|Reviews for The Balance Between Worlds|
| miguel.lampreargelos chapter 5 . 2/27
Man, you should updated this history! It's good.
| Yukiko chapter 5 . 12/10/2014
Awesome story u have here. I really really enjoyed it. That fight in chapter one is just plain epic. The way how they died was pretty cool not like some other stories what will just say they died from a lame attack. I mean atleast shika and ino had a purpose in dying bc seriously they are freaking trained shinobi they ain't gonna go down bc they weren't paying attention especially in a war. Against Madara too. The way naruto and sasuke got separated is pretty cool and how they are pre teens again. I mean what's the fun if they r just gonna OP everyone. They fights will all be one sided. Little disappointed on the betrayal at the tower but I guess it's needed for the plot, same goes with the sasuke/zeref and Madara thing. But over all awesome.
Please update soon. Really looking foward to it. Love your writing style btw. And I hate u for ending the chamber were u ended it. TT
Lastly. Just out of curiosity, do u like tomatoes?
| Barad chapter 5 . 11/16/2014
GOOD STORY UPDATE SOON.I WAS HOPING SASUKE WITH MIRAJANE AS PAIRING BUT THIS COULD DO TOO
| Guest chapter 5 . 11/7/2014
Oi bastard this a good story soon bastard is your new name because you would'nt update
| crimson11116 chapter 4 . 10/31/2014
Please update this
| Interesteddude chapter 5 . 10/4/2014
I'm pretty sure wind lightning magnet release. The thing that Gaara uses. Anyways really cool story nonetheless. The first chapter where everyone dies was way epic. Everyone you've portrayed was perfect. Well, Madara was OCC beyond heaven but I can let it slide cos Shino's character was perfect. Don't think many can do his character as good. I'm a lil disappointed that Sakura didn't have anything to say. Her love, best friend, brotherly figure, etc, all died in front of her eyes. Not to mention Hinata and Shino. I'm satisfied with Kiba's moments though. Most people don't give a crap about him. He's practically a xerox copy of Naruto, with a few quirks.
All in all, everybody died a gruesome death. Especially Hinata and Shino. Well, shit happens. But Madara bashing isn't one of them. He took down an army and kages without a sweat. Ok, I'm a fan of Madara and I wanted him to die in a badass way. Forgive me for liking cool op evil people. I'm not really sure he can use Amaterasu though. According to what I've seen so far, each pair of mangekyou has it's own unique power. The powers of both eyes may be same (Shisue and Obito) or different (Itachi and Sasuke). Itachi gave some of his Amaterasu power to Sasuke, but it kinda stuck with him. His other eye has the Tsukuyomi. Sasuke's other eye's got the Blaze release, so it makes sense. What Madara's MS can do is never stated and it kinda pisses me off. On a side note, Madara can apparently use Susanoo without his eyes (what utter bullshit Kishimoto). I don't think the Gentle fist can do squat when the opponent can suck chakra. But what the hell, the fight was better than I thought. Nobody was OP and in the end, what defeated Madara was teamwork. Fuck yeah! Kakashi. By the way, where the hell was he? Or Guy? Or Killer Bee?(chakra depletion on his case isn't justified). Anyways good chapter.
For the next chapter, I think the conversation between Sasuke and his parents weren't so good. Sasuke's grown into a 18 years old adult and his mother prefers having girl talks.(WHAT THE HELL?). Sasuke get strong beyond proportion through means nobody even wanna think about and his father doesn't give a crap. I think he should be asking for forgiveness for the years of neglect and other torment he had to go through when Itachi was hogging all his affection. And Itachi should be more monotone. Atleast, portray of Naruto's parents were good.
No comment on the rest of the chapters because I think it's good enough. The thing about Sasuke being Zeref and Madara being Achnologia, I'm not gonna even ask. Obviously it has something to do with the plot. And well, Kaguya being in fairy tail? It's gonna change her character beyond proportion, so I hope you know what you're doing.
Be waiting for updates.
| Some guy chapter 3 . 9/27/2014
You explanation of the sharingan was incorrect. It does allow the user to see Chakra flow and enhanced clarity but it also let's the user see through obstructions like fog and things like that. It also Gives the user a sort of photographic memory. Kakashi was able to copy hundreds of Justus with his eye. The final power, excluding the mongyeko is a kind of Foresight. It shows the user an image of what their opponent will do next. Don't believe me, refer to the Wiki.
| titit chapter 4 . 9/1/2014
i hate this kind of writing, first naruto act so cool, strong, smart.. but his plan for all the slave to escape was just dumb. after fighting a war he still doesn't know how to plan an escape. have you forgotten that the hiraishin can be planted on a body, he could have planted it on erza or jellal and stop them from getting tortured. with the hiraishin simon was able to beat naruto from saving erza? really annoying fic you have..
| Guest chapter 5 . 8/13/2014
| sendicard chapter 1 . 8/8/2014
Sorry this took so long after I said it would be done yesterday. The amount I had to write down here was longer than I had assumed it would be. I try not to note repeat problems very much, so if I don't state an error type again, it certainly isn't to say it doesn't show back up. I only have a certain amount of space here you know, can't be filling it with all sorts of bull.
