|Reviews for Fragmented Soul|
| Dispel chapter 14 . 12/13/2019
Tfw you look for smut but you get feels T-T
| badwolffor3ver chapter 104 . 11/10/2019
OMG this chapter is fantastic and i could kill robin! so worth the wait. can't wait to see what you have coming next x
| J.F.C chapter 103 . 10/16/2019
And it took me four days but I finally reread and caught up to the latest chapter. I deeply love your OC's you have indeed quite the talent in creating them and give each of them their unique personalities and backgrounds.
Let me tell you for over a billion words and close to half way through the second it's quite impressive to keep track of all of them and their developments. I only found two tiny plotholes that could be easy to fix with a minor modification or an added explanation. 1. Harry asking twice for that true potion. Just modify the second time as him asking for a second vile as he needed two of them for two people. Super easy to fix. 2. Moody had already went and even entered to Greyback's territory to pick on Harry's kid. Just add a few more sentences to deeply explain why he had forgotten their location like the new and stronger wards the second they were installed from then on it confuses the Ministry and the Order's from finding the location once again...not affecting Voldemort as his gang were literally on the border at that time to be truly affected by it. Fixed.
Now to what I really want to write about. I deeply love your slice of life, but I have to be honest I'm deeply intrigued but at the same time deeply worried with your story in another angle. It's true that Fenrir has recruited a couple of more Were's...but man he should really consider creating a hidden base elsewhere as a way to let his pack escape on time if things get really bad in the end...but beyond this he should really consider going outside of the country and ally himself with outside packs or ally himself with other "monsters" at this point to realistically improve his chances of survival.
The second one is what I'm really more concerned about and intrigue on how in the end you are planning to resolve all of these issues. I can't wait to find, since while it's true that Fenrir's pack has grown... it's also true that the villains are multiplying far beyond at this point to actually believe that only his pack would ever be able to beat them all.
After rereading all of this I'm just going to add here all the villains and potential future villains to see how huge the villain side is to tell you what I mean.
Voldemort, Death Eaters, Ministry, Daily Prophet, Voldemort's dangerous werewolf pack that is growing super rapidly with knowledge of how to kill in many ways, Voldemort's super dangerous Basilisk, Dumbledore, Order of the Phoenix, random discriminatory groups, insider villain(Robin), Quinn(through Robin, but also the chance that his background girl is actually connected to a group of dedicated hunters), Micha(another Werewolf pack? A Hunter?)...and many more I didn't mentioned since I don't consider them as dangerous but the list is growing and growing with every new chapter... and the list to combat all of this to realistically fight all of this without hurting your realism of the story? And with some of them compromised still do to current circumstances like three of the pack unable to fight back without causing the death of a love one in Voldemort's hands.
Yep I'm worried...but I'm still hopeful to see how you are planning to combat all do this. Maybe it's time to introduce some development that could even the odds a bit? Lol, maybe Micha's bar 'friend" is not a super villain after all that just wants to rape him but a spy from an outsider pack that is thinking of an alliance? Just a thought, since I don't know what your planning to do in the end...since I know that in the end no matter the happy moments and the sad ones this is still a slice of life in the literal form(all of this words and Harry is still not even close to ending this year...so the story is going in a day by day basis)...but hopefully this comment will serve as a reminder of how unbalanced and unrealistic their chances of survival are right now. And that's not even counting the fact that not all of the members are able or even trained to actually fight.
Well, this is a wait and see comment. Let's see what the future brings. Hope you update soon.
| Jessaya chapter 103 . 9/22/2019
Really good chapter, thank you for updating so soon :) I hope Harry and Fenrir meet again soon, I really miss them together. Robin is such a beast, and I hate her, I really hope you will make her suffer for her betrayal.
| kaijin36 chapter 103 . 9/22/2019
Good work for the gel but aconite is the 2nd dangerous poison in the vegetable world did you think there will be some consequences for extra use
| Aqua Lilly chapter 1 . 9/8/2019
You over explain everything. Instead of just letting the story itself /show/ what's happening, you /tell/ every little detail of why a character is doing something. It really turns into a wordy info dump when you do this. It's sometimes okay that explain things to such a degree but when I'm having to skim over two paragraphs of unnecessary backstory/character thought explanation, it's too much. A lot of times, the dialogue or the characters actions, appearance, and/or additude tells you all you need to know.
