Reviews for Broken Promises and New Beginnings
shanobi chapter 3 . 9/15/2002
Oh my, Mel! How heartbreaking and angsty can you get? That was just, oh, so sad. You did a great job with this post. You are still staying within character pretty good too. Qui was a bit harsh, but then again - -what else is new. He always realizes too late, the wrongs he's done to Obi-Wan.

I agree with what someone else said, i really hope that Obi does not just forgive Qui for that. The Bandomeer remark was beyond uncalled for - -it was just plain cruel. He'd already broken the young mans heart, it's a wonder he didn't shatter it with that final comment. I hope Qui really is dead to Obi, and that Qui is made to feel the same way he made Obi feel-when/if they meet again. Oh, we know they will :)

Well, i'm off to read chapter 4. Can't wait.

Starwars-FREAK2 chapter 4 . 9/15/2002
Great story, very angsty though. Love it. Keep writing!


Lizella chapter 4 . 9/15/2002
That is weird. I am about one of the greatest Qui-fans in the entire universe (even if I know he can be a stupid ass sometimes) and you do not seem to like him much (just like CYN) . Still I love your story and it does not stop me from my favourite Jedi Master. Write more soon!
Heidi M chapter 4 . 9/15/2002
I'm so-ooo hooked to this story, and it's going to be long, yay!

Wow cant wait to read what happends at the Naboo. I hope that Yoda and Obi are going to be okay.

BTW, I love it how you write Yoda, when he thinks obi as a gift, WoW!

Keep updating, please _
Natira chapter 4 . 9/15/2002
Here I'm and crying again. This time 'cause Yoda is so nice for Obi.

*hangs on with bouth hands*
Esme chapter 4 . 9/14/2002
A really beautiful pairing of Obi and Yoda! This story is terrific and well told. Waiting in great anticipation for next chapter!
Guest chapter 4 . 9/14/2002
Enjoying this. Of course I love Obi Wan. Happy that Yoda has taken him on.

obaona chapter 3 . 9/14/2002
I'm glad my comments helped. ;)

The size of the paragraphs is much better, as are the facial expressions. :)

I really like how you explain not only what the characters are feeling, but where they come from - that's rare but very necessary in a story. Good job! I loved all of the interaction between the characters - Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, and Anakin. Just all so realistic and believeable. :) The combination of pain and floundering is just perfect.

Okay, time for critique. ;) I noticed a few minor grammar errors - very little, nothing that takes away from the story. You leave out commas in a few places and such, but like I said very minor. Also, another writing tip is to vary the length of your paragraphs (you don't really seem to have a problem with this, but I thought I'd tell you anyway).

Anyway, looking forward to more - when will the next part be up? Soon, I hope? :) I'd love to hear how Obi-Wan trains under Master Yoda (I love that green troll!).

Write more (ahem - and put it here ;) soon! Please! :D
Esme chapter 1 . 9/14/2002
Sensational angst! Very emotionally stirring! Obi-Wan was very dignified and Qui-Gon was such a colossal jerk! Painfully memorable scene between the pair.
Ivy Raine chapter 3 . 9/14/2002
This is good, but sad. I cried with Obi-Wan and Qui-Jon. Please fix their relationship!
Natira chapter 3 . 9/14/2002
This is great! It made me cry like a baby. (And I DO love good cry.) )

Qui-Gon really gets me angry, but I hope that he'll realise that he is doing a big mistake.

Please, continue! )
dark angel chapter 3 . 9/14/2002
oh my god i hate Qui Gon!he is such a total bastard!poor obi!don't worry honey, i still love u!i really love this story but always in stories like these obi wan ends up forgiving him but i don't think he should after what he said, its ur story but i really don't think Qui deserves forgiveness this time.I will definetely be waiting for the next chapter so update off to console my poor obi...
Heidi M chapter 3 . 9/14/2002
Oh my god! Oh my god!

You know, An Untimely Frost is one of my favorite stories, it made me cry, laugh, it made me sad, angry and happy. And so does your story too,

Oh man I could kick Qui-Gon's ass right now, oh and Ani! man that I hate that little *******, please kill him, please?::evil grin::

Anyhoo poor Obi, I hope that he can show some day to Qui-Gon that he can go on without him.

I love your story!

Please update soon!
maxwig chapter 2 . 9/13/2002
Very interesting AU for TPM. I love it so far. Can't wait to see where you go from here.
obaona chapter 2 . 9/13/2002


*ahem* errr . . . *gains control of self*

Great story, great premise. And I'm familiar with CYNICAL21 story - I think I'm on Chapter 20 something. ;)

Anyway! Your writing is good and I liked the whole Council scene and how you did it. Qui-Gon leaving the Order and refusing the Council's orders was very realistic and plausible.

And since FF.N is telling me to critique, I will. :) I don't have much to say except for two things: shorter paragraphs. You have paragraphs where it really needs to be split into several - it makes it easier to read. :) Number two (personal preference here) is more descriptions of their expressions. :)

All done.

Oh my, is my critique longer than saying I love it and want to read more? :O Well, I could go on about that but I'll leave it at this: WRITE MORE!
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