|Reviews for The Brightest Star|
| Javan chapter 25 . 11/23
I came back to this site after a year without it, hoping that maybe you finished it but alas, you couldn't be bothered. No apology or final chapter either. what a disappointment. Why did I bother? Thanks for the chapters I loved so much.
| Bobby chapter 12 . 11/11
Varda is the stupidest character I've ever seen. She is portrayed a little to babyish and whiny.
| Guest chapter 25 . 10/26
I hate you a little bit for leaving such a fantastic story out to dry like this.
| crooker chapter 24 . 9/23
Sincerly, this is one of the best storoes writen in here! You have such a nice way to interpret what your characters are doing and how they interact together. Such a great story shouldn't be simply abandoned! Please update, at least to say that you will be back! I enjoy this story as manu more have done, keep it up!
| Ratchetx7 chapter 25 . 9/9
Easily the best story I have read so far in this fandom. I really like how you write about the soul bonds between Laetri and Eragon have, and the way you are incorporating Arya now. It's a very enjoyable read. I only wish that you would move the story along a bit quicker, and more importantly, update! I hope you can come back to this story soon. Thanks for the update in your bio.
| Sebastiaan Asselbergs chapter 25 . 8/31
Please finish this story, i beg of you. You have written this story so well and the characters development is fantastic. I really want to see see more action from eragon.
| Guest chapter 25 . 8/11
| timeforgets123 chapter 1 . 7/20
Please finish this story :((((( It's my favorite fanfiction ever. Thanks for your hard work! Keep it up :D
| veagleeyev chapter 1 . 7/6
Before you continue reading, I would like to point out that I have yet to read beyond the first chapter, so I apologize if I say anything that turns out to be incorrect. Also know that anything I say here that may offend you is intended soley as constructive criticism.
I believe you are a growing writer, and probably have grown over the 24 chapters I need to read. However, I think there are a few things you should know that appear inconsistent, and even if you know them, it'd be nice if you could go back through to fix them.
To begin with, I've noticed some issues with the taglines in your dialogue/monologue. The punctuation is indeed inside the quotation marks at the end, and even with monologue, which is itallicized instead of having them, the rule still applies. What I mean is if I were to write dialogue, it'd look like this:
"Blaugh, blaugh," he said. Note that the comma is where a period would be. If the sentence your character is saying/thinking ends in one period, it changes to a comma. However, if it's anything else (ellipses, dashes, question marks, exclamation points, etc.), it stays the same.
I've also noticed that you use participles fluently. (Ex: "Blaugh," he said, walking.) this is good. Another thing to add life to your sentences are absolutes (Ex: "Blaugh," he said, his head bobbing. The difference is the second part starts.)
Your vocabulary is also vibrant, but keep in mind that precise action verbs are better than adverbs. For example, you had someone scolding Roran for blasphemy against Eragon. The tagline looked something like "he said with a cold voice." Instead of having all that, you could say, "he chided." It's much easier, and you don't have to wear the word "said" out.
Furthermore, a common typo I've seen a couple of times is a particular comma error that you're probably aware of, but that I'm listing anyway. You know not to put a cow every time you see the word "and," thank God. A mistake I've seen many people make, including you, is not putting in that comma when you should.
Say you have two independent clauses, joined together by a compound word. It'd look something like, "He ran, and his friend followed." That works because you have a subject in both parts: "he" and "his friend." However, you could NOT say, "His friend ran, and followed." If you paused for that comma, it'd sound weird. Why? Because that second part is a dependent clause. It has no subject, so it DEPENDS on that first part to provide one.
One typo I did see was a run-on, and that involves the semi-colon. They can be awkward at times, but there are occasions where nothing will work as perfectly. At one point you wrote, "Roran was at best a friend, Nasuada was a close companion." That's a run-on. You have two independent clauses, and you can't combine them into one sentence with a mere comma. Why? Because they are independent of each other. They have two different subjects that do two different things, and a comma can't bridge that gap. So instead, you can say either, "Roran was at best a friend, and Nasuada was a close companion," or, "Roran was at best a friend; Nasuada was a close companion." Well, we fixed the run-on, but we have another error. Can you see it? It's one I make all the time.
"Nasuada was a close companion." Can you switch that "was" to an "is?" No, because she's dead. You'd have to put, "Nasuada had been a close companion." The reason is because "was" implies that whatever's happened still applies in that moment, and "had been" says that it's no longer in effect. Nasuada can't be a close companion if she's dead.
All in all, I think you're a writer that will improve and become great, but I think you're currently blossoming. I've been there, or at least, more than I already am, and it surprise you to look back and see how much you've grown, which I think you will.
| Agree chapter 25 . 6/10
I agree with the previous reviewers pls write another chapter for this story:)
| Warlok chapter 1 . 5/19
Please for the love of dragons and the love of Guntera finish this story! I love the style and the voices. I feel like the character development you've built in fits the original characters well. The insane power that the bad guys have seems a bit odd, as well as how drastically different Eragon is, but I love how you tied in Tenga/Angela!
| Nor goth chapter 1 . 5/17
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/16
Love it how Eragon indirectly says he love Laetri more than Arya! ExL
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/16
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/16
Better than CP, the work of a true author!