|Reviews for Harry Potter and the 11th Commandment|
| ChrisW96003 chapter 1 . 3/13
Updated: Sep 30, 2016
it is now 3/13/2017 so when R U going to post this massive chapter?
| mckertis chapter 3 . 11/15/2016
I have no clue what is happening in this story. Cant read this.
| RonRR chapter 8 . 11/2/2016
Minor correction, the Mustang has twice previously been identified as a 1967, not a 1970 as stated in this chapter.
Why did Tony not get asked for a wand? Nothing seems to be identifiying him as an employee or otherwise belonging at the ministry, he seems to be just another visitor.
Thank you for writing,
| RonRR chapter 5 . 11/2/2016
Wow, some major issues with ages and organizations and timelines in this chapter as well as who is in charge.
"I worked with the CIA in order to get out of the Family, and eventually the organization was brought down". If any organization was involved it would have been the FBI, the CIA deals with international issues not domestic crime; that is the FBI's job. I have trouble believing that either would work with a 10 or 11 year old kid to bring down a crime syndicate.
Tony's timeline makes no sense:
"...enlisted in Witness Protection, and asked to be sent here, to Britain..."
"I got here just in time to see my sister deliver the cutest little kid..."
"The years I spent getting to know her after I left the States were the best of my life."
He didn't have years to get to know Lily after arriving in Britian, he had 15 months before Voldemoert attacked. If, as is alluded to in chapter one, Lily is still alive, then he is an idiot as an agent as he just let that information out.
His explaintion for being wanted as a criminal is also bogus:
"... enlisted in Witness Protection..."
"...trained by the Family to kill, to steal, to torture, and I'd done a lot of damage by the time your mother got me out of the business. I'm wanted by Interpo..."
The entire point of witness protection is a new identity and immunity from prosecution in exchange for bring down major criminals. Why would he still be wanted by Interpol for those issues?
Why is the DoM not interested in Petunia? According to this:
"...when she was trying to determine whether the rest of her family had her power, the ritual pointed out that her two siblings had the power"
Either Petunia is also an elemental or there is still another Lily any Tony sibling out there other than her.
If Tony, now 30, is in training with the delartment of mysteries, what was he doing the other 15 years since arriving in Britian? Why is the maybe 20 year old Tonks his supervisor in one instance yet being taught by him what the department rules are a few paragraphs later? Who is the agent and who is the trainee? Who is the agent Tony asks for a status update from, he is the supposedly the trainee, it should be him reporting, not the other way around.
The entire command and reporting structure makes no sense,
Thanks for writing,
| RonRR chapter 4 . 11/1/2016
You have conflicting weather descriptions, once moments it is:
"...the stars and moon made a reappearance..."
"...as the first rain of summer started to fall."
Since it is before Harry starts getting really wound up it is not his elemental aspect, besides which creating electrical energy does not create rainstorms, it is the other way around.
Thanks for writing,,
| XxDragon King DragneelxX chapter 14 . 10/30/2016
Great story! Can't wait for Harry to finally get with daphne but I love the way they are dancing round the bush and Harry still thinks he like cho it's great! Can't wait for your next chapter keep up the great work!
| HaywireEagle chapter 1 . 10/15/2016
Right. Going to be honest. This chapter was just.. convuluted and just.. bleh. I mean, seriously. I can't even find the words with just how weak and eye-roll worthy this is. The OC alone is just awful.
| ObsessedWithHPFanFic chapter 2 . 10/1/2016
Very good chapter even with the violence. Putting the fear of God in Petunia perhaps will correct the mistakes made by her and her family. Thanks for sharing!
| ObsessedWithHPFanFic chapter 1 . 10/1/2016
Good first chapter and interesting development for Lily and her family. Thanks for sharing!
| Kitten Arina chapter 14 . 9/30/2016
I don't mind the longest chapter imagine able what I dislike are these authors notes that take up space like this and never being replaced by actual story sense these notes take away from the actual story.
| Guest chapter 2 . 8/11/2016
Well, that's retarded. Sorry, but I don't care how many times you've rewritten this, you've obviously fucked up royally. You can get as crazy as you want with magic but events have to be believable in context. This was dumb. Seriously. Sticking glass in her mouth, forcing her to bite it and then leaving because of blood wards? Retarded. Write again when you are older than 12 years old.
| ILikeHotDogs chapter 2 . 7/3/2016
Me and my sick mind loved this chapter. Though I would have been much more... Graphic.
| Snidget4 chapter 12 . 7/3/2016
Halloween is on the 31st of October, not on the 30th.
| trispectrum chapter 13 . 7/2/2016
Great to see a new chapter. Interesting Snape is officially bought into the fold so to speak. Also liked Dumbledore trying to handle the muggle technology. Hope Tonks is not injured by her fall - classic Tonks however. Looking forward to more. Well done with this chapter.
| Cateagle chapter 13 . 7/2/2016
Nice little cliffie at the end, there. This was quite the revealing chapter and most interesting; I'm sure Severus does not appreciate tutoring Harry, but I rather suspect he likes Umbridge far, far less.