|Reviews for heart shaped wreckage|
| knightphoenix2 chapter 2 . 12/31/2015
Great story! I look forward to seeing how Gipsy and Striker were saved from destruction, and seeing Jazmine reunite with Raleigh!
| IntoTheDeep27 chapter 16 . 7/14/2014
Please continue this story! I think its great! 3
| Guest chapter 16 . 2/3/2014
How does this not have more reviews!? It's so good!
| Reaper Nanashi chapter 11 . 1/24/2014
All right, at the moment I'm really questioning your explanation of Jasmine's history, which you obviously want to be proof that she isn't perfect and has weaknesses, etc. Which is a wonderful thing to attempt, yes, but in the end poorly executed. I question it because there is no logical progression—what you suggest pushes the reasonable suspension of disbelief to the point of "I just can't buy that." Plus, you reassert the "She's perfect!" aspect by concluding that even though she endured all those vaguely heart-wrenching years of hospitalization because of something she couldn't control, it somehow doesn't continue to impact her life after that point, which congenital problems tend to do in reality.
Hyperemesis gravidarum is, indeed, a serious condition with many potentially terrible complications, and the inherent difficulty in separating it from regular morning sickness makes it troublesome to diagnose. But it generally kicks in LONG before twenty weeks. Even if we allow for the possibility of a start at twenty weeks (it can, after all, begin as late as twenty-two weeks), a baby has a sixty percent chance of survival by twenty-five weeks, and that figure jumps to ninety percent by twenty-eight weeks. This doesn't leave a lot of time for the condition to progress into something life-threatening.
Women suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum are, first and foremost, prescribed bed rest; IVs provide hydration and electrolytes to balance what's lost through the excessive vomiting. But since diagnosis is difficult and currently achieved only through a process of elimination—which medical methodicalness would take several weeks to perform—I find it VERY hard to believe that if Jasmine's mother STARTED this at twenty weeks a proper diagnosis could be attained, treatment could be tried and medically deemed a failure, and premature birth could be concluded as the sole course of action in a span of time that would lead to Jasmine being so frail and sickly because of her prematurity that she would barely be able to spend time outside a hospital for the first fifteen years of her life. There are approximately twenty other diagnoses that would need to be ruled out before a doctor would suggest hyperemesis gravidarum, so by the time the testing was done Jasmine would be perfectly viable and able to survive outside the womb with little trouble. A condition as aggressive as your describe WOULD have killed her mother, and her too, before the doctors even figured out what was wrong.
And while I'm sure there are countries lacking medical development in which premature birth is still a potential tragedy, Yancy and Raleigh were both born in Anchorage, so it's logical to assume Jasmine was as well. Especially if the doctors were actually able to figure out what was wrong, this means she was born in an American hospital (or a hospital in a country with advanced medical knowledge). With modern medical practices, prematurity is, by itself, rarely fatal or even dangerous; sterile environments and heat lamps do much to prevent the death-by-exposure that prematurity used to mean. Nowadays, as long as the heart and lungs and brain have formed, the only real danger tends to stem from the stress of being one of multiple births (singletons are normally far better off) or some complication of a genetic infirmity.
Hyperemesis gravidarum affects primarily the mother, and affects the child only because of imbalances in the mother's body. Any complications the child might suffer because of the mother's condition would arguably develop only if there is no treatment; in that case, the complications are so serious—lesions on the brain that cause confusion and affect motor functions (and more), the inability of blood to clot, and nerve damage or disease, among other things—that Jasmine would either die young, have severe physical or mental impairment, or otherwise never be acceptable as a Jaeger pilot because she would simply be inherently incapable of withstanding the severe stress rangers regularly endure while piloting, regardless of her copilot. If she ever jockeyed, she would be a ridiculous liability to the entire planet; the PPDC would have to be comprised of lunatics to accept her.
So what, I'm forced to ask, is the point of this sob story you've concocted for her? It's unrealistic, first of all, but even if we put that aside, as far as I can tell it apparently doesn't impact her life beyond its usefulness of making her impatient to follow in her brothers' footsteps. Once that usefulness is outlived it becomes largely irrelevant, which truncates the sympathy I might feel and completely obliterates the fascinating possibilities such a history could have led to ("We're sorry, Miss Becket, but your hemophilia would be too dangerous to you, your copilot, and any mission. Oh, you have an idea for a Jaeger? Hey, this looks great! Okay, well, we can let you join, but you'll never be a ranger. Ever. We're marking it in your file now, in fact. No hard feelings, right?"). About the only thing this history DOES do is explain why she isn't seen in the Drift or mentioned otherwise in the existing movie canon, but that doesn't need a backstory nearly so dramatic (boarding school! Sleepovers! Birthday parties! Just hasn't made it downstairs to the table yet! Is in the house with the flu! Grounded for not doing her homework! Staying in France with family!).
Which brings me back to the goal you're aiming for with this story. What, exactly, IS it? Because with no goal greater than smashing a boy and a girl together, I'm afraid I just don't see this fic being memorable beyond being yet another example of someone using a canon character as a smokescreen for a self-insertion fic. And that makes me kind of sad, because I want to see a story that gives a neglected character like Jazmine some oomph.
| Reaper Nanashi chapter 8 . 1/24/2014
Okay, well, to be brutally honest this isn't the world's most amazing story, but I'm not totally loathing it and incapable of going on; I like it enough to not have to drag myself kicking and screaming into each chapter. Considering that I just came from a story (different fandom) that started off with a nice narrative but ultimately ended up being inappropriately bad in all the worst places, this is near enough to a breath of fresh air. Your spelling is pretty good, too, which helps make this an easier read, and while your syntax could use some cleanup I can assure you I've seen much, MUCH worse. I do, however, have some bones to pick.
