this is an interesting story but VERY hard to read. Story should "flow" easily when one reads it. Not need a manual to decipher what some notation or other means. Thoughts and such should be obvious not need special notation.

your story sounds interesting. However although you finished it long time ago it would be nice if you would consider doing some editing. Such as breaking up text into paragraphs and use for example italic text to denote thoughts or mental conversations and such.

Great job! I love stories like this, where Qui-Gon survived TPM and hope to one day write my own, although that's completely irrelevant.

So many stories that follow this line are unrealistic, but you left no plot holes. The characters were all very realistic, and you certainly have a dufferent pairing here, which I think is a good thing. I've never really considered Obi/Adi, but this kind of made me think.

To sum it up, awesome story, and I'm off to read the sequel! :-)

wow... well usually I wait to have finished all that is available of the story before reviewing but well you caught me off guard

your characters are perfectly well... in character

l I had a slight doubt though... is Anakin emphazizing the word"Master" on purpose so toenlithens to Obi-wan that it was HIS place now?it would be very cruel of him (well we all know the cruelty of the children anyway..)

anyway I must congratulate you because that must be the first time I'm crying because I'm so taken in the story like I was

well sometimes I may let escape tears in one or another fanfiction it's true but it usually involves major dying or something

the situation would have rahter called to m fury (yeah yeah I didn't wait for you to hate Qui-gon...tsskk and to think than even dead he's still there bothering us...)

well anyway it was just perfect how you pictured their conversation... I could rightly see it

I don't know what pb you had with the facial expression but it seemed perfect to me

well QG's outburst was a little surprising (I'm not surprised tha he reacted badly but in that proportion...) ahah "Obi-Wan Kenobi's Replacement" in no time you'll be desperate to have sweet Obi-wan back instead of that annoying arrogant brat that Anakin will obviously become (all the more with someone continually praising him)

well it's obvious that Obi-wan is not even gonna be angry with QG and that i's not a question of forgiveness... I relinquish in the fact that QG's own words as long with the knowing that he's broken the boy will haunt him forever (yeah that would be much worse than anger... I hope that he will suffer A LOT in the next chapters )

well anyway to sum it all: really great story we're totally taken in it and can't hlp but feel the pain along with Obi-Wan

oh and also... don't know why but I thought Windu would train him... Yoda seem a little too...occupied for the job (with the youngling and his statue in the Temmple and all..) but well we'll see how this will come

I thought that Jedi were supposed to be celibate? No attachments remember? Crushes are fine as long as nothing is done about them. So is this kinda AU because they are allowed romantic liaisons?

This as a really good story. I especially loved the characterisation of Obi, Qui and Yoda - the inner dialogue always seemed really inkeeping.

I'm intrigued as to how this story will continue in the sequels, especially concerning Anakin. Not quite sure about the whole romance thing you had going on, and the way the order accepted what's forbidden by the code, but on the whole, an excellent, addictive read.

Good work!

I liked reading your story, it was interesting, especially the Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan interaction. Anakin is an intriguing character. I look forward to reading the sequel. ;)

One small criticism (I know, this story is several years old and finished): the whole Obi-Wan and Adi Gallia thing spoiled the story for me a bit - at one point, I was just skipping those parts. I don't get what it brings to the story and, from what I understand, "dating" and "Jedi" do not go together. So I don't really understand why you felt it would be necessary to add this aspect to a fanfic which already had an interesting subject.

poor obi-wan

sounds good

This is a great fic and i haven't finished it yet, but i intend to but there are a few things that are really bothering me.

1. Adi has head tails not hair.

2. Adi is suppose to have a Padawan at this point in time who is a year or two younger then Obi so she should still be around.

3. Adi is like three times Obi's age, i think she was the same age as Qui-Gon, so

anyway other then that its a great fic.

This story is awesome! I love it and can't wait for the sequel!

This is an awesome story! I must admit though, one of my deciding reasons to read this story was its connection with Cyncial21's An Untimely Frost. But I love your story anyways!

wiw! may i say *sob* that i *sob* LOVE THIS? oh my gossh i want to cry...hehe. wow this is so excellent. ha! now..off to read your sequel...:)

So great, can't say more.

Loved it and i'm gonna read the sequel, plus put you on my faves list!

oh my god! That chapter was so sad, oh gees now I'm crying...