|Reviews for Shattered Reality|
| TabusVakarian chapter 16 . 5/8
Whoooaaaa... what just happened?
Seriously got chills down my back reading the latter part of this chapter. I am assuming Rinn is being recognized as one of their own due to the process, but what in the blazes is she doing?
Glad to see some more Garrus in this chapter. Garrus makes my heart happy. Even if all the other stuff in this chapter is giving me slight anxiety.
I am really starting to feel worse for Lena.
| TabusVakarian chapter 15 . 5/8
Poor Lena... I can't imagine how she must feel right now. I'd be furious and devastated were I in her shoes.
| TabusVakarian chapter 14 . 5/8
I would pay to see Rinn giddy like that in real life ;)
I love the tenderness and connection between Shepard and Rinn-it's always nice to see a sort of link between creation and creator in terms of specific MC's. I feel bad for Helena though. I know, were I in that boat, I would probably feel towards Shepard the way Helena does if she wasn't my own.
I hope they don't leave Helena behind.
| TabusVakarian chapter 13 . 2/25/2016
So, this Shepard has a thing for Samara? Or am I just reading into that scene?
I'm really loving how well you guys have captured Miranda. I think sometimes when you play through the game it's really easy to overlook her softer side, but you'e doing a great way of telling the whole Miranda, and showing where that harder to get along with side comes from.
Intriguing to see whether they are going to keep having these little slip ups that reveal they are actually in the middle of a video game or not.
| TabusVakarian chapter 12 . 2/25/2016
I apologize for the lack of meat to the reviews I may be posting, but I'm sick so my brain isn't fully functioning.
I always forget Legion can be part of the crew already, as I always get him last.
Great interaction between Tali and Shepard. Tali's side mission is one of my least favourite because her people are kind of asshats about the whole thing.
Really liked the scene between Rinn and Shepard.
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/8/2016
Enjoying this fic but there are a couple of niggling things.
'The good doctor' is an unnecessary phrase.
Characters keep sniffing. Too much.
I understand rinn isn't good with words but sentences trail off a lot and it makes it hard to read.
Rinn is often written as ris?
Helena is often written as Helen. Typo or shortening of the name intentionally?
I understand that the scenarios are stressful for the characters but quite often iv found Helena to be so difficult and argumentative it's almost unbelievable, much like a stroppy teenager.
| loanma chapter 30 . 9/5/2015
I just finished reading this fic. I usually don't like self insert fic but this one is soooo good, can't help but love it.
| SixPerfections chapter 10 . 4/2/2015
Haha well, you finally made me like Helena. Show something to her more than angry rwar and concern for her friend. The hitting on Miranda was really funny. Easily the best part of the chapter. "Helena" made me think of "H.G. Wells" for a moment there. Hope we get many more light hearted moments like that XD
| SixPerfections chapter 6 . 4/2/2015
Helena is an angry, angry little Pokemon. I'm really curious where this is going. You can't have 300k words about the Normandy crew lavishing attention on the mysteries of your OC's. I'm interested. Good writing as usual.
| SixPerfections chapter 5 . 4/2/2015
Well. I suppose I'm a simple soul so I would have preferred to have events written in chronological order. They arrive, confused, fight for their life, then the Normandy arrives. As opposed to seeing everything in flashbacks. I'm not sure it really adds anything to the story. That being said I'm starting to warm up to it more despite what I feel was an odd narrative choice.
I guess that this story will be focused on the experiences of your OC's as opposed to their interactions of the Normandy crew and the world at large (at least it seems that way for now)? Hmm self insert stories are usually more focused on interacting with the canon cast so seeing so much focus paid to experiences that have nothing to do with them has taken a bit getting used to. Still like I said its growing on me. Also I realize there is a LOT of story left so things will likely change considerably.
Hmmm I wonder are these OC's based on you and/or people you know? I guess they are but I could be wrong.
| SixPerfections chapter 4 . 4/2/2015
Just a bit of critique. Rinn and Helena's reaction at the start of this chapter while realistic were also starting to get... tedious I guess. Yes they are scared, yes they are worried about each other, but this point was already made repeatedly. It didn't need to be hammered home over and over again and it just started to come across as weak and whiny instead of realistic and sympathetic... also the entertainment value suffered for it imo.
Then again... this whole chapter was basically a recap of trauma suffered. Not sure how I feel about this story so far, it seems to be headed in a direction I didn't expect. TBH (and this is just one person's opinion) you haven't made me care enough about your OC's to make me want to read long chapters about their traumatic experiences. Also it also kinda ruins the suspense when you know how its going to end. Your writing is good i'm just not sure how well the approach is working up to this point.
I dont mean to sound overly critical. The quality is very good. There were just some issues that stood out for me.
| SixPerfections chapter 3 . 4/2/2015
Interesting change from the usual in that most fics like this don't start so late into the game. They already have the Reaper IFF and are getting ready to fly into the Omega 4 relay. That is like 2/3 of the way into the game if I remember. Hmmm methinks out intrepid travelers may want to get off before the collectors kidnap the Normandy crew. That... would be bad.
| SixPerfections chapter 2 . 4/2/2015
Hehe, a minor thing but I was the same way. I custom designed a face for my Femshep in ME2 and then after playing through with her I couldn't ever play the games again as anyone else. It had to be MY shep as she was only One True Shep that I would accept. I thought it was kinda funny that Helen had something similar XD.. I'm guessing the author did too?
Hmmm... this is good though I kind of want to slap Rinn. Ugh. The thing at the end with freaking out over blood and making their lives just that much more complicated? Geez. I mean I understand phobias but by gosh woman, close your damn eyes before you have a panic attack. NOT the time for it.
Heh. I guess its a good sign if you can get your readers passionate about something even if they are just feeling vexed. Loved the whole 'aperture labs' thing btw. That was a nice touch, especially Mordin asking to learn the song :) very funny.
| SixPerfections chapter 1 . 4/2/2015
I dont remember and indoctrinated shep option or bad end from the games... haha well that is an interesting start. It's hard to have a more "we're all screwed and are going to die" beginning than a Shep who is playing for the reapers. Wow. Not sure where this is going now. Definatelly piqued my interesantes
| Tabitha chapter 11 . 2/19/2015
(sorry for not logging in to review, I finished the chapter just as I'm having to run out the door for an event)
That's a rather frightening though that the nanocytes could do that, and that Miranda and Doctor Chakwas are missing it.
Also, I kind of liked the whole fight between Lena and Ris in the abandoned facility. I feel like the argument might have been fairly similar between me and friends if we were in that situation, only I doubt I would have used so few F-bombs. (says the girl who can't even write it in a review).