EX: Snape screwed his face into an ugly sneer before with a swift turn of his heel, he left Harry and his friends standing in the middle of the hallway, his robes billowing behind him as he stormed off.
This tells me:
a) Mr. Sneers-a-lot is not only disgusted but also feels underlying hatred for whatever disgusted him.
b) He's got a few screws loose if he has feels that much hatred towards a child. (if we ignore the fact that we know why he hates the child, but then it just tells us he's petty).
c) We are introduced/shown his drama-queen side when he billows his robes. The subtletie of it makes not a foreign concept but in the back of our head, we are thinking that's he is overdramatic at times.
These three points add just as much if not more character in one sentence than three of your paragraphed internal monologues.
Food for thought.
| Aqua Lilly chapter 1 . 9/8/2019
""What do you need?" she asked him gently. It wasn't much, but those three words lifted Severus' heart..."
Those are four words...
| lechatabbicat chapter 101 . 7/18/2019
I am so happy you've updated! Love the story! :) well done!
| Guest chapter 100 . 6/30/2019
Love the story so far, looking forward to the next chapter.
| l chapter 53 . 4/24/2019
i fucking hate dumbdore
| bragoblaze chapter 100 . 3/5/2019
I was not expecting that XD This chapter was of course beautifully written just as I come to expect of this awesome fanfic! I was just thrown in for a loop at Romy’s actions Because I felt as though this was a step backwards in her character progression however it was justified. I felt that if she could forgive Dean (though I don’t know if anybody could), that would’ve spoken volumes about her moving on from her past pain. I love this chapter regardless because the pack’s together! And Jaylon gets his kisses! Finally! Keep on writing and being awesome, your fans love you :)
| missmoonprincess123 chapter 100 . 2/25/2019
I’ve be here from the start I can’t wait for the next chapter
| Mags1st chapter 100 . 2/14/2019
I think my happy bubble mood recently ruined the chapter for me a little bit. Don't get me wrong, I fully understand why it had to happen and you worked it perfectly but I was still hoping to keep my pink tinted glasses and everything to work out with the DeanAiden duo... so yeah, a little bitter sweet love this time. And especially knowing what is coming with the stupid strays and the stupid Voldy and themost stupid of them all Robin. Ugh how I want to wring her neck -_-
| mimaja chapter 100 . 2/12/2019
Wow, what a chapter, not only in length but also in emotions. I am glad that Harry has stood up for Romy and could achieve this mild punishment, even if Clay doesn't see it that way. but there is probably trouble in the house in the next chapter, because thanks Robin we appear Russ and Gideon's pack and that will certainly not a friendly match.
| delia cerrano chapter 100 . 2/9/2019
Thought it was a good meaty chapter...lots of stuff going on and that other werewolf gang ready to attack next chapter I hope. I'm afraid for this group which has an awful lot of young untried people and not many down and dirty or experienced fighters. Then there's pregnant Callie whose delicate anyway not to mention Robin! Now there is a winner! Maybe she will be killed but I think she probably will go as a prize to the wild attacking bunch. She will sure regret that and wish she was back with Fenir. That Romy though! What a disappointment she is. So selfish. She got hurt and abused but she did get rescued and is welcomed back in the nest with her loved ones so she goes out to get revenge endangering everyone by killing someone who could fight and defend them and who has mates and has shown he is sorry for what happened. Her parents and her mate would have suffered if she was "sentenced to death" and her pack weaker in more ways than one. Disgusted with her!