Wow!
And who is the narrator of the story? I was led to believe it was Yukari initially, but after the first paragraph and until the end of the story, I'm still clueless.
You have a good story, friend. But work on these issues and you would have written a short but excellent one shot. Do keep writing.
| Sonanoka21093 chapter 1 . 7/21/2013
First off, your description is incomplete. Just had to say that before I read your work.
I read this story as it had a focus on a subject that I can relate to. To desire a child, yet to be unable to conceive... It's a painful thing, really. I want to hug your Yukari, in all honesty. I like Yukari. My use of her in my own works has left me... fond of her. To see her be infertile as well... hurt a little. I like when my favored characters are happy, not... well, sad enough to destroy places.
Now that that is over with, on to the critique. Yeah, I know, you probably hate to be told this, but your writing is a tad confusing. For starters, I feel as if I'm missing something from the equation. I have little to say in this regard, but I will say that you have work to do until you're perfect. The writing kinda felt confusing. I felt as if you were repeating the same thing over and over at one point.
As for the good, the story is quality enough - I see no glaring errors. I think, while you do have work to do, that you are talented.
Anywho, keep up the fantastic work, and I wish you well.