First of all, the consistent misspelling of "Jasmine's" name is annoying but not hugely problematic (I'm assuming, for the record, that your "Jasmine" is intended to be the Jazmine from canon; if not then the following observation is invalid, so do correct me if I'm wrong and I'll ignore it in the future). If nothing else, I applaud you for being as consistent as you are in this particular misspelling, since I have seen correct names misspelled in ways that can't even be argued are legitimate alternatives. As "Jazmine" IS a legitimate alternative to "Jasmine"—it's a French spelling, and the proper spelling for the canon Jazmine—you should correct this error at the next opportunity. Again, this is only assuming your Jasmine is supposed to be the canon Jazmine. If not, this issue is irrelevant.
Beyond that, I'm honestly not really finding myself all that fond of "Jazzy"; I generally get the impression that she is nearly as obnoxious as her nickname, yet everyone puts up with it and finds her punk attitude charming, and treads on eggshells to avoid distressing their princess (besides Chuck, of course, who is apparently the only person on the planet still in the dark about her history). While I certainly don't have to like the main character to enjoy the story, I can't feel even an occasional sympathy for Jasmine, and THAT'S what sets off my alarms. Particularly because it's obvious I'm supposed to feel sorry for every second of her life to date, but I don't because I can't bring myself to care.
What mainly rubs me wrong about her is that she's super-perfect at everything from hand-to-hand combat to Jaeger design, with her sole "flaw" (which upon closer inspection is, at best, less a flaw than it is a logical self-defense response, and at worst is a contrived plot device based entirely on Raleigh's experience) being whatever she needs Chuck to heal for her. That being the case, you've made it clear that he is, inexplicably, the only person who can possibly help her improve/heal. Rather than, for example, someone who would clearly know more about the situation and her and thus be better equipped to talk her through her trauma—say, her brother, or a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist who would be on staff with the PPDC to handle things like that (and have access to her file, and who she would have been commanded to see at some point as a mere matter of course).
It hasn't escaped my attention that in trying to write a romance you've done everything you could to make Jasmine desirable so that it's obvious why Chuck would be interested in her (she's small so he can be the big and manly protector; she has eyes that "sparkle," an "infectious" laugh, and a "soothing, attractive" voice; she has a trauma he feels compelled to find out about and help her get over, etc.), but as that isn't necessary or realistic, every interaction they have smacks of "Even though she's perfect on the outside, she's IMperfect on the INSIDE; she's emotionally and psychologically wounded and needs TWU WUB to heal her!" The title of this fic, while interesting and unique, nevertheless blatantly admits that this is your ultimate goal.
The problem with all of that is that it severely reduces—even contradicts—the impact of the so-called "independent" character you're otherwise attempting to present. Such inconsistency makes it hard to identify with Jasmine and harder to figure out what I'm actually supposed to be taking away from this fic (other than some smooching, anyway, which I can get from pretty much any other romance ever written). At this point, I'm not seeing an independent young woman with a wounded heart as much as I am a damsel waving a hankie from a castle window hoping her knight in shining armor will rescue her because she's incapable of dealing with her own weakness despite the fact that she continues to spend time around the very things that were partially responsible for her trauma to begin with.
That is, after all, part of the reason why Raleigh went to work on the Wall—to get as far away from Jaegers and Shatterdomes as he could. Because his experience was that traumatic to him; he felt responsible for Yancy's death because it had been his idea to disobey orders.
So I believe that if Jasmine were truly as traumatized as you're trying to make her out to be, she would have given up on the Nighthawk as something too painful and depressing to even look at; she would have either left the project or mothballed it, if she had that much power over it, and would never have looked at it until AFTER she had come to terms with her cousin's death.
Sticking around like she has is masochism, and masochism is neither bravery nor independence.
| XRaiderV1 chapter 16 . 1/2/2014
very well done.
| XRaiderV1 chapter 15 . 11/16/2013
very well done sir.
| The Winged Pyro That Drowned chapter 14 . 11/13/2013
Fluff is good... fluff promotes subplots...
Subplots that may or may not end with everyone making out... but meh. Subplots promote story, story is awesome, we know your not dead :D (even though school CAN be lethal)
| XRaiderV1 chapter 14 . 11/13/2013
very well done sir, it fits the plot well.
| IKhandoZatman chapter 14 . 11/13/2013
The fluff was cute.
| F N chapter 6 . 9/18/2013
This is very good. I enjoy it so much. :) but England isn't on Pacific rim. It's Atlantic.
| The Winged Pyro That Drowned chapter 12 . 9/4/2013
Soooooo close to getting them into the Jaeger! :D
You know, out of the few Chuck/OC fics I've read, this is my fave BY FAR.
| lordessoftime-tau chapter 12 . 9/3/2013
Oh this'll be interesting!
| XRaiderV1 chapter 12 . 9/3/2013
very well done, cant wait to see the hellcat in action :)
| ZabuzasGirl chapter 1 . 8/28/2013
Update immediately, please!