|Reviews for Us, Them, and the Big Bad World|
| hunter starlight chapter 3 . 4/9
Please Update soon Please
| Sterben-Salamander chapter 3 . 2/1
loved it cant wait for the next chapter
| Guest chapter 3 . 1/31
very good, loved
| Covante chapter 3 . 1/16
I've read a lot of stories with interesting or unique beginnings on this site and of the writers I would very much like to see update I do believe you are the top of the list.
| ElementalMaster16 chapter 3 . 8/22/2014
very awesome fic so far!
PLEASE UPDATE SOON! (_)
| LtsHrIt4ThBoyz chapter 3 . 6/16/2014
Well written; intriguing and original premise; and strong, intelligent characters, always capture this readers attention. Now, I'm just waiting on you to get some more of those creative juices flowing and fulfill the promise shown in these opening chapters of this terrific story!
Hope to hear from you, soon and
| Philosophize chapter 3 . 5/13/2014
What a place to stop... Please don't abandon this!
| Mararsi chapter 3 . 2/16/2014
Wow I did not realize this was such a short story so far... anyway, really interested can't wait for more (although maybe nothing graphic about their sex life like Harry's girth...) Thanks for all the hard work.
| pfeil chapter 3 . 2/8/2014
I'm glad you have the chutzpah to keep them together and not have them even try to hide it.
| Man of Constant Sorrow chapter 3 . 12/26/2013
Let me start off by saying that I loved the first two chapters of this story, you built the relationship between Harry and Aster very well. Their incestous relationship seems very logical and understandable when you see how they had only each other, throughout coping with the hardships of the abuse by their relatives. This proves that if portrayed correctly that incest can be sweet and feel rather wholesome.
...chapter 3, I have very little positive to say about this chapter other than it was lacking in typos.
First off the time skip is a HUGE no-no, you don't do that, its lazy and robs the reader of important details, especially when you left Harry and Aster in such a bad situation last chapter.
Two, going to America is quite frankly one of the worst ideas in Harry Potter fanfiction, and just reeks of poor writing, especially when America is portrayed as being so much better than Great Britain. If you want this story to be taken seriously then keep it centered in England, Harry Potter is a story which REQUIRES that it is Britain based period. Can they visit other places, sure. Can they live abroad for awhile, yeah but never America.
Three you lost focus in a big way when it comes to what you projected/advertised in the summary. The summary states that Abusiverelatives, life on the streets, becoming criminals by necessity, and moral ambiguity" barring the abusive relatives you have not delivered. This is what we the readers want to read about, them growing up on the streets, becoming pickpockets, sneakthiefs, sleeping in abandoned warehouses, and slums. Fighting and protecting o ne another, falling SLOWLY love with one another. Discovering magic a.
nd utilizing it to become better criminals so they can have a better life. Learning a bout their heritage and celebrity and eventually being caught and brought back into the wizarding world, perhaps a raid by aurors on a counterfeiting muggle money scam, simply duplicating via the Gemino charm spending it quickly then the later the muggles find that it has disappeared because the copy disappated.
I highly recommend you have them join the Wizarding world at age 11, too much has happened and leaving it till their 17 feels like your simply trying to avoid the Hogwarts years, Hermione would be dead as would Ginny, and Voldemort would have risen, as would have Tom Riddle, two dark lords running around, Sirius is still in azkaban, and dobby is likely dead, if they are not their to save the day.
Fourth her name, Aster...that's a bad name, I passed this story twice before because I thought it was a male, as likely have many others, please consider something more obviously effeminant else your likely to have many others passing it over believing it to be slash.
Forgive me if this came across harshly, it was not my intention, I just see so much potential in this story and was frankly devastated after reading how off chapter three was from the first two chapters.
despite my criticism, thanks so much for sharing, I wish you well in your writing.
| Pheonixs1518 chapter 3 . 12/25/2013
o-o could of sworn this is a repost and I've read this chapter before...
| Io's Torment chapter 3 . 11/12/2013
Interesting start. Definitely want to see where this goes.
| Tangolikeoak chapter 3 . 10/23/2013
Looking forward to whatever comes next! Thanks so much for writing!
| Chi Vayne chapter 3 . 10/20/2013
So the Potters are seventeen at this point? Hard to see exactly what Dumbledore thinks he can do - they're of age at this point, right? Old murder charge against Harry, but probably would be cleared as obvious self defense. Unless you are giving Dumbledore a lot more power/influence than he had in canon. Are they aware that Dumbledore was responsible for them being placed with the Dursleys?
| Trinel chapter 3 . 10/19/2013
Thanks for the update.
The time-skip threw me off, until I made sense of it. I didn't particularly liked how black and white, America and England looked in the chapter, I hope that in future chapters you show some good aspects the English have, and some bad stuff from the Americans.
The last scene was somewhat sour to me. Sort what out? Dumbledore really shouldn't have any business with them, or their principal, any legal business. They shouldn't have anything to be nervous about, they SHOULD have the backing of whatever Magical Government the Americans have, and be under their protection. I also found their agreeing with this meeting, that was worded rather forceful without any sort of argument to be disappointing.
But as a whole, I liked the chapter