|Reviews for Arranged Marriage|
| xTheEyesHaveItx chapter 12 . 2/4/2014
I get this, I think. You like James more than Oliver, and are setting up your OC, "Laylah," to be with him instead of Ollie.
Don't get me wrong: It's your story and you can write it any way you want. But is it really necessary to trash Oliver's character so thoroughly in the process? Is there any factual basis *at all* for the way you have chosen to portray him here? Or is it mostly because of the minor differences in the Phelps twins' appearance which you personally find physically unattractive?
I think this is one reason this site discourages RL fics based on real personages. Although you've attempted to portray Laylah with some adverse challenges (her lack of self-confidence, for example), you contradict this in other, later parts of your story; and so she still comes off like a Mary Sue.
On the plus side, you do seem to have a talent for conveying word pictures in your writing even with the lack of description. I'm guessing you're likely still in your early-to-middle teens because of vocabulary, spelling and the way you tend to write both narrative and character dialogue in short, non-complex sentences. Nothing wrong with that, but if you'd like for readers to take your work more seriously (as expressed through increased reviews), it would be helpful to pay a little more attention to spelling, grammar and sentence structure ... maybe proofread before you post, rather than just an expressed vague intention to fix errors at some indefinite future time.
You might also want to keep a backup of your story, just in case administration happens upon it and decides to delete it from their site. In that event you might want to consider one of the other sites that are less restrictive towards RL fics. While it may not be totally my cup of tea, I respect the amount of effort and dedication authors invest in their stories; and wouldn't want to see it go to waste.
| Guest chapter 18 . 1/18/2014
Love it pls update
| IceStar834 chapter 7 . 9/15/2013
This is really interesting. But I don't really see what it has to do with Fred and George but who am I to question. If you could tell me that would be nice.