|Reviews for The Apprentice of Gaea|
| Lord Nitro chapter 2 . 1/2
Frankly, I'm kind of rooting for Gaea now...
| Guest chapter 8 . 12/1/2015
| Guest chapter 8 . 8/26/2015
This can't be the end if you make it the end I will hunt you down and give you to the hunters...
| Anonymous chapter 4 . 8/7/2015
Oh... My... That plot twist! Please, keep on going!
| PJandLGequalsLove chapter 8 . 6/11/2015
Very interesting please update soon
| Theodore Hawkwood chapter 1 . 6/2/2015
Hello there. It's Theodore Hawkwood from the All New Shorter Review Game. I'll be first to admit my canon knowledge on Percy Jackson and the Olympians is a bit fuzzy.
My first point I am going to touch on is characterization. You did a good job with that sentence where you describe how Annabeth, despite her propensity to act like a tomboy, still is at her heart a daughter of Aphrodite.
I will say you do have some minor but easily remedied issues in the spelling, punctuation and grammar departments. The two examples that stick out most prominently to me are the dialogue Percy has with Annabeth and the thoughts he has when he faces the new demigod.
With regards to the former dialogue should be separated by speaker, where you have a block of lines of dialogue as Annabeth and Percy speak by the lakeside. An example would be this:
Percy said, "(Fill in Blank.)"
Annabeth said, "(Fill in Blank.)"
And for the latter, when he sees the new demigod running from the hellhound and empousai, Percy's thoughts should be italicized to indicate that they are thoughts.
These SPaG issues are easily fixable though, and they didn't completely hamper me reading the story.
I like the mental image of Hera smacking Zeus around, it raised a laugh on my part. His sleeping around with many different women is definitely in character with both the Zeus of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians universe as well as the Zeus of the original Greek myths.
In terms of relationships I can tell that Percy and Annabeth's relationship is one that is a normal relationship (well at least as normal as one between two demigods can go) insomuch as Percy does feel jealousy when newcomers/fellow campers try to flirt with Annabeth. The touch with your description of his jealousy and what he does about that serves as a nice little hook to the sympathies of those readers who have been or are in serious relationship.
Who hasn't felt that sort of jealousy from time to time? It is a good writer who can make a reader relate to emotions felt by a character.
It was a good insight into their relationship and Percy's character when you showed that Percy trusts Annabeth even though he feels that jealousy.
Overall I enjoyed this chapter and with the refinement for SPaG you've got a nice little work here. Good starting point for a post-Second Giant War fanfic.
| chinaglaze chapter 1 . 6/2/2015
Hi, I was intending to review for the WA reiew tag, but was beaten to it! You might as well have the review anyway.
Fandom blind, so I can only comment on the technical stuff.
Without trying to break it down line by line I notice a lot of occasions throughout the chapter when you switch tense from past to present – most often using ‘is’ instead of ‘was’. It makes it a little disconcerting, and I think you could tidy that up.
There seem to be quite a lot of (Percy’s?) internalised thoughts in the chapter, but it is hard to differentiate them from the narrative. It might be an idea to format internal thoughts differently for clarity when reading – a lot of people use italics for this.
I assume that your readers will know what the various beings who make an appearance here look like, but I do wonder if a bit of description would not go amiss. I know I’m fandom blind but I haven’t come away with any sense of what any of the characters or the surroundings look like. Now, I know description can be overdone, but there isn’t anything here really. I don’t know the season, the weather, what anything sounds or smells like, are there trees? What does the Big House look like? Even for people who know the canon, I think it will add some flesh to your story.
There is a brief action/fight scene which seems rather effortless. Is it really that easy to kill these creatures – hellhounds and emposai? They sound pretty tough! You could expand on that a bit.
The punctuation of your dialogue could do with some checking over. There are a lot of full stops when there should be commas.
So to summarise, It’s an exciting story, packed with action and interesting characters. I think you could tidy up the confusing past/present tenses and bear in mind that with so many characters you need to be extra careful to keep everything really clean so that your readers always know who is speaking and who is doing what action.
Hope this is helpful.
| OwlAth3na chapter 8 . 5/1/2015
I love this fanfiction! Are you going to update more often?
| Guest chapter 8 . 4/28/2015
Mdhunter here. Pretty good chapter in a good story so far! Thanks for posting! Please continue, and soon!
| ExplodingKnuckler chapter 8 . 4/28/2015
Hahahaha, Loved The Moment With Percy And Gaea :)
| ExplodingKnuckler chapter 7 . 4/28/2015
Hope She Keeps Her Word :) Good Chapter.
| ExplodingKnuckler chapter 6 . 4/28/2015
Looks Like Everyone's Waking Up! Good Chapter :)
| ExplodingKnuckler chapter 5 . 4/28/2015
Good Chapter :)
| ExplodingKnuckler chapter 4 . 4/28/2015
Pretty Excited About The New Powers :)
| ExplodingKnuckler chapter 3 . 4/28/2015
Hehehehe, Gaea's Gonna Take Care Of Business :) Short, But Nice.