|Reviews for How to Make an Avox|
| Anonymous chapter 6 . 12/30/2015
This is a GREAT background for the Avox class. I've always wondered what happened (in depth). Your writing style is perfect and this story is so moving. I had tears in my eyes the whole time I was reading this. Thanks so much for creating this book and keep on writing!
| 1-1 Marines chapter 5 . 12/15/2015
Unsurprised that male Avoxes are given that kind of "clothing." Not that the females have it any better within all odds.
At least Darius hasn't forgotten about Katniss. Unfortunately, it gets a punk's unwanted attention.
Okay, now that's just bad even if Darius is the Butt Monkey of all named Peacekeepers. Not that I take pleasure out of his misfortune.
Unsurprised the Capitolites are so wasteful that they'd rather have Avoxes dump it rather than eat anything. Considering how Capitol policy is "force Districts to give up their resources at gunpoint," it's probably cheaper due to the producers in the Districts not being able to charge fair prices for their products.
Really glad you avoided the oh-so-common Double Standard faced by fictional (and real) male rape victims with Darius.
It's sad but expected that Darius would feel shameful at Katniss's guilt. At least Lavinia comforted him.
So the Capitol's local government is organized into Departments? You mentioned a Education Minister in SOP.
Overall good work.
| 1-1 Marines chapter 4 . 12/15/2015
Oh, prettying up the slaves of the Capitol.
Unsurprised the Avoxes are "fed" like this. It helps that whatever they're feed makes MREs look like food out of a five-star restaurant, so it's not like the Capitol is blowing money on sustaining their subversives.
The training is undoubtedly...brutal...particularly for the "toy" bit.
Why am I unsurprised Avoxes are "motivated" to perform better via competition? This is a nation that has the Games, after all.
"one of the overseers in on me in seconds" should be "one of the overseers is on me in seconds." Also, "Your clumsiness means that the silverware will need to be returned to be clean, possibly delaying service to an important citizen." should be "Your clumsiness means that the silverware will need to be returned to be cleaned, possibly delaying service to an important citizen." But practically zero errors otherwise apart from no comma before "Avox 02-0179."
Never make eye contact, Darius. It's not like anyone there, including that "matronly doctor," views you as human.
Congrats indeed, Darius. Now you're ready to be chattel.
Good work overall.
| 1-1 Marines chapter 3 . 12/15/2015
Now our favorite Peacekeeper (Purnia barely gets any attention in the fandom by comparison, and wasn't even mentioned in MJ-granted, Darius had a bigger impact on Katniss) has been utterly broken. I wonder what Thread would think if he knew how Harris and his buddies...handled...Darius.
Various reasons, huh? Unsurprised the Capitol sugarcoats things for its citizens in the propo reports. Not that D13 would be any better. "We must invade the Capitol in retaliation for the suffering of the Districts! ...also, please ignore the fact we basically abandoned you in the continental Districts."
Back on topic, unsurprised that the rooms are in...such clean condition. Yeah, Capitolites-your President definitely isn't some barbarian who sics brainwashed 18-year olds on half-starved 12-year olds.
Your scientifically accurate description actually makes things worse.
Overall good chapter.
| 1-1 Marines chapter 2 . 12/13/2015
Sorry, Darius, but acting impulsively around a Head Peacekeeper who probably was raised on "Heil Snow!" wasn't your brightest idea. Now you get to be Avoxed for saving the guy with the best smile in the Seam...
At least Mr. Mellark and Purnia gave him a last meal.
Why am I unsurprised at Avoxes being treated like cattle during "processing?" Gotta break in your slaves somehow.
Unsurprised that the cell is...designed to psychologically break down future Avoxes. Same with the "food" schedule and water supply.
There should be a comma before "Harris," but this asshole seems to be the same guy Katniss ratted out in Vox. Oh, how professional...
It should be "probably breaking said nose in the process," but unsurprised Darius went down fighting. Unfortunately, Harris...likes that.
