|Reviews for On the Sixth Day|
| QueenNaberrie chapter 19 . 8/7
So the Ice Man isn't quite made of ice. But we kind of already knew that. He loves his brother in his own way after all. So glad Stephen & Sherlock made it out of this ordeal alive. I was really worried about Stephen, especially, for awhile as my hope was that you wouldn't have killed off Sherlock.
I see there is another sequel. Reading on...
| Otaku and Proud chapter 9 . 6/29
I love the censoring of language - fear the power of the really terrible swear word!
| Otaku and Proud chapter 8 . 6/29
THANK GOD IT'S NOT STEPHEN
| Otaku and Proud chapter 1 . 6/29
An entire series dedicated to Mycroft/Stephen?! THANK YOU
| jada951 chapter 19 . 5/23
the stories - riveting.
not minding the missed sleep at all.
| Moka-girl chapter 7 . 12/5/2015
One of the things I really like is when a chapter starts directly with dialogue. I don't know why, but i have this dislike for stories that start with an introduction. A dialogue is more confusing and forces the reader to lean in and concentrate to try and understand what is happening, and what they're talking about in the fic. So it was a good decision to start like this.
I must admit that when Molly came in, I couldn't help but wonder if those ears might have belonged to someone else, despite Mycrof being sure they were Stephen's.
The part with Sherlock was well done. I thought he was slightly too caring in it (considering he's not always a great fan of Mycrofts) but that's just how I see it. The part with biting a woman's nose off, and Sherlock's muted reaction really goes well with the theme and keeps him in character.
Sorry it's been such a while since I reviewed - I've been busy with many things that kept piling-up in a huge to-do list. Luckily with holiday break approaching I have more tests than homework, and homework takes more time than revising (at least for me) so I'll have more free time. Hope you have a nice Saturday!
| Moka-girl chapter 6 . 10/12/2015
First thing I felt was relief when reading this chapter, because it was the ears the kidnappers cut off, not the fingers. If Stephen escapes then living a life without a finger is harder than living it without ears. You can still hear without ears, after all.
I think they'll find out that the ears were someone else's, sent just to make Mycroft sweat. If it were really Stephen's, then they'd send just one ear so they have more spare body parts in case they need to send several reminders. I bet Molly will find that the ears are not Stephen's.
I liked the talk with Harriet. Sweet and it got some quiet time between the intense scenes. You really understand the value of having intense and pivotal moments but separating them with more quiet scenes.
I didn’t notice any errors or anything that should be changed. It feels in-character, well-written and with no frivolous or useless parts that should be cut out. This chapter is perfect and honestly I don’t believe it needs any changes.
| Moka-girl chapter 5 . 10/12/2015
Kudos for realistic stuff like them not giving Mycroft the right clothes because they didn't think it through. Even mentioning clothes in the first place is good because most case!fics don't think of that.
I'm not an expert, but are you sure Mycroft would be able to know the tea was made from a tea bag just as it's brought in the room, before he even tastes it? I've always thought you needed to taste it to know, since the ones done without a tea bag have a stronger taste and the tea bag ones are kind of watery.
I liked the bit with Dolan. Can't tell you why because I wouldn't know what to say, but something about the whole thing really got my attention and kept it all the way through the proposal Dolan made about getting out of prison in exchange for helping Mycroft. Somehow you managed to get just the right amount of tension going but I couldn't tell you what it was. Maybe just the fact that it's such an essential moment?
| canela chapter 19 . 9/22/2015
| Moka-girl chapter 4 . 9/21/2015
I liked the part in the beginning, about how the kidnapper wanted to hide his voice. It can be hard to write a Sherlock fic because most people aren't great detectives, but by adding small details like you did, and things people notice, you manage to successfully reproduce a universe of detectives without going overboard or doing too little.
I'm a bit surprised about the Old Year's Night thing - I didn't really pay attention to it when it was said and though the turn of phrase was for the kidnapper to sound mysterious, but now I know it's used in a certain area, I'm a bit surprised the kidnapper wouldn't realize he'd given something important away. But then again, if you live all your life using a certain expression, you might not realize people speaking your language but living elsewhere might not have that very same expression, so it could be understandable in that way that the kidnapper didn't realize he was giving away useful information.
Also, I'm not sure about this, but the description of that Jenny girl, and what happened - would that justify bumping up the rating to M? I'm not very good at ratings and usually I always put the rating higher than it deserves to be in the clear, but the description of Jenny could be considered triggering for some people (I think, though I have no experience with this kind of stuff), and it's crude enough. I can't really tell the difference between T and M, but I'd recommend you maybe look at the site rules again, just in case.
