|Reviews for Permanent Vacation|
| Guest chapter 3 . 8/27/2013
so far so good i like it
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/13/2013
I was at first stunned by your population and C-Sec numbers, but found them genuine after a quick bit of research.
Still, 200k law enforcement officers is quite a lot compared to only 13 million population, because that makes every 65th person on the Citadel some kind of LEO. You should consider mentioning, that C-Sec is a volunteer service and that there are likely dozens or maybe more part-time and/or unsalaried members for every full-time officer like Garrus Vakarian.
| Bendoetz chapter 3 . 8/9/2013
keep on updating,great story,good luck!
| Alpha Draconis69 chapter 2 . 8/5/2013
wow, your doing a great job i look forward to your future chapters :)
i to read Iyrsiiea work she is an amazing writer.
| MRG101 chapter 2 . 8/4/2013
| Bendoetz chapter 1 . 8/4/2013
nice fic,I'm gonna keep reading..
| Ninja Elf girl chapter 2 . 8/3/2013
I like it,I like it. I would probably act like him if I were sent in to the mass effect world. I honestly love it. I presume he knows some sort of martial art from the start? I also like how his parents are here,thats unusual for an SI. Nice change!
| Lady Amiee chapter 1 . 8/1/2013
Somewhere, in a universe marked by burning twinkles and entities that swallow light, a galaxy turns in a swirling pattern and awaits the day when a greater force will tear it apart. : A little wordy sweety, maybe break it into two sentences.
"Hey, kid," the C-Sec cop said to me as he approached with firm claps of his boots contacting the cold metal tract that comprised the floor beneath us.: I'd change this to- "Hey, kid," the C-Sec cop said to me. His boots clapped on the cold metal tract that comprised the floor beneath us.: The speech tag had two actions in from two separate people. Also a with, which weakens the writing, making it read as if he is walking with some random boots.
"Don't move, fucker," he cursed at me as his forearm pressed against my throat and his pistol found a place with its muzzle sitting on my temple.- So, for action, this should be punchy and short. It drags the reader in and builds suspense. - "Don't move fucker." His forearm pressed against my throat pinning me. I stopped struggling as the barrel of his gun touched my head.- Something like that maybe.
"Shut up!" my assailant took a step back, which I had to match.- Not a speech tag. The M should be capitalized.
"Not sure," Greg shook his head. Not a speech tag, comma should be a period.
Okay, so some issues here an there, mostly with the with's was's and adverbs. But, saying that, it's a really interesting introduction to an SI. You have great voice to your character, I love his almost sarcastic thoughts. Your action is great, well described and easy to follow, so well done for that. Dialogue is great too, not forced or contrived which I love. Other than the points I made, which are easily corrected, I really enjoyed this. Look forward to more, so git writing! And play more tag! But not too much lol, not till you've got more chapters xxxx Hope this helped *Hearts*