Reviews for Daystar's Remix of Rationality
carl.antuar chapter 3 . 10/6/2016
I'm noticing a pattern in each chapter, where most of the new content is at the start, easing the lead-in from the previous chapter, with more minor alterations later on. In this case, it's probably superfluous for anyone familiar with HP canon, but for those who aren't, it would certainly be a much more comprehensible/coherent introduction to the Leaky Cauldron.

Speaking of canon, I notice that you've brought back the "died in a car crash" story, instead of having Harry's adoptive parents refuse to talk about it. I'm not sure why; wanting to introduce another re-interpreted canon element, or perhaps feeling that it fit better with the whole idea of not telling Harry anything about magic? I suppose Petunia must have lied to Michael, too, giving him a mundane explanation for the Potters' deaths, and he would have no reason to cover up whatever she told him. I guess that's actually more logical than having Michael refuse to talk about the death of his in-laws, when he clearly assumed that they were perfectly normal.

Aww, no more cutlery bonuses :(. But I guess it's for the best. Amusing for D&D fans, but otherwise doesn't make any sense.
carl.antuar chapter 2 . 10/6/2016
Hooray for the early arrival of the inner committee! Although I don't remember Id getting involved in any later discussions.

Also nice to see Harry's parents fleshed out a bit more (and given a little more respect). Though it does seem to become slightly OOC when his dad apologises, Harry and his mum say it's OK, etc. I can't quite see EY!Harry becoming that sentimental.

The handling of "Harry barely reacts to levitation, but he freaks out when McGonagall turns into a cat" is, I think, a much better introduction for new readers. Showing his thought processes makes it flow much better. Which is good, because I think those paragraphs are the place where the story really starts to become funny. Interesting to note that you've actually toned down the "laugh track", with Harry's mother no longer having to flee into the backyard. Given the target audience of HPMoR, that probably works; humor shouldn't need to be overdone. From that point of view, it would be great to see you redo chapter 5; it's a great chapter, hilarious to many people, but has been criticised - with reason, perhaps - for drawing too much attention to how funny it thinks it is. Based on what you've done here, I think you could do a good job of making chapter 5's jokes come off classier.
carl.antuar chapter 1 . 10/6/2016
The extra details of Harry's cupboard and Hogwarts letter are nice, but what I particularly appreciate is how Harry's attitude is softened a little.

From what I've seen, Harry's arrogance is the most off-putting aspect of HPMoR for new readers, and it's nice to see, for example, his desire for his parents' respect being toned down, from denying that he gets "the slightest shred of respect", to simply wishing that he were respected *like an adult*. More "child genius" and less "self-important brat." Kudos!
The Articulator chapter 4 . 4/16/2015
Quite a wonderful rewriting indeed. Definitely shored up some of the teething troubles in the first couple chapters, and put the quality more in line with the whole. I agree with some of the others who recommend adding 5 and 6, though.
Veltzeh chapter 4 . 4/2/2015
I think this kind of rewrite is a good idea! It does give a bit more depth to Harry's family life and his parents and explains better some points that would be unknown to people who haven't read the originals.

I collected some small errors and points that didn't run well with me:

Chapter 1:
– "endless pool of starving uni students" For some reason, the word "uni" is really jarring there. Why is it there? Can't the tutors be grammar school students? Also, the abbreviation doesn't really fit with the other unabbreviated words. I think that in general, it's not a good idea to use abbreviations like that since it doesn't hurt to write the whole word and because it can be confusing. I used to not understand what "uni" was and it was quite annoying.
– "it occasionally took awhile" I think that should be "a while" since it's used as a noun. "Awhile" is an adverb, used like this: "Stay awhile and rest." That could be "stay for a while and rest" too, though.
– "fantasy RPG book" Again with the abbreviation. Maybe the intended demographic of the book should know what an RPG is, but I think it wouldn't hurt to type "fantasy role-playing game rulebook".

Chapter 2:
– "Harry tralied off as he realized" Just a simple typo there. And, if you want it to be British English, "realised".

Chapter 3:
– Aww, I miss the mentions of 3 knives and 2 forks! That was something that I really enjoyed. Actually, now that I think about it, the RPG explanation here would be better moved to the place in chapter 1 where RPG is mentioned for the first time.
– "through the streets of wizard, witches, and their children" Missing a plural there. And not taking into account other genders. Not that the original fanfic would either, but well.

Chapter 4: just a couple of typos.
– "People already payed" Should be "paid".
– "Harry chides himself." Should be "chided".

That's it!
The Defense Professor chapter 4 . 3/27/2015
I seriously recommend you consider doing this for the entire book, people are already talking about a community rewrite to fix the science and other issues, you could be their leader with no issue.
darthmarth28 chapter 1 . 3/12/2015
I've just come from the reddit thread where you were talking about editing HPMOR for proper publication, and I have to say that this is a wonderfully re-written opening to the story. Bravo! I'm definitely going to show this off to the relevant people.
Dakeyras chapter 2 . 3/11/2015
"I'll find a solution in time"

10/10 foreshadowing - I can't remember if this was in the original, but either way I've only just caught it.

And reading this, despite it being older than the reveal, it's still written in a way that heavily implies [SPOILER HPMOR CHAPTER 114] Harry Tom James Marvolo Riddle-Potter-Evans-Verres.
antonm1107 chapter 2 . 3/11/2015
I LOVE the touches you've added to this - particularly the new opening.
And while I liked the lines in the original where Harry's mom and dad have to go outside to laugh, I think you were right to omit them.
antonm1107 chapter 1 . 3/11/2015
YES. ALL MY YESES.
Whenever I reread the HPMOR series, I have to stop myself from groaning and closing the page, or deleting the epub. I have to look for a random page in the book and read it to cheer myself up before going back and reading more of the shit that is the early chapters.
And this makes those early bits readable.
That is FUCKING OSSIM.
LauralHill chapter 4 . 1/5/2015
Stupid phone, I meant Petunia had a complex attitude about magic. I still think you should continue, I like the extra behind the scenes stuff. Perhaps not in this l
LauralHill chapter 3 . 1/5/2015
but when yhave a complicated I did about magic doesn't she
LauralHill chapter 2 . 1/5/2015
Preview of the inner Houses, and a volcano reference, heheh...
LauralHill chapter 1 . 1/5/2015
Hey, not bad! Love the smooth transition from background to LW's original text. Very nice!
trlkly chapter 4 . 6/25/2014
Review of the entire thing:

Having taken the time to reread the next few chapters in the original fic, I think you'd do well to also cover chapters 5 and 6. The Harry in those is different from the one in your fick-much more cold and calculating. He only seems to become the version we all love in chapter 7, when he gets choked up on leaving his parents. You'd do well to warm him up a bit.

His complete dominance of McGonnal is something that the author has said he wishes he could figure out how to fix, so I think he'd appreciate it.
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