I do wonder if you've done any foreshadowing about the kidnappers that I didn't notice. maybe it's a character that appeared in this fic at some point? Or someone from the books/TV series that the reader will slowly recognize? I'll have to wait and see.
| Moka-girl chapter 3 . 9/5/2015
Hey, I'm back! Was quite busy this week with a huge thing due yesterday, and then when I wanted to update, the site was down (well, only the login feature and the review feature, making it impossible for me to do either). But now I'm here again!
I'd like to state, even if it might seem a bit weird, that I really loved the first paragraph. The description was really marvellous. Even though it's not describing anything special, it still stayed in my mind. It made me daydream a bit and imagine it all in my head, and it felt interesting to read about.
And the moment with Oliver... dear me, I really didn't like how that man (young man?) talked about ugly people. And then Mycroft touching his back (or was it the shoulder? Can't recall). The reaction and malignant teasing afterwards felt really vivid. I have social anxiety, though as a kid it was worse than it was now, and I was bullied and teased relentlessly because I was 'that quiet kid'. So that moment with Oliver and Mycroft feels particularly... strong. Is that a good word to use? I can't think of anything better.
And thanks for the AN at the end - if it hadn't been for that, I wouldn't have understood why they were both naked and yet Oliver was all shocked.
| Moka-girl chapter 2 . 8/27/2015
I wasn't aware that it was possible to know what car it his by looking at skid marks, but then again, I am no expert. The writing on Mycroft's hands confuses me, and though I have some theories about the plot, I won't divulge them and will just read further to see if I'm right.
It would be nice if we were told a bit more about Stephen, because right now the knowledge is pretty minimal. Maybe in chapter 1, add a little bit more description?
You wrote Sherlock well, and managed to capture his personality, especially when he ignores his blood-covered brother in favour of taking pictures of the crime scene.
One thing I didn’t really get was Mycroft repeating the instructions to tell Sherlock about the kidnapping. Is it shock, and Mycroft being Mycroft, is still capable of knowing ages and birthdays but instead repeats things mindlessly? Or did he get hit in the head or something?
| Moka-girl chapter 1 . 8/19/2015
Well, first thing I can say is that there is nothing I've noticed when it comes to typos or any kind of errors. The writing appears to be in top form, and is a delight to read. Had there been typos everywhere, reading this chapter would've taken me days.
First thing I noticed when reading: Nothing in the summary hints at the relationship Mycroft has with Stephen. Now, that isn't a problem for me, but some readers might want to be warned about the slash in the story, even if there's nothing explicit, because there are some people who don't care for this sort of thing. So perhaps add a warning in the summary? Just the word 'slash' would do.
Since Stephen is an OC, I hink you can add the OC tag to the character slots beneath the summary.
I would also like if Melissa and Hayley are introduced. Even a short thing like 'Hayley, Robert's wife, laughed at the joke'. That sentence tells us something about who she is, and it doesn't feel overbearing. Robert is a name I came up with for an example, and has nothing to do with your story, by the way. So just giving us a bit of info on who the two are, and why they're important? I know the other characters like Sherlock and Lestrade and all that because they're important, but it would be great to know who the two women are, because there's a lack of information about their importance or connection to the other characters.
Otherwise, I can say the story itself is perfectly well-written and you did a good job with the scenes, and I felt really drawn into the atmosphere you created.
| becgate chapter 1 . 4/7/2015
Loved it! !
| GeorgyannWayson chapter 6 . 12/9/2014
Aw, this opening scene with pulling Charlie into bed with them! Daddy needs his little girl next to him., who gives a crap what some mother nutcase has to say?! My heart is literally a puddle. On the other hand, holy crap, something big enough happened to make John do that. I'm almost afraid to find out what it could be.
Aaaaaaand cue the icks because HIS EARS WHAT I CAN'T EVEN RIGHT NOW. Poor poor Stephen, I can't even imagine the amount of pain and suffering that the poor man is in. This just went from 'holy crap' to 'holy shit' in just a few paragraphs. Eddy, why you do this?! (because it's SO GOOD, that's why and you're just a puppet master like that). I love how Molly steps up and wants to help in whatever way she can. What a dear :)
LOL to Mycroft's "I'm not a teen girl" jab and extra LOL at the very simple "we had sex" - I just can't imagine how crazy awkward that might've felt to say out loud, but he could've said something worse *shrug* props to Lestrade for being cool about it.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this ending conversation with Harriet and Mycroft. Anytime she makes an appearance, I squee like a child because you've just made her into this fun character that I am hooked to. I really like how she's offering herself as a listening ear to Mycroft. He really needs people to talk to sometimes, and especially someone that has common ground with him, no matter how great or small. A part of me hopes that she'll come back for more talking :D maybe she'll wiggle something out of him that Sherlock can't.
Great chapter and it's perfectly set up for what's to come next. Sorry if this review consisted of mostly rambling! See you later, dearest!