|Reviews for Shattered Reality|
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/8
Enjoying this fic but there are a couple of niggling things.
'The good doctor' is an unnecessary phrase.
Characters keep sniffing. Too much.
I understand rinn isn't good with words but sentences trail off a lot and it makes it hard to read.
Rinn is often written as ris?
Helena is often written as Helen. Typo or shortening of the name intentionally?
I understand that the scenarios are stressful for the characters but quite often iv found Helena to be so difficult and argumentative it's almost unbelievable, much like a stroppy teenager.
| loanma chapter 30 . 9/5/2015
I just finished reading this fic. I usually don't like self insert fic but this one is soooo good, can't help but love it.
| SixPerfections chapter 10 . 4/2/2015
Haha well, you finally made me like Helena. Show something to her more than angry rwar and concern for her friend. The hitting on Miranda was really funny. Easily the best part of the chapter. "Helena" made me think of "H.G. Wells" for a moment there. Hope we get many more light hearted moments like that XD
| SixPerfections chapter 6 . 4/2/2015
Helena is an angry, angry little Pokemon. I'm really curious where this is going. You can't have 300k words about the Normandy crew lavishing attention on the mysteries of your OC's. I'm interested. Good writing as usual.
| SixPerfections chapter 5 . 4/2/2015
Well. I suppose I'm a simple soul so I would have preferred to have events written in chronological order. They arrive, confused, fight for their life, then the Normandy arrives. As opposed to seeing everything in flashbacks. I'm not sure it really adds anything to the story. That being said I'm starting to warm up to it more despite what I feel was an odd narrative choice.
I guess that this story will be focused on the experiences of your OC's as opposed to their interactions of the Normandy crew and the world at large (at least it seems that way for now)? Hmm self insert stories are usually more focused on interacting with the canon cast so seeing so much focus paid to experiences that have nothing to do with them has taken a bit getting used to. Still like I said its growing on me. Also I realize there is a LOT of story left so things will likely change considerably.
Hmmm I wonder are these OC's based on you and/or people you know? I guess they are but I could be wrong.
| SixPerfections chapter 4 . 4/2/2015
Just a bit of critique. Rinn and Helena's reaction at the start of this chapter while realistic were also starting to get... tedious I guess. Yes they are scared, yes they are worried about each other, but this point was already made repeatedly. It didn't need to be hammered home over and over again and it just started to come across as weak and whiny instead of realistic and sympathetic... also the entertainment value suffered for it imo.
Then again... this whole chapter was basically a recap of trauma suffered. Not sure how I feel about this story so far, it seems to be headed in a direction I didn't expect. TBH (and this is just one person's opinion) you haven't made me care enough about your OC's to make me want to read long chapters about their traumatic experiences. Also it also kinda ruins the suspense when you know how its going to end. Your writing is good i'm just not sure how well the approach is working up to this point.
I dont mean to sound overly critical. The quality is very good. There were just some issues that stood out for me.
| SixPerfections chapter 3 . 4/2/2015
Interesting change from the usual in that most fics like this don't start so late into the game. They already have the Reaper IFF and are getting ready to fly into the Omega 4 relay. That is like 2/3 of the way into the game if I remember. Hmmm methinks out intrepid travelers may want to get off before the collectors kidnap the Normandy crew. That... would be bad.
| SixPerfections chapter 2 . 4/2/2015
Hehe, a minor thing but I was the same way. I custom designed a face for my Femshep in ME2 and then after playing through with her I couldn't ever play the games again as anyone else. It had to be MY shep as she was only One True Shep that I would accept. I thought it was kinda funny that Helen had something similar XD.. I'm guessing the author did too?
Hmmm... this is good though I kind of want to slap Rinn. Ugh. The thing at the end with freaking out over blood and making their lives just that much more complicated? Geez. I mean I understand phobias but by gosh woman, close your damn eyes before you have a panic attack. NOT the time for it.
Heh. I guess its a good sign if you can get your readers passionate about something even if they are just feeling vexed. Loved the whole 'aperture labs' thing btw. That was a nice touch, especially Mordin asking to learn the song :) very funny.
| SixPerfections chapter 1 . 4/2/2015
I dont remember and indoctrinated shep option or bad end from the games... haha well that is an interesting start. It's hard to have a more "we're all screwed and are going to die" beginning than a Shep who is playing for the reapers. Wow. Not sure where this is going now. Definatelly piqued my interesantes
| Tabitha chapter 11 . 2/19/2015
(sorry for not logging in to review, I finished the chapter just as I'm having to run out the door for an event)
That's a rather frightening though that the nanocytes could do that, and that Miranda and Doctor Chakwas are missing it.
Also, I kind of liked the whole fight between Lena and Ris in the abandoned facility. I feel like the argument might have been fairly similar between me and friends if we were in that situation, only I doubt I would have used so few F-bombs. (says the girl who can't even write it in a review).
| PersonJe chapter 30 . 2/16/2015
I came upon this fic via Huntington's Bride, and was reserving my judgement at the beginning. I'm not the biggest fan of flashbacks, but you made it work. I also found an indoctrinated Shepard daunting and not at all enjoyable, but you made it work. And while I admit to becoming a restless ball of nerves and dread at some parts, I couldn't stop to review much less but it down. Very interesting and well-written. Have to admit that Miranda and Helena are the ones I look forward to the most :P
| theycallmepeter chapter 7 . 7/29/2014
Really enjoying this self-insert; I liked how you realistically portrayed your self-inserts when faced with the actual horrors that lurk in Mass Effect. I'm pretty sure that the average fan-fic writer wouldn't survive a husk invasion without long term psychological scarring or understand how quickly the Normandy crew can pick up on the physical cues and possibly origins of their literary counter-parts.
| Galisaa chapter 17 . 7/13/2014
I've really enjoyed this so far. At first it was because for every question I thought up such as how did they get into the universe there was an equally important distraction that gave even more mind boggling questions. The distractions made me continue, edging on my curiosity anew for every questionable action each character or line of dialog beget.
I feel that I feel the main Helena. As much as I want to understand I know I do not. Times in life where, "I never have." have been uttered resonate with me. Confusion and helplessness, a past both worth forgetting and keeping alive.
I, for some odd reason that escapes me, I feel close to this person. Regardless of fiction or possibility of being a result creative tinkering on a real mind. How much is truly reflection on this reality of pain?
My mind tells me it is 'weird' and socially incorrect to feel this strongly about an someone I do not know. And of course I recognize idolization and have internally shaped my perception of the character to fit my frame of mind. It is not love but it is the strongest emotion I've felt in a while.
Deary me, it is time to move on. In five, nay about 12 minutes from now I will have moved on. A type of escapism to forget what feels. Ten more and it will be as if I never read the chapters up until now. (ps: have not finished story, no spoil, fyi.)
Back after some time. Now that all of the above has been written I am rebalanced. I say I do not want a response to any of these letters I send out. Twas written with the thought of writing to another and thus it has been sent.
Thank you. Thank you very much for the work. I wish you well.
| Kwtwix chapter 30 . 7/5/2014
You two are definitely worth the wait. There seriously isn't enough space in this review box for me to express how uniquely awesome and enjoyable it was to read this. Being able to connect with the characters made this SI so realistic if that makes sense. I look forward to the next awesome adventure.
| Guest chapter 30 . 5/26/2014
I LOVE you guys work! Just wondering how you submit the art work for the cover to you guys.