|Reviews for Beyond The Drift|
| Reaper Nanashi chapter 2 . 10/27/2014
Interesting beginning. Might be moving a little fast, considering it skips a month between, but there's still plenty of time to do what needs doing, so that doesn't worry me. And since the emphasis so far has been on character rather than branching out to setting or plot, I'll get right to that.
For now, I can't say I care for Lilah. Her primary focus seems to be her appearance and her non-flaws (for example, clumsiness; real flaws have a critical, unavoidable impact on the character's ability to complete the story and must be overcome). Several times in the first chapter alone Lilah notes Becky's beauty and how Lilah herself just can't compare, and I find that overdone. Especially after books like Twilight and Fifty Shades, the main character repeatedly noting her ugliness/plainness/general unworthiness is really very meaningless; particularly in romances, every audience is intrinsically aware that no character is truly as plain or ugly as suggested unless identified that way by an unbiased narrative description, so there's no reason for any character to repeat it. Just say it once and be done with it. I understand that this is an effort to avoid being the "perfect and beautiful" Mary-Sue, but the disparagement of qualities that aren't really flaws only cements in an unnecessarily roundabout way that this character is indeed perfectly desirable to any man who glances her way. Case in point: Lilah laments her height, but five-four is currently the average for Australian women, and there are plenty of men who like small women or otherwise prefer the women they date to be shorter than them. As someone who's been five-one for the majority of my life, I could assure Lilah that the main issue with height isn't the way men sneer at my shortness, but reaching objects in high locations. The presentation of this non-flaw as some cripplingly unattractive feature is a falsehood that marks Lilah as a shallow character obsessed with physical appearance. Which would be fine if that were intentional and part of her character arc, but I doubt it since she proceeds to assert straight-faced righteousness in Chuck's presence.
If all of that is setup for her realizing she's not too unlike how she judges Chuck to be (she IS a teenager, after all), that's great and I'm looking forward to how she matures. Otherwise, because Lilah's appearance is given such preferential treatment, the implication becomes a) she's as or nearly as beautiful as Becky, but for some as-yet unknown has a low self-esteem that only the love interest (i.e., Chuck) will be able to boost, and/or b) in reality nothing is as important as her appearance because that's her sole feature of interest, so the focus is on that rather than any other sterling quality she might theoretically possess. I mean, what have we learned so far about Lilah that's actually important to the progress of the story? What do we know about her that may be important to her relationship with Chuck? Nothing, really, because not everyone in the world is as starstruck as Becky, so Lilah's ability to remind him that his farts stink like everybody else's is the same as Herc's, Pentecost's, and anyone else who feels confident about putting Chuck in his place. In two chapters and eight thousand words, this failure to differentiate her from those people makes her a lackluster character. Even the flashback to her childhood means little, as it's mainly about her brother and how he's so much stronger than her both physically and emotionally. Considering her age, all of this would be fine, except it portrays Lilah as a limpet, in which case she shouldn't feel confident standing up to Chuck's aggression. Since she does, this creates an inconsistent character.
Joanna is a different story. We know what she looks like, but how beautiful she is or isn't has already been proven to not matter—she's a doctor who truly cares for her patients, and that's a big hint about her character and why Herc might be interested in her. At the same time, she apparently feels great guilt over Angela's death . . . because she was jealous. Unlike Lilah's seeming pseudo-flaws, this is a genuine flaw that will (should, anyway) impact how she sees herself, and therefore how she behaves around others. All of this is setup for her character arc. Ideally, future chapters will continue to explore this flaw and how she either overcomes it or doesn't.
I recognize that this seems like a lot of complaining, but I really have enjoyed the story so far. Everything I've mentioned above isn't exactly what I'd call minor issues in a work that appears to be character-driven, but it isn't ruinous yet, either. Plus, it may all be intentional, to be resolved over the long term, in which case this review proves I simply don't have all the information I need to make an accurate assessment (which is fine, because the story is unfinished). Anyway, good job, and I'm looking forward to more.
| DTaylor201989 chapter 2 . 12/31/2013
great first two chapter's, can't wait for more. update soon
| Gipsy chapter 2 . 8/29/2013
I really liked both chapters. Joanna&Herc are great and Lilah seems like a interesting character. Update soon!
| Katya chapter 1 . 8/24/2013
I really like it so far, hope you update soon
| Total Targaryen chapter 2 . 8/1/2013
This was quite an intense chapter, in a good way. The flashbacks definitely added to the sense of character that you're developing with your OCs. It's a very nice contrast, the worldly medical officer and the wide-eyed teenage Jaeger pilot's sister. Can't wait for more!
| MissAlisterCroft chapter 2 . 7/31/2013
I love your writing style! I cannot even stress to you how much fun it is to read this! Your Character portrayals are so intense! I can see them in my head with the dialogue and scenarios you've written! Great job on capturing their personalities! When is Chuck not getting himself into SOME type of situation? :) Can't wait to see where you're headed with this! I'm waiting by my Inbox for an update! :P You are a really, really amazing writer!
| xlittleredx chapter 2 . 7/30/2013
Yay another chapter! Herc and Jo are so sweet together, I wish Chuck and Lilah could be more like that.
| Darth Rapture chapter 2 . 7/30/2013
I really liked the flashbacks in this, it gave more depths to the characters! Oooh Chuck really isn't happy, either with Lilah or especially with Joanna. I like this story so far, you're doing well with the Hansens and I really want to read more about the wonderful OCs you've created.
| xlittleredx chapter 1 . 7/26/2013
I really enjoy this so far! The characters feel so real and you have Chuck and Herc portrayed so accurately. Update soon!
| Darth Rapture chapter 1 . 7/25/2013
Ooh Chuck you devilish thing! Trust him to be getting into trouble. I love how this is going to be a story focusing on both of the Hansens, those Australians are so amazing. Joanna and Lilah are both very different but I'm really liking them so far. Can't wait for more!
| Total Targaryen chapter 1 . 7/25/2013
Very nice so far! It's different, but a good different. It's quite funny, and I like Lilah and Joanna so far.
| optimus prime girl chapter 1 . 7/25/2013
*face palm* I could see Chuck doing that... Well done! Can't wait for more!