|Reviews for FateKaleido : Jewel Card|
| Steveaaml chapter 2 . 3/27
I really love the idea that all three of them are in the same class, and all three magic stories happened independently. Very fun concept.
| ArcherShirou chapter 8 . 5/1/2014
I hope that part of Archer, maybe now he gets a happy ending for him, if it is by a path heavens feel
| Serial Peacekeeper chapter 2 . 1/10/2014
This is absolutely terrible english. I just cant read it anymore. I love the idea however the grammar and sentences were terrible and barely make sense. Readers shouldnt have to read a single sentence three times to understand what is happening or what you are trying to say. Its like watching a movie and having to pause every line. It would be really distracting.
| Blitz12 chapter 7 . 1/1/2014
I think it would be interesting if Miyu and Fate had a prior alliance lol. The two would hardly talk to each other. xD
But, the only thing I didn't understand is Shirou here. Knowing that he was heavily wounded and that Ilya went through a power buff. There is no way that Shirou would leave Ilya there and just go home, because there's no guarantee that the post transformation would be safe (even if he left her in the company of the other 3 magical girls)
| PCheshire chapter 3 . 12/30/2013
...it's getting confusing... please tell me that Shirou has skills on par(or better) than Archer
| ArcherShirou chapter 7 . 12/30/2013
Fate-chan has the Berserker, it's scary, Berserker always ends up having to protect or fight for a loli with red eyes, the irony is beautiful
| Kizuro Shirosaki chapter 2 . 12/30/2013
"Why Glasses?" Asked Rin.
It should be Ilya that asking right?
| chaosglory626 chapter 5 . 11/29/2013
I sure hope that a jewel seed doesn't super power Saber Alter because then even Archer!Illya won't be able to take her down alone. They would need a Starlight Breaker and a fusion of Windy, Firey, Watery, and Earthy. Shirou will see Dark Excalibur, not that he can use it.
I am imagining if you copy the hot spring vacation from Nanoha, Ilya whines about fanservice and Tomoyo is giggling the whole time. Fate will be quickly befriended when Nanoha has so much back up.
If you want I could beta for you. I know quite a bit about all series involved and while not a total grammar nazi I can fix the mistakes that distract from the story. Anyway, keep up the good work.
| chaosglory626 chapter 2 . 11/29/2013
At first I thought this was like a copy of the fic Prismatic Edge, which is really awesome, but with added magical girls it is totally different. Now all you need is to have Madoka be there too and Homura being Miyu and Fate's friend and you'd have the best magical girl crossover story that doesn't involve copious amounts of crack like Shadow Crystal Mage and Overmaster have. Though you really should have had a beta for this chapter too.
| UnknownXIII chapter 2 . 11/27/2013
Reading through your story from chapter one to chapter two. I can spot a lot of grammatical errors.
1. Typos and sentences that do not flow properly.
2. Missing out key words that disorientate the reader.
4. Incorrect pronouns for different situations. Such as using "me" instead of "I".
3. Incorrect tenses. Using present tense when you previously used past tense, or in general using the wrong tense.
4. Your capital letters are being used incorrectly. You are using capital letters in the middle of sentences for words that are not names, places or important in anyway.
5. A pet peeve of mine is using Japanese pronunciation. The word "Onii-chan" for Illya's thought would sound better if you use "Shirou" instead. (My opinion, may differ to other readers).
6. When introducing a new character, there is no need to -do this- for their names.
This is the order in which these mistake occurred most frequently. I would write down the mistakes and correct version, but I am unable to copy and paste now...
My recommendation, get a beta-reader to fix up your story.
| MWkillkenny84 chapter 5 . 11/26/2013
Illya, STOP! Do not poke holes in a Nasuverse fic!
To do so, is to tempt Akasha and/or Zeltrech into making your life _intersting_, in the chinese curse sense of the term!
Next chapter Shirou&Nanoha VS Saber&Caster?
... just a question, can Shirou use the 'parallel dimension' and the presence of the Class Card to summon Arturia?
| fuji92 chapter 5 . 11/26/2013
Did you just put Kamen Rider Den-O inside there? Well I'm impressed, a good chapter despite your shortcomings in the English language but a good effort nonetheless. - Fuji92
| siriuslight chapter 1 . 10/13/2013
Wow! U did using english and... The story is great! Eventhough I don't really know what anime it was xD but, well I'll try to learn more about ur favorite story! Keep writing! Hahahah
| Agito XIII chapter 4 . 9/9/2013
You need a beta...
| edboy4926 chapter 4 . 9/3/2013
Interesting opening omake.
By the way, if Sakura wants her own magical costume, why not use the 'Create Card' to create one?