|Reviews for Everything|
| ILikeToThinkI'mCool chapter 1 . 1/6/2014
Wow, that was really good! It was like getting a peak inside someone like her, someone that has lost everything and believed to be insane.
Plus, now I know where Barkleys mentor is, definitely a plus. The sad thing is she could've been a great mentor, and that stupid President had to go all physco on her, and yeah...
I cants say update soon as my whole 'signing out' thing I always do,so...
| 567zoock67 chapter 1 . 9/29/2013
Wow, this is brilliant. There are so many good things about this one-shot, I don't know where to start!
Firstly, it's creative and original, and I would've never thought of this story from reading the prompt myself. The character was fresh, and the description awesome. The metaphors, similies and the like were used really well, and really painted a picture of the main character's despair, and what had happened to her after the games.
The names are good, and I really love Seraphina's name. It even sounds dark and twisted. May I ask how you came up with that? It's an interesting name.
| li'l fat necrosis chapter 1 . 9/28/2013
Wait, what? *Reads this over* Well, everyone else's chances to win are screwed. And here I thought my idea was good, but honestly Domi, this was awesome. I really like Oakland, her name expressly. Honestly, good job. I don't think I saw any mistakes, so that's good. Good luck Domi.
| Estoma chapter 1 . 9/21/2013
Thanks for entering the oneshot challenge. Like I said, please just add the link to the correct thread to to follow protocol. Otherwise, like you said, how is the judge to find the entry and know it has been posted?
I'm always a big fan of hearing about victors, however I don't really like stories above the 75th games. But you have pulled it off well and you've done a good job to show just how horrible it is for the victors still. The descriptions of the cell was particularly vivid. Well done.
[she coos as she traces her index finger across my cheek to tuck a strand of my straight black hair behind my ears.] I love this line of description! It makes me shiver.
[I release it with one weak puff of breath and watch as it explodes and spreads like the wildfire that killed my family.] More great description!
There are just several typos, some of which I have pointed out for you below. A good self edit, reading it out loud to yourself would be handy to clear most of them up:
[she exasperates as she faces me.] Bit of an odd use of the word 'exasperates'. It doesn't really fit here, especially since it conveys irritation and it's a little more than that that Oakland is feeling I should think.
[My mother's tanned skin, now pale and streaked with the crimson liquid I had come to known.] Know, not 'known'.
Good job, and good luck in the oneshot challenge.