|Reviews for RosarioSuccubus|
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 10/4/2017
the inventible happened
"Gomen..." A feminine
[The rest of the story is in English. “gomen” translates without semantic loss to “sorry”. Why wouldn’t you use continuous language instead of throwing in something that trips readers up? Even readers fluent in both Japanese and English have to stop so the brain can do what linguists call Code Switching (like shifting dictionaries)]
I'm Nekomimi sensei
[Nekonome was her name, nekomimi means “cat ears”. The title should precede the name, and generally is capitalized with the name. If you’re using it as a suffix, a hyphen does the attaching to the end]
your homeroon teacher
all thoughts of
[All of them? Doubtful. Some? Sure, distracted for a while]
"Hai," The pink
[More Japanese when a perfectly functional English word exists]
A certain blue-haired succubus found herself
[When did she enter the scene? We need some relative placement before you have a character (apparently not part of the scene) act, that smooths the flow]
her generous blossom
[Unless she’s growing flowers, I think you mean ‘bosom’]
No showing your true form to others
[Until after this scene]
as he wraped
ran foward to
who all but ducked
[‘all but’ indicates she makes a similar action but doesn’t do the stated action (or enter the state, as “all but destroyed”). I think you just mean ‘who ducked’]
moment of breif conversation
[1: brief, 2: if it takes from morning to afternoon, they’d have a lot more than a moment to talk]
saying all along~"
[The tilde’s not a proper end punctuation]
struck a cute pose…air cutely
[repetition… though I also don’t have any idea how you lift a pointer ‘cutely’]
with human-made activities through club activities
[As this is a divergence, is nobody going to mention that simulations only go so far before you actually start practicing the interaction?]
turned into monster and ate him
[1: monsters 2: missed opportunity to think of a cooking club. Though the joke would’ve gone the same way. Surrounded by girls who turn into monsters and argue about how to eat him]
walking out of the classroom
[But you just described her as considering joining the same club as him. He never announced a decision, just thought about it. We need spoken dialog to know the characters exchange information]
were flattened slightly against
[pressed, not flattened]
cocked her head slightly as her bubbly
[You overuse adverbs a LOT. Some are fine, but they tend to flag Telling and weak verbs or aren’t needed at all – like ‘slightly’ here]
Really doesn’t go on long enough to define itself as its own distinct story. To a degree I understand it’s not trying to be wildly different, but it would’ve been a fine story without the overuse of adverbs.
| CMPerk chapter 8 . 9/20/2015
Good story alteration. I always thought Kurumu and Tsukune were a better match. The only problem with the story is the amount of time between updates!
| timothy john chapter 1 . 7/22/2015
are you going to make rosario sakubus season 2; plees leev a anser
| anon chapter 5 . 1/18/2015
The ice cold feeling in my heart when I realize Tsukune isn't there to save Moka from being raped by Saizo...ugh...
| MickDunD chapter 8 . 11/29/2014
Not bad...but the chapters could stand to be longer
| Jose19 chapter 7 . 10/12/2014
I want to know why are you not including Moka in the story because she is a key figure in the story, and shouldn't be left stranded.
| Jose19 chapter 2 . 10/12/2014
I hope he gets his act together because during this time he was such a wimp and the biggest problem he will have is how can he survive against monsters especially towards the end of the story because he can't remain a Human and be expected to win against Fairy Tale and the final boss.
| Jose19 chapter 1 . 10/12/2014
I always wanted to see Rosario Vampire told from the eyes of Tsukune falling in love with Kurumu instead of Moka.
| Silvereye-BW chapter 8 . 10/7/2014
Awesome, please continue.
| tsukune aono chapter 1 . 9/2/2014
| CMPerk chapter 6 . 8/21/2014
Good story line nicely written. I liked Kurumu better than Moka in the story and wondered how it would go if Kurumu was the primary female rather than Moka. Please continue the story line.
| maesde chapter 8 . 6/25/2014
Hah, gin doint his thing..
| Sizzin chapter 4 . 6/23/2014
Hmm, it's good. But lacks... development? Details? I don't know, but lacks something important. So it's not appealing to me.
Although, I'm quite curious about how are you going to make Tsukune surpass the challenges to come, like Gin. Or rather, how are he going to survive without the vampire blood? Will he becomes a incubbus? Well, I'll put this on hold for now, sometime in the future I'l give it another chance.
| Sizzin chapter 1 . 6/23/2014
What irritates me about Tsukune is exactly this. The ONLY reason he fallen blindly in love with outer-Moka is because she was the first friendly person he met and, therefore, became his light of hope in that hellish school. But if he had met Kurumu or Mizore first, Tsukune wouldn't have fallen so hard for her.
So let's see how this story develops.
| Guest chapter 7 . 6/22/2014
Please update soon ok and what happened to Moka nothing bad I hope