|Reviews for The Iirian Adventure|
| Hawki chapter 2 . 3/6/2014
-"It's been eight years. I kinda gave up on getting birthday presents a while ago."
And yet, going by your other words, Christmas presents are still exchanged…
-Like the previous chapter, I like F’tha, but here, it’s more in terms of concept. The dynamic between Mark and Durandal is well established by now (as in, the context of your ‘Marathon’ fics as a whole), but the key difference is that he’s out in the field while Durandal is digital. I suppose you’re entitled to say “no shit” at that assertion, but I bring it up because a physical presence does introduce a new dynamic. Plus, while he has the ‘standard politeness’ of ‘advanced alien civilization/species,’ it does provide some variety between Mark and Durandal in this regard.
-At this time I’ve established the problem of me saying “this is good” over and over, which potentially leaves me at a premium for other comments rather than just saying “this is good” and leaving a single sentence review. So, as for this chapter…well…
Okay, I’ll say it, “this is good.” Unfortunately (or fortunately) that’s a blanket statement for the chapter as a whole, but I’ll quantify why in that it’s due to the characterization (as per the above comments) and the pacing. The flow of the story is constant and lets the story move at a good pace.
Second point, I feel it’s worth mentioning that the tension issue ceased to be an issue here. I mentioned in the last review that the scenario seemed to lack it. And…well, elements of that kinda remain. Although Mark’s ‘bird issue’ is solved at the end, it does kinda feel like the start of a larger story, or set in the larger context of one. But the lack of any tension isn’t an issue here due to the strength of the characterization.
So, here’s that word again – good job. XD
| Hawki chapter 1 . 2/22/2014
-“Plottier” isn’t a word. Nor is “Pinions.” Seriously, what is it with you and the letter “p?” ;)
Well, considering that you’ve introduced me to another new word (“wingifc”), maybe I shouldn’t complain. Anyway:
-First things first, and this is entirely subjective, but I like it that you’ve created a new race for this. ‘Marathon’ is what I call an open universe in regards to alien species, in that there’s no limit on the no. of aliens that can exist, nor would creating new ones upset the status quo (e.g. similar to ‘Star Trek’ and ‘Star Wars’). I say this because it irritates me in media that I consider to be open universes in regards to the species no. yet writers never take advantage of it (e.g. ‘Aliens/Predator’ and ‘StarCraft’). So brownie points for indulging my whims that I admit are entirely arbitrary and confined to my own little world.
-Moving down into slightly less subjective territory, I like the interaction. The birds are like…well, birds, and that gets to be bounced off Mark. I say “bounced off” because that’s what it is – Mark seeing a situation/sight and responding to it. I’ll specify that this is actually praise, that it fits with the characterization you’ve given him, yet provides a nice alternative to Durandal. Yeah, the AI’s there, but it’s good for variety that Durandal is merely observing the insanity rather than providing it.
-“he knew less than jack about diplomacy that didn't involve shotguns to the face,…”
Well, to be fair, he IS experienced with diplomacy that involves other firearms…
-Moving further on, not too much else specific to say – blanket term of “good” still applies. Mark and Durandal are at it again, which isn’t bad, but…well, like I’ve said, I’ve been spoiled for their interaction, so again while it’s good, it’s stuff I’ve seen before. Like F’tha though – even if he’s a s’pht and s’pht in personality, it does provide some characterization variety.
-Kudos to the worldbuilding for the irians – have wings, don’t need transport, etc.
-Flight scene is good. Like the mention of other species as well – conveys it’s a big galaxy after all, even if humanity had yet to realize it during the games.
-I’m er, a bit…uneasy about the female bird thing. Firstly I have to ask whether Mark could be sexually aroused at all, at least under the assumption that he’s a battleroid. Secondly…well, let’s just say that the site hasn’t disappointed when it comes to Rule 34. 0_0
-So, concerning the chapter as a whole…okay, to be honest, I feel personally there’s a lack of tension in a sense, but I don’t want to come right out and say “no tension, ergo bad” because not only is that based on the supposition that tension has to exist at all, but I’d rather wait until ch. 2 to elaborate further on it, because after trying to elaborate on this ‘feeling’ here, I figured I’d rather do it once rather than twice across two chapters. Plus, I think it’s a feeling that’s systemic of trying to evaluate the story on my terms rather than its own. So for now, nothing to worry about.
So, let’s keep to the chapter for now. I would have liked the irians to have more of a presence at times, because as I mentioned, I found the concept of new foils for Mark and Durandal a nice turn of pace. But as it is, it’s still good. Same problem with the standard I’ve come to expect from you – I’m past the ‘gushing phase’ and all that. Still the best submission I’ve read over the past 2 hours of going through my ‘to review’ list tonight, so hopefully that’s a little plus beyond “good.”
| WishSar chapter 2 . 8/2/2013
Up date Eight Days a Week! Please