|Reviews for Back|
| youhatemeeeeeeee chapter 1 . 6/28/2014
First of all, I really like how you keep on writing. The stories you write really aren't my cup of tea but I like how you seem to enjoy it.
Now, please don't hate me for doing this. Or well, do. I do not really give a fuck. :3
Don't hate me. I'm only trying to help and Im rather honest.
This concrit is based on several fics I read from you.
I already posted this on another story as a review, but I decided to repost here.
Please, please, please...If you're not sure about how to spell a certain word..look it up. Google it, buy an Oxford dictionairy, get a beta reader to filter the mistakes out etc. Because even when your story is great, typos really keep people from following a story.
Secondly, we do not need to know what your characters are wearing. Unless it is important or in any way plot-relative. If it's not, we - the readers - do not give a damn fuck, honestly.
Okay, next point. What up with the slutshaming honey? Girls who sleep with boys aren't automatically sluts or a whore. Hell, being a slut..tzz.. The thing is: it's about self-respect. And you can still respect yourself even when you suck a thousand.. okay, you know what I mean. Hell I would even respect anybody who would do that.
And. About the abortion thing. Abortion is not killing a child. It's getting rid of cells that got there unwanted, yes, you may have your own opinion on this. But please do not use the 'killing a child' comparison. Consent to sex does NOT automatically mean consent to pregnancy.
Pregnancy. The next concrit point. As a proud mother of a 6 months old son I can tell you...your descriptions of pregnancy are well...pretty inaccurate. Most woman are NOT concerned about keeping their weight or how they will become fat. Hell, the baby needs space! And a baby bump is probably the most beautiful shape a woman can have (!), and if you excercise enough and do a bit of training and eat healthy the fat will go away. Yes, most woman feel stupid when they're running around with a big belly but they're not constantly whining about it.
And what about pain during the first three months of pregnancy, as you tell us about in this chapter? Uhm, false labour at that early stage should be examined immediately and the pregnancy would have to be monitored and medication would be needed. The only things that hurt during that time are your breasts. (I mean the pains of whoever's mother, in this fic I think it was.) Yes, I may add that there's sometimes a bit, a light bit of pain. However it's not really the stomach that hurts, rather the groin.
And really, stop making everybody pregnant. It's creeping me out.
Next step. Childbirth. YOU DO NOT INVITE A WHOLE BAND FRIENDS AND EXTRAS INTO THE ROOM WHILE GIVING BIRTH. Giving birth is the most intimate, painful and beautiful experience you will ever make and I do hope you will once make this experience (not too soon tho. But based on the stories I've read, well I guess you really want babies, eh? Please wait until you're older and you can make sure to provide the child with everything it needs!). And the last thing you want is a bunch of people that have no bond to the baby staring at your vajayjay while you're trying to press something out of there!
and STOP using pregnancy as a bonding thing. A kid is not going to save any relationship. A pregnancy does not keep your guy from cheating on you or leaving you.
Okay, now I'm going to teach you something about Original Female Characters.
YOUR CHARACTER DOES NOT NEED A NAME THAT MAKES HER DIFFERENT. YES WE GET IT. SHE'S A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE. But honestly, most fanfic names I've come across are just hideous. Look up popular names. Keep them realistic. In a show where all the names are so dull (Kendall, James, Katie...) a Analicia (I keep laughing because somehow that name conjures up the image of a rapper in my head who's screaming the words "IT'S ANALICIOUS") kinda...comes across...weird.
They do not, and i repeat NOT need a special background. Rape? C'mon. You do know that can trigger like big time, right? Rape is not and I will keep repeating this NOT a rhetorical device. IT DOES NOT GIVE YOUR CHARACTER DEPTH; NOR DOES IT MAKE YOUR STORY ANY BETTER.
PLUS: THEY DON'T NEED TO BE RELATED TO SOME CANONCHARACTERS. You don't have to make them the sister of someone to write them into your stories. They can be acquantainces (friendship and relationships take time by the fucking way) or childhood friends.
Okay last thing.
STOP MAKING THE GUYS SUCH CREEPY ASSHOLES. Checking someone's phone? NOT OKAY. Forcing people to listen to them, or even when they break up make the guy say something like "You're mine.."? Dude, I would call 911 faster than you could say Creep.
| Mystery Girl 911 chapter 4 . 12/11/2013
Good chapter! Sorry for your lose
| Chey21 chapter 4 . 12/8/2013
I love it!
Oww, im sorry, my condolences! My Greataunt died like a month ago ( on kendalls Birthday ) and im still a Little E Sad about it... So i get why you dont update very much right Now
| rehsurafoyrots chapter 4 . 12/7/2013
This chapter was actually really good! And yeah, I'm glad that they're only going for 2 months :) I don't have any suggestions, but I'm happy that you're not giving up on this story, even if you update like once a month haha.
| Mystery Girl 911 chapter 3 . 11/24/2013
Good chapter :) I laughed so much :') sorry for late review, been busy. Will you check out my story The Girl You Left Behind? Much appreciated!
| DeniseDEMD chapter 3 . 11/21/2013
Great chapter can't wait for more
| Chey21 chapter 3 . 11/18/2013
I love it!
I finally am up to date again ( trough not with all stories, but werking on That)
Omgod! Thats awesome, i have almost the Same but with olivia somerlyn! She follow me and replied to me twice in one night! ( the night before school started again) and then last night she replied to me again haha im so happy!
I LOVE YOU TOOOO!
| HendersonLover6185 chapter 3 . 11/17/2013
haha I love how you always add that stuff at the bottom and congrats on the follow and favoried tweet and the pictures like lol! you must be to the extream happy haha I know I would be! and who wouldn't stick with you through this story I was so attached to invisible omg! I remember everyday I would come straight home from school to read the chapter and on weekends would wait all day sairing at the computer to see if you updated I bet everyone has came back for this story!
| stephanie chapter 2 . 11/3/2013
Are there any more chapters after this one?
| rehsurafoyrots chapter 2 . 10/21/2013
You should totally continueeeee!
| Monkey D. Lyna chapter 2 . 10/6/2013
I am late...but i'm already like a month or so into school, and practice has been horrible! :P i cant wait til the next chapter! :D
| DeniseDEMD chapter 2 . 10/3/2013
Great chapter! I feel like something bad is gonna happen!
| Mystery Girl 911 chapter 2 . 10/3/2013
Brill chapter! Love Kendall and Analicia. They're so cute! I usually thought that pregnant girls don't mind getting fat cause it's only a bump in your stomach, you don't actually get fat. Plus you can eat your body weight in junk with a perfect excuse ;) can't wait for the next chapter!
Lucky you! I'll keep an eye out for that video. Also what do you think of Carlexa's engagement?
| BTR-maslow-luv97 chapter 1 . 9/27/2013
I missed this couple so much! Oh my god all this drama brewing up again right in the first chapter. Wow. But congratulations on Kendall and Analicia! They are so cute and I'm so glad they are going to have a baby. I have a feeling Xavier is going to start something and I'm worried. But I am so glad you are "back" with them! Update soon! ;)
| HendersonLover6185 chapter 1 . 9/25/2013
Omg if been waiting for Thornton continue!'I'm so excited and wow he's back already aww I feel bad for Analicia already I mean I'm scared for her lol. So happy this is back and don't continue might have problems lol in lobe with this story!