Reviews for Her Tragic Ending
RJ chapter 5 . 11/2/2015
OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! This was so amazing! You captured Emily's story so unbelievably well, and and and oh gosh it was just beautiful. Beautifully thought out and beautifully written. Well done
fampopstar chapter 5 . 11/17/2014
The ends creepy
HAFanForever chapter 5 . 9/3/2013
Nice payoff to the Van Dorts' fishmongering business. ;) And of course, if Barkis suggested that they do this late at night, you'd think she'd be a little more suspicious about something like that.

I haven't thought about Emily bringing anything besides the jewels and money since it never says if she did. Now I like how you have Barkis come here to be with her rather than surprise and kill her like in the other story. And I think you do great in taking a turn for the worst when Barkis says she wouldn't need her suitcase and looks at her with evil clearly being in his eyes.

Now when he smacks her against the tree, does he hit her and form the bruise that we see on her forehead? And then when the knife comes down, does it hit her in the ribs or somewhere else? Man, I bet she was feeling absolutely terrified during this, especially since Barkis was clearly not who he said he was! Once he killed her, he definitely buried her under the tree and done it so carelessly, but enough so that she wouldn't be found. Too bad that no one was able to come and save her before her death...but at least someone does come along later to truly set her free. :)

Awesome story idea! :D
HAFanForever chapter 4 . 9/3/2013
I tell you, this story about the couple is turning out awesome! :D One of my favorite authors wrote her idea on how the couple met and what events lead up to when Barkis killed her, with her father refusing to let them get married (they meet each other) because he senses that Barkis is not someone to be trusted and has devious plans...turns out he was right. :( But what I like about your story is the idea of what would happen between the couple even if her father never met Barkis, especially because it would lead him to suggest for them to elope. My friend wrote in her story that Emily asks for her father's permission, which he denies, so it leads to Barkis to suggest that they elope instead. And Emily objects to that at first as well, but if (like you do here) Barkis convinced her of the good that would come from doing it, how could she disagree with him?

Very good continuation. :)
HAFanForever chapter 3 . 9/3/2013
From your dialogue at the start, I think that also shows to support Emily's naivete on how Emily quickly fell in love with Barkis and believed everything he said, ultimately wanting to marry him, despite barely getting to know him. And yes, her mother is right about how they should get to know each other, but maybe Emily thought he seemed too good to be true that she wasn't thinking clearly and how much her desire of marriage was tugging at her heartstrings.

But you have her parents point out all the things that she is neglecting to look at, especially with how looks can be deceiving on people. That's also possible why she fell for him so fast. Man, if anything, I'd say love has blinded her too much on not thinking clearly and carefully.

I figured he'd be underneath her balcony, and unfortunately they can't meet because of her parents being in the way. But then hours after he leaves her the item and she sees it...love has completely blinded this girl! What Barkis did is what of the best ways that shows how you can't trust certain people, because people who come on really strong and try to win you over with gifts or treats of some kind do that in order to reel you in, to make you think that they are harmless before they make their move...
HAFanForever chapter 2 . 9/3/2013
Reading this and seeing the movie makes me wonder just how long Emily was dead before Victor came along, like I have a hunch that she was about their age in the film (19, at least Victor is that age) when they were still children.

Once Barkis makes his appearance again, it can only turn into joy for Emily. Too bad this isn't actually the work of fate...:( But just like you play out here, I bet Barkis passed himself off as a newcomer in the village when he first met Emily, and her knew how to put on a very convincing facade. And some authors have debated about Barkis having used a different name when he and Emily first met, probably because in the film, when she recognized him, she only said, "You!" She didn't call him a name. But heck, I'd go with Barkis in the stories here for consistency.

Oh yes, Emily brings out her naivete in this whole situation, believing that this newcomer is really who he says he is. But yeah, like I say in my essay, she is so naive because of how she trusts and believes too quickly and too easily. She isn't stupid, she's just...not always very bright. But I think it's also not her fault since people like Barkis and then Victor with his deceit come off as so convincing.

I love how in the last paragraph, you describe the moment that would lead to how her future changed forever, with Barkis's change of expression from charming to menacing! We know he is up to something!
HAFanForever chapter 1 . 9/3/2013
Hey, thank you so much for the review on my new essay! I saw this story on FF, but I've been so busy that I haven't had time to review it. But I decided to go ahead as a way of thanking you for what you did. :)

I love this whole chapter regarding Emily's development, including her backstory in trying to find a suitable suitor, someone she actually loves. Of course, this is also where I feel that she is so naive because of the kind of dream she has in finding the right man. You know, based on the fact that she was wealthy like Victor and Victoria, I wonder just how different she was from Victoria in terms of how repressed or not her life was based on how it was more like that way for women. But from here, her parents don't sound like Maudeline or Finis.

I bet I know who the man that Emily sees from her balcony is...;) Very good start here. :)
Whiggity chapter 5 . 9/2/2013
You know, this story is much better. I like a lot of the little details you leave here and there, particularly regarding your interpretation of Emily's character - she comes off as vain and a little bratty, but not to the point of the reader beginning to dislike her, because the story doesn't condone her behavior. She is a foolish girl making a foolish choice, and that's made clear to the audience so that we don't begin to dislike her. You have some moments of great description here and there, particularly at the death scene, and I loved the part where Emily assesses her reflection at the fountain (again, establishing her vanity) and Barkis shows up - it was a very neat transition.

The biggest (and really only) problem here is the problem of the story not keeping a consistently Victorian tone. Considering the movie's high focus on propriety and the expectations of society in that time period, that's a really big thing to leave out. The thing is, women did *not* have this much autonomy when it came to whom they married back then. There is simply no chance that Emily's parents would have let her have so much say in her preference for husbands, let alone go through a checklist suitors and reject them all in such a way. Women had two functions in society for most of human history: to make babies, and act as collateral for forming family alliances. Since the prospect of arranged marriage was basically THE central plot point of the movie, why abandon it here?

Emily's decision to elope would seem much smarter if, rather than doing it to "rebel" (as young, upper-class Victorian women simply did NOT do), she were trying to escape an arranged marriage to someone she was afraid would treat her badly - since that adds an extra layer of irony when Barkis turns out so much worse. It makes her story a much more tragic one, rather than one where a dumb broad gets herself killed because she was a shallow gold digger. Why would you be sad about that?