|Reviews for Small World|
| Ms. Potato Girl chapter 1 . 1/2/2014
I see what you did there! Judging by the first chapter, I think this fanfic would turn out great!
/secretly nudges your shoulder
I don't suppose you can turn this into a KagamixYelena fic, can't you? That blockhead needs more lurve! Kuroko and the other GoM's have enough fangirls. And I think that plot would be great! Devious, but Great! Keep up the good work!
| Unknown writer chapter 1 . 12/20/2013
WHAT?! Your friend told you it was a crime to ship an OC with a cannon character?! Obviously he or she never read a good fanfic with OCs before!
Sorry, I had to response to your note in the beginning. XD Yes, go and write this! Write OCs!
I actually hadn't read your first chapter, because it's hard for me to get into reading. I'll give it some thought. If I like it, I'll reveal my true identity for I am also an 'writer' on fanfiction too (with a busy life).
| BlazeMary chapter 3 . 12/14/2013
It'd be awesome if this will be KagamiXYelena , Taiga needs more love
Anyway I like the fanfic , good job and keep going!
About the newcomer hmmm...is it Himuro?Aomine? come on! you left me in a cliffhanger! No fair! T.T
| Monkey D. Writer chapter 3 . 12/14/2013
Uuh, Aomine? Idk, he's my favorite character and I think his voice is (hawt :3) deep and husky. I don't really watch the anime
| BlazeMary chapter 2 . 11/1/2013
My mind it's spinning 'cos I didn't understand some things like where is she ,what middle school or high school , did she study there , for what period of time , it's just at the begging she said that she is coming to Japan but she been there or something like that , I'm really confused here but oh well ... Ah! and one more thing who's the "bluenette" ?
| Rasielis chapter 2 . 10/16/2013
*My uncled- delete unnecessary d.
* About the sudden chara thought wherein she suddenly realized that she was being selfish. How it came out didn't sound that natural but it's fine. Just find a way where we could really feel that disappointment or that want to stay selfish.
*There are some unnecessary words but all along the transition is fine here and I hope Yelena meets Kuroko soon.
| Rasielis chapter 1 . 10/16/2013
*Composition always comes first. From here, you cut sentences intentionally like this.
Let me be
come your friend
*The reader might read and interpret it in mistake because it's in a text message format which is not advisable. Not all stories arranged in the middle can actually help the readers get their comfort in reading.
*Transition unusual: Let me POINT this out for three steps:
-First, you introduced Yelena to a school and from here, I thought that she's only going to tour around. BUT, that's not what happened. She got lost, found herself on a pool, planned swimming, and lastly scolded by a teacher. The transition here is not that natural since she didn't clarify where she was going exactly.
-Second, AFTER this abnormalities, she suddenly met her homeroom teacher and got herself introduced to class.
- From there, I was already lost since you merged to incompatible scenes together without actually guiding the reader to your main point. Keep a one track way to your story. