|Reviews for These Walls|
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/28/2013
Nice. I sense a potential story there somewhere. Thanks for sharing
| Captain Cranium chapter 1 . 9/29/2013
IDK what this is. You say it's straight from your brain, but a story isn't a thoughtdump. You should massage it into something workable. Tell a story like your readers might want to read it.
Not to discourage you or anything (better to write fics than to keep them in), but do try and put in some more effort. I'd like to see you come up with something fantastic, and I think you're more than able to do it.
| alienware12345 chapter 1 . 9/28/2013
You say its a Harry/Daphne story, but it could just as easily be any other pairing. You include very little descriptive text. I know some authors out there have the ability to play with what information they give and what they hide and let the reader figure out, but you on the other hand include absolutely no information at all! This story could be so much better if you include a little back story, some dialogue (this is optional), and some descriptions.
And brush up a little on your tenses (some of your sentences seem a little awkward to me). Make sure you separate text into appropriate paragraphs.
P.S: There is nothing wrong as such with the plot though. It's quite interesting.