Reviews for Outsiders
KawaiiCutie12 chapter 1 . 7/25
Bruh, WHY do u always only write one chapter for such great stories like this?
BIGTLKSWFAN chapter 1 . 4/6
I hope you make more story/chapters where's Scar forcing to kill Mufasa and help save Simba.
trebeh chapter 1 . 2/15/2016
This was beautifully written; please consider turning this into a full length story. You would definitely generate a following, seeing as how you would be offering an original idea and not one that has been rehashed a thousand times.
queen.andromeda chapter 1 . 4/10/2014
I like this! It can't JUST be a one-shot! I like little Chako, and the idea of kind, loving Scar. Simba as a bully makes sense. I love this AU! It needs more!
Guest chapter 1 . 3/28/2014
And this is why we hate the lion king.
There was a quote
'Well maybe you shouldn't have turned your back on me'
eliiizaschuyler chapter 1 . 9/12/2013
MORE
readsmanyfavsfew chapter 1 . 9/11/2013
*Pokes head from the shadows*
Err Hi. I know you haven't seen me reviewing lately. I'm a jerk for doing so I know, but things just kinda got away from me. Sorry about that. But I'm here now so let's dive in.

First off, this story is fantastic. I love it. It's got good dialogue, good description, a bit of action, a lot of drama, and immeasurable emotion. All standard for your stories at this point.

Really, you know how to really punch your reader's right in the heart with your stories geese. Not that I don't like it, really I love it. I'm impressed at how you managed to near instantly, with a snap of your fingers make the reader empathize with chako to begin with, and then scar. It helped that there was a heaping amount of injustice made apparent, and it was built naturally. Before the characters were even really properly introduced, I was already starting to empathize, and by the end of the story, I was completely invested. Through small conflicts it scaled into more and more serious problems, It was a well progressed way to introduce characters and background at the same time while keeping the reader's interest.

So many of the authors I've been reading of late will write characters but fail to make the reader feel anything for any of them, so they fall flat. It's really refreshing to come to your stories and see your mastery of plucking the heart strings.

There are only two flaws that I see. One, (and you seem to have noticed this yourself), all the characters aren't acting canon. Simba isn't that cruel, Mufasa doesn't hate his brother, and Scar isn't one to be fatherly. AU's are supposed to alter an event in the story, not so much the characters. (Atleast that's how I interpret them, If you're going to change characters on a base level, why not just make new ones?) I'm not saying that them being out of character is a bad thing, it's just I feel like they'd function better as completely new characters with new names, with their own story. That's what they feel like to me reading the story.

The second flaw, and perhaps I'm only a tiny insey winsey little bit biased here. For the love of god please write more.(Or end it differently) D:

Oneshots are supposed to be self contained and whole in and of themselves. The ending of this story doesn't really set down a conclusion as much as it lays down the foundation for a story. And that's not really a feeling you should want to convey with a oneshot. By the end of it you want your reader to feel satisfied that what they've read is a complete tale. Well, this doesn't mean you can't leave some conflicts hanging open at the end of any short story, but what's important is that there be atleast some modicum of satisfaction to be gleamed from the ending. I didn't read the end of this story and feel "Wow that was a nice oneshot. It shed some light on a small side moment or a bit of character development on the side." I finished this story thinking "Wow! I wonder what happens next!"

Ignoring my immense sadness that there won't be more chapters, I suggest altering the ending some so it doesn't end on "I'm going to make things better." That line is particular really makes me think there'll be a next chapter button the on bottom right of the screen. To be honest I'm not sure how you could tone down the reader's interest in finding out what happens to scar and his son, since in order to accomplish this you'd have to undo a bit of the reader's investment in the characters which most of the story was spent creating. Still, those are just my thoughts.

Best of luck in the contest! I'd be willing to bet money this story is going to kick butt.

P.S (If you continued this story I would be made immensely happy.)

P.S.S (No that wasn't an attempt to get you to write more.)

P.S.S.S (Okay. Maybe it was. Just a little,)
Emerald dreamer96 chapter 1 . 9/9/2013
This was disturbing, the sheer wrongness of starving a cub, Simba practically torturing his smaller cousin into obedience and Mufasa being even worse than in the movie somehow means more than all the deaths and tragedies that normally crop up in many stories around.

Great job this deserves to win just because of the sheer effect you managed to squeeze out of such a short story, good luck with the contest!
LionLover23 chapter 1 . 9/9/2013
This is great. Im really interested in this artwork, I WANT MOOAAARRRR!