Definitely seeing the connection to slavery here, Darius being forced to give up his name and whatnot. I can see him being defiant and even suicidal but eventually breaking...
Should be "What is your name?" not "What is you name?" But good work.
| 1-1 Marines chapter 1 . 12/7/2015
There should be a comma before "sir," but good catch on Darius's part.
Thread shows...diplomacy when warning Darius. Of course, as our favorite Peacekeeper lampshades later, he promptly disobeys in spite of that-and, predictably, gets pain for his trouble.
Good start. I'm honestly surprised Thread hasn't yelled at Darius for not having his helmet on.
Unfortunately, Darius, your actions...will have consequences.
| alainon chapter 1 . 12/29/2014
Darius is my honeychild, and as much as it hurts to read this, thank you so much for writing it. It's very informative! I love that you actually used medical terms, it makes it much more realistic. One of my favorite Darius stories!
| Guitar Amateur chapter 6 . 3/22/2014
Funnily enough, although I braced myself to quit reading in the middle of it, I was pleasantly surprised at the tact with which the gruesome process was treated. There weren't unnecessary descriptions of the gore and abuse, making the story better to stomach.
I appreciate stories that simply present the evil without glorifying it. Thank you.
| EStrunk chapter 6 . 3/15/2014
Although Panem is pretty horrible for everyone I think you may have a point that being a red-head ups the anguish. Maybe it is just standing out in any way.
I was interested in this one since I've begun a fic (a Gale/Madge) that involves a bunch of avoxes. I must say that you are even more horrible to your victims than I've been. I do think the sexual abuse is pretty guaranteed.
| EStrunk chapter 5 . 3/15/2014
Wonderful to touch into the HG characters and world here. I love that Lavinia is honest, but comforts him. The having to throw away good food part fit into one of the big themes of HG. I hate the comment about how his sobs sound.
| EStrunk chapter 4 . 3/15/2014
This conditioning makes sense, esp. given how completely subdued the avoxes are. Once again the happy Capitol talk makes this fit into the Panem universe, but is repulsive.
| EStrunk chapter 3 . 3/15/2014
Absolutely gross and hideous. I do respect your obvious research, although I hate how thorough they were, esp. the last add injury to insult (okay to more injury) step. Can't comment more, because this makes me nauseous. BTW- this really should be rated "M."
| EStrunk chapter 2 . 3/15/2014
I loved that Purnia told him that his interference may have actually served a purpose - that does make a huge difference. His request for her to tell his family that he was shot was horrible. The rest was, unfortunately, a very believable depiction of how the Capitol might act. As soon as I read the line about how professional the guards were I knew things were going to get bad. The bored torturer was horrible, esp. as Darius realized that they would hurt him without killing him. I was relieved when he gave in.
| EStrunk chapter 1 . 3/15/2014
The juxtaposition of the cheery Capitol tone and the reality was very affecting. I love Darius. Thread's attitude was perfect, esp. his statement that the "district was more corrupt than he thought." Ugh.
| Julia451 chapter 6 . 3/6/2014
This is extremely well-written. I like the format you chose - creepy, completely in-character for the Capitol, effective, and perfectly balanced with the shifts in perspective perfectly timed, especially the training montage. You capture the details of this type of atrocity in a superb way. The final scene between Darius and Lavinia was strong and beautiful (for lack of a better term, given the circumstances) but abrupt - you need more interaction between these two.
I'm also pretty sure the Capitol would never deliver a slave to a new location without at least some time set aside for preparation so that the new owners wouldn't be inconvenienced. Darius, of course, could very easily have found himself dropped off at the Training Center with no warning and no explanation because Snow was using him specifically to rattle Katniss, but I would think this would be out of the norm. Hope you don't mind this observation.
For a lack of a more accurate verb, I enjoyed reading every word - disturbing material, couldn't imagine it written any better.
But you cheated adding a chapter after that first night after the 75th reaping - I was expecting a portrayal of life waiting on the tributes, maybe even their... imprisonment after the Quarter Quell escape. Always leave them wanting more, eh? Well done.