"Uzumaki Naruto blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to restore his vision and looked across at the ruined landscape in front of him."
A few things here. "looked across at the ruined landscape in front of him." Isn't really necessary to this particular sentence. It's an unnecessary extension. While it isn't necessarily wrong, simply out of place. Like if I said "you shot your pistol at your boss' window, and took a bite of your sandwich. Technically you are doing both at once, and they might even be linked, but they are indeed two entirely separate actions.
This actually wouldn't be a problem at all, but you make it a pattern. Two actions, period.
Another point would be "looked across at," to look across at something implies a distance. Where is he that the landscape needs to be looked across from something, you state it's directly in front of him. If it's across from something, shouldn't you point that out instead of just saying in front?
"Still though, Naruto stumbled, his equilibrium shot because of the gargantuan crater, but before he fell to his knees onto the unforgiving rocks he felt two strong arms supporting him."
That, is ever so quite simply, a comma splice.
"His father. He still couldn't believe it." That isn't choppy or bordering on fragmented or anything.
Seriously, this two actions then period pattern is annoying. Doesn't feel natural in the least and it certainly doesn't flow right.
"Beside him, Minato let one lone tear slide down his ashen cheeks in grievance for his former student before setting his lips in a thin line and turning away from the gruesome sight." Not quite sure if you're actually at run on sentence there, but you're sure as hell bordering.
"It was finally over." You have a lot of sentences like that too, just out of nowhere, sense of finality. You're supposed to let sentences like that flow with others, but you're separating them entirely. It just creates a general sense of choppy.
"A slow clap brought Naruto out of his reverie. The Uzumaki stared at Uchiha Madara, who had begun to clap slowing with mocking emphasis, and a sense of despair began to settle in him."
Ignoring the run on type qualities of that second sentence there, I'd like to point out that this is an excellent example of "telling instead of showing is a problem!"
You could have easily used an Onomatopoeia to strike us into the next sentence, but your telling us writing style just made the entire bit redundant.
Let's not even forget that "begun to clap slowing with" is just invalid. There needs to either be a comma there, or a rewording. Since a comma would full on shoot that into an invalid sentence in general, a rewording would be better.
(this is possible, Minato did it with the Kyubi's Bijudama, so why not with a human)
Notes are against the rules on fanfiction, as they destroy flow and immersion. One of the few rules I agree with actually. If you can't say what you need to say with the story somehow, you shouldn't be saying it. Also, last I recall Kyuubi had two u. Might be wrong but you know, worth mentioning.
Wow, for a man trying to conserve his energy, he sure knows how to go on a monologue... Likes to hear himself talk.
"You make this sound like a drama, dad. I already know all of this, old man. Just trust me. I'll get it done. After all, I'm your son." Ignoring the fact that it sounds nothing like Naruto, way to overstate the "Dad" part in three ways." Redundancy never got old right? Nah...
"This was it. The Beginning of the End. The Final Stand. The forces of Light and Dark were at a standstill at the Valley of the End. How fitting."
See that's what we call extremely choppy, for no real reason. A simple rewording could make that all into one, reasonably sized sentence. Instead you've made five sentences out of 29 words, and made it needlessly wordy at the same time. Even history text books have better flow than that... Although to be honest History text books tend to have pretty good writing... I should re-look at my history text books.
"Resistance is futile. Both of you are centuries apart from reaching my strength. Just give up. The two of you are destined to fall by my hand, to die alone. Just give up."
Pretty much the exact same note as the one before, needless choppy, overdone, and split.
"at Naruto , who" Unneeded space.
"This was a war." Really? Where's the cannons, and the death. All I see is a fight between three Shinobi. This might be IN a war, but this battle is in no way a war.
"Weak, Weak WEAK!" Madara sneered." Ignoring the fact that there is no reason for every word there to be capitalized, the same word cannot be placed directly next to itself. A comma is needed, or something else to separate it.
There's also the entire sneering bit. Sneer is to smile or speak in a mocking or scornful manner. He's definitely shouting there, not speaking or smiling. Therefore I don't believe sneer is correct. Look up words before you place them in your story. You use it a lot, most of the time wrong.
