That was perfect! Having Miranda listening but not knowing had me laughing so hard!

Oh my god... this is pure genius... but now I feel like a pervert for what I thought was going on...

Love it!

Dear lord xD hammer to face? Couldn't have been that bad... Okay. Yeah nvm i feel bad for Miranda lol

That was awesome, great job

Love it!

"He was a bad, bad turian."

Indeed ;)

Also, did not see Twister coming... Dare I say it? WHAT A TWIST!

LOVED this! I was laughing the entire time, and it's so hard to pick my favorite line! The "twist" ending was unexpected and just as hilarious as the rest of the story. Great work!

I think I laughed so hard I broke something I'll probably need later. I am however, beginning to wonder how the inside of your brain looks. It must be very, very interesting being a brain cell in your head. Unlike Miranda however, they must be enjoying themselves immensely.

This is brilliant. As are you. Genius.

And I am never going to be able to remove the words 'human extruded snack' from my own head as long as I live.

I was very happy to find out that I could suss out enough of who (or what?) Miranda is, and the EDI, etc, to really enjoy this. And I've gained enough of Garrus via YouTube and CM osmosis to love the dry/clinical wit. "And there is something terribly wrong with any species who considers this recreational." Har!

I have to play this game. And then I need to come back and read this again. Maybe once more after that. ;)

This was just perfect ... I'm still chuckling. The dialogue just sparkles and the whole idea is just so clever.

"Miranda kept an ear on them anyway, for the principle of the thing. There was nothing to concern her, until a certain conversation one day sent her scurrying back to her files on one Janeway Shepard (parents Inara and Vader, brother Sisko - colonies and their naming conventions!) to try and discover how she could possibly have missed the fact that Cerberus, the foremost human-supremacy group on the galaxy, had spent an ungodly amount of money to resurrect a raging xenophile."

First, the names made me snort, and then the line, "to try and discover how she could possibly have missed the fact that Cerberus, the foremost human-supremacy group on the galaxy, had spent an ungodly amount of money to resurrect a raging xenophile" made me laugh out loud.

I loved this (tee hee - it took me a minute to guess what he was searching for):

"It took a while – there was some business on Illium to take care of, and a prolonged trip to medbay after too close an encounter with a canister of red sand. Then there was a new member of the crew to meet, and privacy, in short, was hard to come by.

Eventually, though, after a few mishaps and detours on the extranet, including catastrophic atmospheric conditions on Earth and a human extruded snack product, Garrus found what he was looking for. Some of the pictures... Spirits. And when he substituted Shepard and himself for a pair of the... participants...

He was a bad, bad turian.

He sent some incoherent jumble of words to Shepard's omnitool, and she showed up in the main battery a bare hour later."

And this (so true!):

"Shepard frowned at it. "EDI, that's cheating. Log us out."

"Logging you out, Shepard."

"I swear, I've never once logged in.""

And this (*snort*):

""I can't do that," Shepard told her flatly. "In case you haven't noticed, my legs don't bend that way."

"Well, that explains a lot," Garrus muttered.

"Like what?"

"Like the time you broke your leg on Altehe."

"You bastard! You swore never to mention that again!""

OH my cow, dying at this:

""My hand goes where? I can't reach that, Shepard. You'd have to spread your legs much wider for me to have a hope of reaching that!"

"I'm practically doing the splits as it is, Vakarian, and I'm really not comfortable in this position!""

BWah ha ha ha! Poor Miranda...

"There was not enough ryncol in the galaxy to blot this out. Miranda found herself wondering if a lobotomy would help. She diverted the rest of the feed to the Illusive Man – let him handle it, while she went and found a large hammer to apply to her forebrain. She wasn't getting paid enough to listen to the sordid sexual perversities of an alien and a zombie.

"You can't keep this up forever, Vakarian!"

"Oh, I can go all night, Shepard. I've barely started. The question is, can you keep up?""

And then I squealed for the *melt* moment at the end:

"He carefully detangled himself from Shepard, and offered her a hand up, off the somewhat crumpled plastic sheet with its rows of coloured dots. "Humans have the oddest ideas." He stood looking down at her, small and laughing, alien, familiar, his best friend in the whole galaxy. "I have to admit, when I started searching on 'Twister', I expected to turn up some exotic sexual practice."

"Oh?" Her voice dropped into that husky lower register again. "Disappointed?"

"Ah..." Well. This was Shepard. He could say it. She'd understand. "More than a little."

Her hand brushed over his ruined mandible. "Well, I'm game for that, too."

"Oh, really?" Not his smoothest line, but the best he could manage with his mandibles attempting to fall off his face. "Then I've got an awful lot of research to do.""

Utter love for this story.

Haha, perfect setup for the punchline. Loved it!

I laughed till I puked. Thanks for that, I need a mop now.

LOL this was great! Miranda's reactions had me chuckling and that last section was so good!