|Reviews for The Sun and The Moon|
| sasusakufan2357 chapter 5 . 2/22
I can't wait for more! I hope you update soon :) keep up the amazing work!
| Pentastic chapter 5 . 1/31
This is really well written. You really seem to have a handle on the characters. They are different but in ways that make sense under the different circumstances you have created. It kept me captivated. I am sure you realize there are a number of typos which you may want to edit at some point but your writing is solid. I hope to read more from you.
| tlyxor1 chapter 4 . 12/30/2013
Looking forward to more
| gh0stwriter chapter 4 . 10/29/2013
Well played zuko.
Good chapter. Thanks for the update.
| necowaffer chapter 4 . 10/28/2013
Another great chapter.
| AngelsofHeavenandHell chapter 4 . 10/28/2013
update soon please...
| necowaffer chapter 3 . 10/26/2013
This is a very intriguing story and I can't wait to see where you take it. You have a great grasp of the characters which makes this story that much better to read. I especially like that it seems like everything from the original story has taken place, but with a few differences to change the universe. Cannot wait for the next chapter.
The story can benefit from having a beta reader go over it. The mistakes aren't enough to detract from the overall story, however some are more jarring than others. A lot of simple fixes could help improve the flow.
| Squirrellock chapter 3 . 10/2/2013
This is a great take on an alternate universe. Keep up the good work!
| ellex0 chapter 3 . 10/2/2013
This is fantastic!
| smyers chapter 2 . 9/16/2013
| ArrayePL chapter 2 . 8/26/2013
Great chapter. Thanks for sharing.
| Erichthonius chapter 1 . 8/2/2013
What an intriguing premise! I enjoyed reading your twist on the AU trope where Katara is bartered away as a political bride, often in place of Princess Yue. Your version of Katara, who offers to heal Zuko's scar rather than sell herself to advance her tribe's wellbeing, seems far more in keeping with the strong heroine who stood up to the misogynistic Pakku in the A:TLA cartoon series, than does many fanfic renditions of the character. The preening Sokka displaying his manly muscles to Princess Yue seemed spot and had me cackling. Likewise a lovelorn Lu Ten pining after the very strong and independent Suki has great comedic potential, and I can't wait to see where you go with that.
I am curious to learn more about the deviations from canon that led to the creation of this world. At first I imagined that when General Iroh successfully captured Ba Sing Se, events back home in the Fire Nation played out much the same. Only this time Prince Ozai used his elder brother's extended absence, rather than his grief ridden depression, to opportunistically commit patricide and have himself named Fire Lord. This helped explain in my mind why there were 2 rulers and heirs, rather than the Earth Kingdom simply becoming a colonial extension of the Fire Nation under a single ruler. However, if that were the case I'm not sure cousins Lu Ten and Zuko would be on such good terms.
I am also trying to figure out what significance Aang holds in this AU. Given Yue's evasive answers to Zuko's badgering I'm guessing that the Avatar is still viewed as a great potential threat to the Fire Nation.
I do think your work could improve even more with help of a beta. I noticed that you often switch back and forth between different verb tenses throughout the entire chapter. This kind of inconsistency is often more difficult catch from an author's perspective as the writer's brain automatically corrects any errors in his or her head. However, it can be very distracting to the reader. Here's a minor example.
"She KNEW they WERE neck and neck she COULD SEE Aang in her peripheral vision and TELL he WAS HAVING as much trouble avoiding people as she WAS canoes.
Then all the sudden a fish merchant and his cart COMES into view the space between the wall and the cart IS too slim for Aang to speed through but before Katara even THINKS to point this out Aang SPINS up the wall over the cart and out of the way."
The first sentence is mainly past tense and past progressive tense. The second is purely present tense. To make the second sentence match the first, it would need to read as follows.
"Then all the sudden a fish merchant and his cart CAME into view the space between the wall and the cart WAS too slim for Aang to speed through but before Katara even THOUGHT to point this out Aang SPUN up the wall over the cart and out of the way."
There are a few other spelling and editing errors, but on the whole this is a great start. I can't wait to see the next chapter!