|Reviews for Broken Promises and New Beginnings|
| Esme chapter 4 . 9/14/2002
A really beautiful pairing of Obi and Yoda! This story is terrific and well told. Waiting in great anticipation for next chapter!
| Guest chapter 4 . 9/14/2002
Enjoying this. Of course I love Obi Wan. Happy that Yoda has taken him on.
| obaona chapter 3 . 9/14/2002
I'm glad my comments helped. ;)
The size of the paragraphs is much better, as are the facial expressions. :)
I really like how you explain not only what the characters are feeling, but where they come from - that's rare but very necessary in a story. Good job! I loved all of the interaction between the characters - Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, and Anakin. Just all so realistic and believeable. :) The combination of pain and floundering is just perfect.
Okay, time for critique. ;) I noticed a few minor grammar errors - very little, nothing that takes away from the story. You leave out commas in a few places and such, but like I said very minor. Also, another writing tip is to vary the length of your paragraphs (you don't really seem to have a problem with this, but I thought I'd tell you anyway).
Anyway, looking forward to more - when will the next part be up? Soon, I hope? :) I'd love to hear how Obi-Wan trains under Master Yoda (I love that green troll!).
Write more (ahem - and put it here ;) soon! Please! :D
| Esme chapter 1 . 9/14/2002
Sensational angst! Very emotionally stirring! Obi-Wan was very dignified and Qui-Gon was such a colossal jerk! Painfully memorable scene between the pair.
| Ivy Raine chapter 3 . 9/14/2002
This is good, but sad. I cried with Obi-Wan and Qui-Jon. Please fix their relationship!
| Natira chapter 3 . 9/14/2002
This is great! It made me cry like a baby. (And I DO love good cry.) )
Qui-Gon really gets me angry, but I hope that he'll realise that he is doing a big mistake.
Please, continue! )
| dark angel chapter 3 . 9/14/2002
oh my god i hate Qui Gon!he is such a total bastard!poor obi!don't worry honey, i still love u!i really love this story but always in stories like these obi wan ends up forgiving him but i don't think he should after what he said, its ur story but i really don't think Qui deserves forgiveness this time.I will definetely be waiting for the next chapter so update off to console my poor obi...
| Heidi M chapter 3 . 9/14/2002
Oh my god! Oh my god!
You know, An Untimely Frost is one of my favorite stories, it made me cry, laugh, it made me sad, angry and happy. And so does your story too,
Oh man I could kick Qui-Gon's ass right now, oh and Ani! man that I hate that little *******, please kill him, please?::evil grin::
Anyhoo poor Obi, I hope that he can show some day to Qui-Gon that he can go on without him.
I love your story!
Please update soon!
| maxwig chapter 2 . 9/13/2002
Very interesting AU for TPM. I love it so far. Can't wait to see where you go from here.
| obaona chapter 2 . 9/13/2002
*ahem* errr . . . *gains control of self*
Great story, great premise. And I'm familiar with CYNICAL21 story - I think I'm on Chapter 20 something. ;)
Anyway! Your writing is good and I liked the whole Council scene and how you did it. Qui-Gon leaving the Order and refusing the Council's orders was very realistic and plausible.
And since FF.N is telling me to critique, I will. :) I don't have much to say except for two things: shorter paragraphs. You have paragraphs where it really needs to be split into several - it makes it easier to read. :) Number two (personal preference here) is more descriptions of their expressions. :)
Oh my, is my critique longer than saying I love it and want to read more? :O Well, I could go on about that but I'll leave it at this: WRITE MORE!
| JediGal101 chapter 2 . 9/13/2002
Master Block Head strikes again!Write more soon!;D
| shanobi chapter 2 . 9/13/2002
Another awesome chapter Mel :)
"My mistake it was thinking worthy of him you must be, now see it clearly I do. Worthy of you he is not. A Jedi you will be I promise.'
Nice line! Thank goodness for Yoda, and a very clever way to have him take over Obi-Wan's training. Nice reference to the to events in AUF also.
You've got me wondering now though :) So Yoda and Obi-Wan are the ones going back to Naboo, right? I'm very curious to see how things with the sith are going to now turn out. Will they still meet? Will we get a peek at Yoda's saber skills like we did in AOTC? :)
Doing a great job, you are. You've had something dramatic in each post so far-that will definately keep your readers coming back. I agree with whoever it was that said you are doing a good job with keeping everyone in character. That is so important.
I only have one, tiny, eensy, weensy suggestion:) Could you break the paragraphs up just a bit in your next post? It just makes it much easier to read. Thanks. Can't wait for more!
| Guest chapter 2 . 9/13/2002
Good, very good. Mean Qui-Gon! *pops Qui-Gon on the head* Poor Obi-WAn! Write more soon!
| Heidi M chapter 2 . 9/13/2002
Talk about the angst and drama! WoW! I hope that you update soon _
I cant wait to read when Qui(that man is so...If he would be here now I would hit him!)
finds out that Yoda trains Obi ::evil grin::
| Padawan Rejects chapter 1 . 9/13/2002
Wow. The quality in the writing here... Amazing!
And the idea behind the plot, Qui Gon's (in my opinion) Betrayal of Obi Wan, is also very good. I've never seen an A/U like it.
You did a very good job of keeping everyone in character as well. It seems like alot of fanfiction writers have trouble with that, but you've seemed to take it in stride. ;-)
The only thing I can see that could be improved on is possibly the thoughts... in some places they didn't seem to fit correctly. The general idea behind the thought yes, but not the wording.
Looks like you've put in alot of hard work on this, please keep writing!
Erra from Padawan Rejects