Reviews for Second First Impressions
Edhla chapter 1 . 11/23/2013
So because I suck and didn't realise I was tapped out on you, I thought I'd give your lovely work another review.

On your note: lol I don't know if anyone here is OoC or not, but if you have a beta who can tell, KEEP HER as she is worth her weight in gold and chocolate. :D

The pivotal word in the first sentence, 'was', was so nicely inserted that I didn't consciously see it, but certainly felt its impact; for whatever its worth, this is someone who has changed, and you quickly show the reader that this isn't a good thing. I also really liked the touch about memorising everything - most people don't try because they a) can't and b) don't need to. :)

YMMV on this one, but I felt the first two lines of the second paragraph would flow better as one, "Which he probably is, since he's..."

The narrator's being unsympathetic bordering on completely creeped out is a lovely touch - it tells the story from an unusual viewpoint and makes it unique and interesting. And the last imagery of worms and worming... brilliant. Well done. x