|Reviews for Ink On Paper|
| Counting Sinful Stars chapter 16 . 7/6/2014
*whines* but this is so amazing!
I understand why you want to though. :)
Would you ever consider writing an Optimus/OC fic?
| Counting Sinful Stars chapter 15 . 7/6/2014
Awwwww. :3 lol! Nice. XD what happened to them? :(
| Counting Sinful Stars chapter 14 . 7/6/2014
That was so sweet and amazing and I'm crying and I'm jealous and want a friendship like that. TwT
| Counting Sinful Stars chapter 13 . 7/6/2014
Awwwwwwwww! TwT I want a friendship like that. TwT what happened? What did she do that made him so mad?
| Counting Sinful Stars chapter 12 . 7/6/2014
Whoa. wasn't expecting that.
I actually think I wouldn't mind the ant-phone thing. Oh no...
| Counting Sinful Stars chapter 11 . 7/6/2014
"When you fall, I can't promise I'll pick you up. But I do promise that I'll lie down beside you." Love that line.
| Counting Sinful Stars chapter 10 . 7/6/2014
She's got a very bad but good personality and attitude. It's hard to explain.
| Counting Sinful Stars chapter 9 . 7/6/2014
I really loved what you did with the two different povs. :)
This story is so amazing!
| tobeawallflower chapter 12 . 7/1/2014
So far. I like Raven, she is real, but in a way, and I don't want to offend you, it's unfortunate that's she is the way she is because it reminds me that there are people like her who have no will power in the real world. In fact she is so real it's almost scary and it has been quite difficult to picture her character because I have a habit of getting too emotionally involved in the books I read and that includes FF so when I read this I can't help but think 'I would never do that' or 'why doesn't she do this'. Now I have learned to love Raven as a character and understand her a bit more but if I had to nit pick at something then it would be this. She is a a wuss and I really don't like that. I wish she could be just a little bit braver. Just a tad. Just a smidge because I would love to see her surprise everyone and do something really honorable, it doesn't have to be huge but just something that makes me think 'yeah she might be like that but who cares when she can do something like this' Raven is definitely one of my favorite OC's so keep writing, you are very talented and have an act for portraying reality in fiction :)
| Winddin Blue chapter 15 . 6/20/2014
| Knighted-Geek chapter 15 . 1/15/2014
I have to say first of all I have never written a review this long and wanted to mostly because I think that you yourself as a writer have great potential (so offering this advice may help you improve). I also believe this story has potential and honestly I think the feedback you've received hasn't been particularly useful.
Therefore, I have consisted a list of things I think you can improve on:
-I like Raven's character: she's clumsy, she's shy- which are great examples of good flaws that move her away from Mary-Sue territory- but I feel sometimes her personality is a bit conflicting. For example, the car ride when she climbed on top was very adventurous/brave/daring, but then later she's shy/cautious (which I much prefer and really like her personality at these points). I also like how she looks to Sam for protection and think this 'flaw' (that she doesn't defend herself) could certainly be an interesting one to explore when perhaps Sam isn't around and she has to face things on her own.
-I love that Raven stays at Hoover Dam, the idea that she is a good programmer/hacker is a good one. It also means that she isn't (like most OCs) 'helping' in the battle and because of this it makes your story more unique and interesting. However, I did cringe at that moment that Glen said he learnt from the Raven, since its that sort of 'importance/genius intelligence' that sort of leans towards Mary-Sue. I mean I understand she's very good, but maybe a little too much to become so internet-known. However, that said it's an interesting idea that you introduced and it would be nice to see how and for what use her she uses her abilities.
-The idea of Raven having Hemophilia B it adds an interesting trait about her. However, I will say that too much usage of this condition can make her seem a little Mary-Sue (i.e. she gets the attention of the other main characters and has her life in jeopardy)- though I have to say I enjoyed the chapter where that was the problem! I think a chapter or two dedicated to this is great, I'm only concerned the condition may be too over-used.
Also, thought I'd comment on some of the things I love:
-Her relationship with Mikaela. I really like how you've written their conversations and I think it's great that you've kept her in the story (and I'm glad she's nicer in the story than she was in the movies.)
-Raven's back story is certainly one I enjoy, I think the idea of her struggling to afford things and her acceptance that her life will be stuck in KFC is brilliant. In addition the whole dilemma of her taking a job with sector seven was a great success, it really added to her character and made her stand out because she was slightly selfish. Again a wonderful flaw that you've added to character and made her have more depth.
-I love your writing style, I think it's excellent in conveying the action and Raven's opinions on things
I also realise my opinion is just that and certainly some of it may wrong or just something you don't agree with. I'm in no way asking you to take any advice/dislikes/likes on board when you read it either. I certainly know hard it is sometimes to hear your own work being criticised/judged, whether it is fair or not! Just thought I'd give you some constructive criticism that you'd been asking for. :)
Anyways, I do like this story! I still want to see what will happen and I'm looking forward to the next chapter. :)
| aireagle92 chapter 15 . 1/13/2014
Please update soon?!
| ZabuzasGirl chapter 1 . 1/11/2014
Update immediately, please!
| thisgirlinthebackground chapter 15 . 1/8/2014
I just read this entire story start to finish in a span of 3 hours and I think it's really amazing. I hope you update it soon!
| Princess Unikitty chapter 14 . 11/28/2013
In hindsight Sam wasn't the best character to use because while Shia LaBoeuf is kind of a looker his acting... leaves something to be desired, IMO
The flashbacks were the best part in this chapter. They were kind of melodramatic, so kind of cheesy, but I didn't really mind. They made for a nice character builder, especially the last one.
To go from a mass robot attack to something like camping seems like it would make for a very jarring tonal shift? Unless something surreal, totally mindblowing occurs during the camping, anyway.