|Reviews for If Wishes Were Fishes|
| reader10005 chapter 39 . 10/22/2017
This was excellent!
| Kathy T chapter 39 . 8/24/2016
this was incredible . you have such a way with words and you comedic timing is perfect! also, drink lily is the best thing ever LOOL
| Padfoots-Wand chapter 39 . 8/20/2016
| Padfoots-Wand chapter 39 . 8/20/2016
| SmushedRubber chapter 39 . 3/11/2016
This was such a cute idea! I loved the well I wish we got to see more of it! I don't wanna come off too flame-y but I have to admit there were a few things that bothered me though about this story. I'm probably being too much of a grammar death eater (get it? Like grammar nazi?) but you use "I" as the subject of sentences in every chapter. For example, it should be "Jack came over to Jill and ME" not I. Sorry to be nit picky but this is a huge pet peeve of mine and at first I thought it was just a little mistake but you do it all the time so I think maybe you just might never have heard that grammar rule before. A good trick for it is to take out the other person in the sentence and see if it still makes sense. For example, you wouldn't say "Jack came over to I" therefore you know it's wrong to say,"Jack came over to Jill and I".
The other thing that kinda bothered me was how one dimensional a lot of the characters were, especially Lily. I felt like a huge part of this story was listing off her flaws, but then we didn't really see them at all. I know it can be hard to write bad traits for characters we like so it's easier to just list them but this comes up so much that I feel like they need to be demonstrated a bit more, if that makes sense. But overall I enjoyed your story a lot! Keep it up!
| Guest chapter 5 . 1/5/2016
The squid bit was very funny!
| princess-j3ss chapter 1 . 6/1/2015
Oh yes hi hey hello it's just me again your number one fan (do you have a #1 fan because I SO CALL IT MWAHAHA). After finishing HC I just had to read the first chapter of this story AND MAN ONE CHAPTER IN AND I'M ALREADY HOOKED you seriously have a knack for that, and cliffhangers. I'm going to liveblog my reading experience so I apologize for the spam but I AM READY I AM EXCITED.
| DeathlyHallows08 chapter 1 . 4/19/2015
that was a brilliant story, i absolutely loved it
| jaztazgirl chapter 4 . 12/2/2014
I'm not gonna lie, I love the Kevin Hart reference in the chapter..."shit was about to go down..." I almost died laughing!
| Guest chapter 39 . 11/4/2014
aww this was amazing :-) Thank you for uploading and sharing!
| Bloodshed-on-mars chapter 39 . 10/3/2014
This story is amazing. Its now in the early hours f the morning, but I don't regret reading until now, because I loved it so much!
I loved the character development, and the way it made me laugh, or cry, and all the plot twists. Just...everything. Wow.
| The May Waters chapter 39 . 9/12/2014
This was just so... so... I LOVED IT! I can't wait for the next story because you are an amazing writer and you really need to write your own novels too so I can buy them and read them and be a fangirl. I don't completely understand why this story was rated M though as there wasn't anything I saw to classify it as so. I would probably drop the rating to T and you might get more readers. I was leery at first to read it because of the M rating and I thought it would have MA content like many of the M fics do since FFN got rid of MA because of some weird thing I don't completely understand. Yep. Anyway, I've rambled on long enough. Please post your next story super soon and I'm definitely going to read your other story I haven't read yet once I get internet back at home. :D
| The May Waters chapter 38 . 9/12/2014
I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this! *cries* I love this chapter, absolutely brilliant and Scarlet did bring up a fair point and now Lily is stressing a bit too much over it, but I can see where she's coming from. Onto the next chapter!
| Rosefeather chapter 39 . 9/9/2014
Hi. I have a couple disclaimers before you read this review: It will be long, and it will probably be harsh bordering on flame. I'd like to say right now to disregard this entire thing as the ravings of a mad person if I offend. I really try to provide constructive criticism but sometimes it comes off as being mean. I hope you understand. Now, onto my review:
First of all, there are definitely good points to this story. It shined best when it dealt with friendship. Between Scar, Anna, and Lily, and of course, the Marauders. The friendships all felt genuine and heartfelt and the best parts of this story are when the friends are just talking, not about the ships, but about partying or other aspects of their lives. The OCs are well developed, and given enough shades of variety to Lily's character to provide her with advice.
