Reviews for Shepard Likes Rocket Launchers
Lady Amiee chapter 1 . 9/8/2013
"I… I shouldn't even ask. And Hackett actually approved it?"*** Space before and after the ellipses.

"Mmmmmhmmmmm…"** Space before the ellipse, and an extra period for the punctuation.

So, the start, before the A/N was brilliant, quirky, fun and made me smile. Shepard and his rocket launchers, just makes me grin. Well done, for having me laughing first thing in the morning, it's a rare thing. The writing itself is technically good-a few missing commas, one or two really long sentences and a couple of superfluous adverbs, but noting in the prose style really pulled me away.

So, I was really into this, but then I came across a huge info dump. I really struggled to read it, I would recommend something ... Have your characters explain this stuff, throughout the story, as you introduce each race, so the reader learns and remembers. I myself, know I won't remember anything in the A/N because it was basically a wall of text. I understand why you did it, but there are other ways. Anyway, as it's just the A/N it didn't need to be read for the review tag, and I'm just nit picking.

Please don't see my issue with the A/N to be a negative thing, I actually really like the premise of your story, and have no real complaints about the story. Well done, I look forward to more. x
FluffyCannibal chapter 1 . 9/8/2013
Nice intro, eases into things well. In terms of story content though, it was a little too short. I know from personal experience that sometimes you just can't come up with something just to increase word-count that will actually fit with the chapter and it can be best to just leave it short, but looking at the next chapter, that could pretty easily have been added to this one and worked just fine.

A couple of spelling errors- it's 'Kaidan' not 'Kaiden' and you misspelt 'crouched' as 'croutched'. Also, in your codex you make it sound as if the Alliance Parliament was formed in the early days of the Alliance; it was actually formed after first contact. You also should have probably made it clear that Charon is a moon of Pluto.

Anyways, seems like a cool story :)
SmacksKiller chapter 28 . 9/8/2013
Great chapter, I loved Legion in this.
Just wanted to point out that you have a T rating which allows mild swearing. As such, you're censorship of every 'shit' and 'hell' isn't necessary and actually distracts from the flow of the story.
LegionN7 chapter 3 . 9/8/2013
Hm, saving Benezia eh? It will be interesting to see if its her own will that can fight back indoctrination, or maybe a procedure?
At least Shepard isnt a 'scorched earth' kind of guy to shoot the rachni. Wrex's line was hilarious though.
Maybe a bit more personality for Shep? Still a lot more to read, so I'm sure its there.
LegionN7 chapter 2 . 9/8/2013
Three rockets well placed vs a Colossus... With epic result.
Mounting launchers on the Mako certainly would have increased its combat power, no overheating machine guns or slow to recharge main cannon xD The snapshot format feels a bit abrupt between scenes, but you keep the characters in-character enough its not too hard to follow along.
LegionN7 chapter 1 . 9/8/2013
Rocket launchers in ME1 would have certainly made the game a bit easier xD Kaidan as a forger, interesting that he would already be exposing himself like that when Shep hadn't even received full command yet.
But I can tell this is supposed to be lighthearted so I'll take it as such ;)

I don't really have any suggestions this early in, didn't see any glaring errors.

Till next time!
V-rcingetorix chapter 31 . 9/7/2013
Legion vs EDI...Joker vs whatever Cerberus came up with; Shepard on the ground vs Miranda...

not sure I can wait another week ;)
ShepardisaBOSS chapter 31 . 9/7/2013
Please kill the Cerberus assholes. Please!
morjackdan chapter 31 . 9/7/2013
And now we have the showdown that we have all been waiting for sr1 vs sr2 who will win?
V-rcingetorix chapter 30 . 8/29/2013
Miranda as the alternate Shepard, eh? A Cerberus cell on Horizon as well? That would explain a few things in ME3.
V-rcingetorix chapter 29 . 8/29/2013
Agreed, this tale has excellent writing, with more twists than a pretzel factory caught in a tornado.

Well done :)
morjackdan chapter 1 . 8/27/2013
Cannot wait to see what happens when Miranda and crew fail miserably lol doing absolutely everything necessary for a fail mission 1 no Shepard 2no loyalty missions 3 not opening grunt 4 Jack needs to be pissed to reach her full potential and face her past(loyalty mission) now all we need is for Miranda to get a pedicure after the crew gets captured lol ya evil Normandy is doomed before it even starts
V-rcingetorix chapter 29 . 8/27/2013
Wow, you are really writing fast :)

Interesting catch for the ammo block, and the lack of side-missions on the Evil-Normandy. How will that turn out I wonder?
V-rcintegorix chapter 28 . 8/26/2013
Hmmm, a Geth making a mistake, and a Cerberus agent, w/o Collectors...interesting.
cdghuntermco chapter 28 . 8/26/2013
First of all, I hate you. You lure me in with what I think will a bunch of funny drabbles about rocket launchers, and then you suck me into a compelling story with more twists and turns than a Twizzler bent into a pretzel shape. And quite frankly I'm loving every minute of it.

Second of all, I think you have a very unique sense of writing. It's quirky and flowing at the same time. My only grievance is how you 'bleep' out most of the swear words, but that's a matter of personal taste.

Overall I think you're a very good writer and I eagerly look forward to the next chapter!
59 | « Prev Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »