|Reviews for Those Who Grieve|
| Alex chapter 1 . 11/7
Slytherin! And, well frick.
| rubyreindeer123 chapter 2 . 11/5
I declare my allience and loyalty to Ravenclaw!
| muumi2three chapter 13 . 8/28
English wizards who want s'mores have to magically transfigure graham crackers first - English muggles don't seem to know what they are and the grocery stores don't stock them. (Digestive biscuits are not totally similar, but they're the closest thing you can find. Actually, toasted marshmallow between two chocolate-covered digestives - your choice of milk or dark chocolate, they come in either - sounds *better* than s'mores. Gotta try that.) But this is MAGIC. Harry and Snape can have s'mores if they want! lol.
In curiosity, I actually googled s'mores in England and apparently there is some awareness and curiosity among Brits, and Girl Guides even make them sometimes. With digestives, although an American expat maintains fervently that Lotus Caramelized Biscuits are far more authentically thin and crisp. Whatever.
Also, love your crazed Sirius.
| Guest chapter 28 . 8/25
Not a fan, you need to do research if those are the type of situations your going to write about.
| chikatheneko chapter 27 . 8/23
This was a wonderful story. I also like your house cup process. . I hope you make more stories like this one.
| Guest chapter 8 . 8/1
| marthapreston4 chapter 26 . 7/25
why didnt they give him the truth potion and ask him why he killed theo
| marthapreston4 chapter 20 . 7/25
its disturbing that mcgonagal who is supposed to be a teacher didnt care to do anything what a horrible person she is
| Maybe2Morrow chapter 19 . 7/17
Snape already told Harry not to let her do that to him anymore! He knew about this already! Why didn't he do something sooner?
| Guest chapter 3 . 7/12
Harry: *whew* good thing he didnt find out about the rape
*literally 5 seconds later*
snape: tell me
harry: ok i was raped
You seriously need to work on character and relationship development as well as patience in waiting for someone to find out something. You're scenes of the actual rape are really the only detailed scenes so far. We know what Vernon did, what he said, and what he touched—obviously. What we really want to read is not the rape itself but how Harry gets over it and heals with the help of Snape, REALISTICALLY. I now remember why I stopped reading this story the last time I started it.
| FatimaSnape chapter 4 . 7/11
I was trying to get through this story, I honestly was. But there are some plot issues.
Your style of writing is great. Your grammar is good, your usage of words is impeccable and really it's exactly styled the way I like fanfiction...well written.
But that's kind of where it stops. The plot is a major concern. I've read other reviews that said the same, but I pretty much put them off to picky readers. But now I see.
The only scenes that get special detail are the rape scenes. Every other scene is rushed and lasts just a couple of paragraphs. The dialog is unrealistic. Snape would never tell Harry about Voldemort doing that. Every. And it's not Harry's place as a child to know something like that about his 'dad' anyway. I'd understand if Snape had confirmed that he has had experience with it happening, but that's it. It is inappropriate and if Harry kept pushing, he should have told Harry to suck it up, he's not entitled to information about an adult's private life. That's not the way a normal parent/child relationship works.
Delving into Snape a bit more, he definitely wouldn't have seen the solution to immediately adopt Harry. In fact, I wouldn't have been surprised if Snape kept it to himself a bit longer to collect evidence. Or, just spoke to Harry directly about the situation.
Dumbledore simply agreeing to an adoption without Harry's consent? That seems unlikely. Sure, he placed Harry with the Dursley's, but even if he wanted to force Harry to go with Snape, they'd at least have a meeting about it where he informs Harry of the plan to live with a "hey you're going to be Snape's kid within five minutes good luck kthxbai."
And if Albus was so worried about Harry being posessed by Voldemort in year 5, how come he is the one that handled the adoption? How come he let Harry go on and on about the adoption? Wouldn't Voldemort have a chance of hearing that info and it possibly endanger Snape's life? It seems so. I'm sure Mcgonagall could have handled it. Or, had the adoption been introduced to Harry properly, someone from wizarding child services could have officiated the adoption.
We haven't seen any of Ron and Hermione. I doubt Ron and Hermione would let Harry get away with being moody and quiet for too long. We don't hear of them sending him Christmas presents or birthday presents.
This story does not give any detail. Only on the rape scenes. We know how Vernon did it, what he said, what he touched, how Harry reacted. But then outside of that, everything goes by in a blur.
I think this story would be better if it were slowed down, and if some of the situations became more realistic and thought out.
No one would let someone else adopt someone else without at least informing them. No entity would allow an adoption without some official proof. No headmaster (or decent person) worth his salt would hear claim that a student was being abused, allow the student to be adopted, and then send the kid right back into the abusive environment even if it was for "only a week". If not because it's a terrible thing to do, at least because there are legalities in taking risks like that. Also, Dumbledore feared, at least a little that Snape wouldn't treat Harry right, he even questioned him about it. And he was still like "okay" with the adoption. He didn't make him sign anything saying he would't sink so low as to abuse him or anything. Just "okay" lol
I wanted to enjoy this story. The idea that Snake adopted Harry while he still disliked him was an odd turn of events. Definitely different from the Sevitus stories I'm used to. I was interested. But now I see that adopting Harry while disliking him, while done on purpose, still seems like part of the many plotholes of this story.
Again, you're a great writer. I enjoy your writing stile immensely. But the plot...the situations the character is in...the fact that Snape and Harry are behaving like they are both adults instead of one kid and one adult...the mostly absent Ron and Hermione. Dumbledore's whole messs...the rushing from one event to another...it's a bit too much to put up with in a fic.
| Guest chapter 2 . 6/29
You were mine from the moment I filled you
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/29
He bit harry like marking him as his riding sucking tongue sucking nipple neck ears navel dick rim jobs and marking him all day so his mark doesn't wear off every time he rapes him like in this chapter he doesn't pull out he wakes up with vernon in him
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/29
Sucking nipples sucking ears neck navel throat sucking tongue rim job riding
| Guest chapter 17 . 5/31
Wow... this story is so messed up... yet... so... interesting... O.o I am conflicted...