|Reviews for Magic, love and fun|
| galvatron chapter 1 . 8/9/2017
what about lily
| ironhair chapter 1 . 8/21/2016
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/22/2014
What about Lily?
| Meh chapter 1 . 7/16/2014
Well... That wasn't bipolar at all... Heh. I still enjoyed.
| NotosK chapter 1 . 7/22/2013
Hi! I read this because I am a big fan of HIMYM and HP I liked your summary and think that the characters could work really well on a Slice of life/comedy setting.
Just a few tips.
1.- You don't need to put 'says XXXX' every time, if the reader knows who is talking you should avoid it.
2.- You are writing the story in present which I feel doesn't works too well, or maybe I'm just used to read stories written in past tense
3.- you need to add more description on what characters are doing while talking. because the reader would end up imaging two floating heads talking to each other.
Also you need to work on how the characters talk, so the reader can know exactly who is talking without the need of tags.
I recommend you (if you aren't already doing it) to start reading a lot, read fan-fiction and published books and self published books.
Read at least one book per week and you'll eventually will find your writing improving.