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Marco: Uhm.. are you okay?
Ace: I’m terrible, I should did
Marco: Well fuck-

Shit 'bout to hit the fan

Even after the mess with Bluejam and Sabo’s death, there’s no mention of Luffy having nightmares or anything of the sort. In your story he’s gone through considerably less but is already breaking mentally.

Then there’s the fights… in canon Luffy is already ready to fight, this was the case even before meeting his brothers and it didn’t matter if the people were stronger than him. In this? He freaks out as soon as someone shows a hint of aggression.

Point is, this isn’t Luffy.

Your characterisation of Luffy sucks. You’ve got SOME of his character traits, but for some reason you’ve written him like a young kid from our world and tried to make it too deep.

Luffy wouldn’t have cried after nearly being eaten… not after going through everything he’d gone through with Ace and Sabo.

He wouldn’t constantly be freaking out about people hurting him either. This kid has already stood up to actual murderous criminals, but you have him shaking in fear because he thinks Marco, who he already likes, is gonna hurt him. It makes no sense.

Now this blood thing. Regardless of whose blood it is, I don’t think he’d be worried about it being on him. Having such a frantic reaction to something so insignificant in Luffy’s eyes is uncharacteristic.

Authors on here love over ‘kidifying’ the characters when they’re young and it never fails to annoy me.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

im hella stressed rightnow

Oh god this is so good, like shit. I’m glad the ASL brothers have their own friends i like them being happy and very passionate and shit this is so good i like it so much.

crossing my fingers please let him live.

oh no if you kill Thatch i’ll come for you.

That’s Luffy’s good at reading people to ya! it’s actually a good fucking instinct to know when a person is having bad vibes or doesnt feel right you know you need to trust ur instinct

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I love the moments with the them but I dont really like how you are making grap out to be

This was one of the best OP fanfictions I have read. Thank you for the story author and keep up the good work!

This story is soooooo cute! Love it so much! Favorites

The boys were adorable
Thank you for the story ️