I also loved when James and Lily were alone in York together. That was an excellent place in which to further their maturity and development, and in all honesty, I think that could have been an excellent stand alone fic. In fact, I'd probably prefer it that way.
Okay now some bad stuff. Switching POV in this story was, in a word, pointless. There are exact phrases literally repeated in this story from POV to POV. It only really served to highlight a general identical same ness to James and Lily in their stubborn nature. Characters should not think the same way. Everyone should be describing the same situation hundreds of different ways. I realize from an artistic standpoint, it's cool to repeat lines so that reader's see how important the concept is, but you really can not do it so bluntly. Even tweaking the phrasing would have been better rather than exact lines being repeated. In my opinion, POV changes should never cover something we've already seen through one character's eyes. Never. Not even if they see it entirely different. Pick the main, most important side of the story and tell that. Otherwise, it wastes time and doesn't further the story.
Also from a writing style perspective, you have no line breaks in this story. There is no indication in the middle of a chapter when you decide to change location. While this is not a large issue, it's a small issue that gets bigger with time. Line breaks can be simple; slashes, ellipses, anything to quickly represent a change without the reader reading a few lines and then having to figure out there was a change. That's distracting.
This story is listed as an M. M is typically graphic violence, strong language and/or sex. I believe this story is, at most, a T. Again, not a huge concern, just, really think about the content you post. Most writers get very antsy about choosing a rating but most stories tend to be quite tame.
Okay, plot and character development. This is huge, fundamental aspects of the story.
The canon timeline is ignored in this story. Probably on purpose, but I don't recall any mention of it being done on purpose. So after the fifth year OWL "Mudblood" incident and Severus' attempt to apologize, Lily totally cuts him off. That completely destroyed her opinion of Severus because it proves his involvement in dark arts separates him from her. Lily proves that she does not give second chance in canon during this scene. The fact that she does in this story is a stepping stone to other character inconsistencies.
Lily and Celia are Mary Sue in my opinion. They're smart and pretty and well liked and tons of people want to be with them and they're very talented and etc. etc. (Simply listing character flaws is not development, this will be addressed shortly). Also, Celia being just like Lily and therefore the reason why James dated her at all seemed odd to me. I think it would have been better if Celia had been a foil to Lily, that is, her opposite. Not saying to make her evil or something, but the statement "She's not Lily" would resonate so much more if there were some slightly more significant differences between the two. Because honestly, by the end of the story, I was thinking Celia was a lot better than Lily.
Okay, following the same train of thought, the pro/con list. All well and good for plot. Not so great for character development. There is literally too much listing in this story. Have you ever heard the adage, "Show don't tell"? If the character development we're mainly getting is through lists other characters are making, we have a slight issue. They say Lily is perfect for James, but you don't show us how they're perfect together. They have their tender moments, but the majority of this story James and Lily spend fighting and hating each other and generally feuding. On that note, the constant last minute plot twists and cliffhanger were vastly irritating to me personally and had me hating James and Lily. Cliffhangers are a FanFiction staple, but I personally think it has the potential to hurt a story and interrupt it's flow. A plot twist or two is good, but when it's how you end every chapter, you're not telling as cohesive a story, it's more of a soap opera. Just endless drama. Which is fine, stories and life are like that. But I'm giving my opinion and to me that seems less satisfying.
I often sign off telling authors to ignore me, and I'll say the same to you: You already seem to have quite the fan base for this story and your others, so feel free to discard everything I say if you're happy with your writing. My suggestions and advice are purely constructive in intent. Thank you for your time, best wishes,
| HelenaThePineappleEater chapter 39 . 9/7/2014
This was wonderful! Can't wait to read more from you :)