Clones can't take a hit, and your's just up and ignored Amaterasu. Way to rewrite canon.
"Turned a larger than average explosion into a roaring mess from hell... literally." The flames are not from hell, and even if they are the explosion of Naruto's clone certainly isn't. Therefore it is quite figurative, not literal.
"he quickly jumped of the branch" off.
You know that pattern isn't always with just periods, you tend to have two actions or events before every pause. Add in a comma and you come up with four actions. You know a comma isn't a new sentence right?
"Fool, did you really think such a basic move would pierce me?" Madara gloated." To be honest it's more like a taunt but, ya.
"when a great weight seemed to be placed on his right arm." SO I am to assume said great weight was an illusion, as in not actually placed on his right arm? I thought Madara was immune to Genjutsu, what with his god eyes.
Oh no, would you look at that. The weight is real. Well then, why is "seemed used?" A term that isn't definite? You're the omniscient author aren't you? Shouldn't what you tell us be true?
"He had materialized a coat unlike his sage coat, but this was made purely of chakra."
How is it "unlike" the sage coat. You need to explain things like that.
Also, you used "but" in the wrong way. The word "but" has to be used against something, it can't stand alone like that.
Why do you keep explaining the theory behind the simple techniques like Kage Bunshin and such? It's out of place.
Your explanation on the Kawarimi is actually kind of wrong as well. Canon never said anything about the target needing to be a non-living entity.
"Azure flames seemed to envelop the hands and" So you mean to state that they didn't envelop the hands, and only seemed to? A repeat I'm aware, but far too important to overlook.
"The clouds above Madara rumbled and began to disperse and a steadily increasing roar began to be heard." Throwing a third action in there in such a way to create a run-on. No better way to break a habit then to make a worse version eh?
"He took aim an arrow made of the purest, most concentrated flame he could create, the Amaterasu, and fired a barrage of them."
How do you take aim an arrow? I'm going to assume that's some kind of saying or whatever.
The real problem here would be misinformation from the author. You stated straight up that he took aim an arrow... By the gods my mind can't say that without adding "with." Anyway, you said nothing about multiple arrows, which is required for a barrage.
(what a funky translation, it's 100% correct though)
Got to love those immersion breaking notes, eh?
"Madara shielded his eyes out of sheer habit to protect the eyes that his brother had entrusted him," way to remain redundant. Shielded his face? Maybe?
"To those that felt that one horrible blast, it seemed as if an exploding tag had gone off right next to their ears and eyes and miles away the sky exploded in flash of white." More run on.
You know, you should never start a sentence with a word that directly requires the previous sentence. It's called a fragment if it's required, and that's not a sentence at all. You start a sentence with "and" 14 times. You start a sentence with "but" 9 times.
You know, I was told years ago that you shouldn't overuse the same word, no matter it's meaning. You use the word "and" in almost every sentence. That's over 300 times you know.
Look, I'm less than half way done and I'm almost out of space. I'm just going to stop pointing out writing errors and focus entirely on what was asked directly of me for now on. You wanted to know something about story telling correct?
Also, if you'd like a further explanation on any of these problems, you got my PM number.
| Shouta Izukai chapter 5 . 8/4/2014
Holy fuck. Mindblown. Sasuke, Zeref, what the fuck? O_O What? AAAAAHHHHHHH I'M SO CONFUZZLED!
On another note, this story. The plot so far. Fuck yes. DAMN YEA. xD Kagura and Erza, like the little sisters! (Romance ain't really my thing, but family bonds is so cute!) I know it won't happen for several chapters, but I can't wait for Sasuke and Naruto to finally meet! They keep running into future Fairy Tail members, (Cana, Mirajane, Elfman, Lisanna, Erza) and it's so fun to read!
And I like Sasuke being a little more OOC in terms of emotion. It's kinda like his personality in the beginning, before he betrayed the village and when he's not having emotional depression issues. And may I mention the 1st chapter here? WHY IS IT SO SAAADDDD? Hinaaaatttaaaa...
Oh, question. Will Hinata, Ino, Shikamaru, or any of the other 'dead shinobi' appear in Fiore? I mean, Madara did! (Though I suppose that's more plot than anything.) If it's a surprise, I'm okay with that too!
Can't wait for the next update!
| Guest chapter 2 . 7/16/2014
i tought sasuke is the main character of this story .
how dissapointing it was realy naruto tssssss -_-
| silverhawk88 chapter 5 . 5/14/2014
love the story so far. hope to see more soon!
| TheHokageNaruto chapter 5 . 3/17/2014
Good story. Please update soon
| evangelista chapter 5 . 3/15/2014
I hoped it would narutoxerza sasukexmirajane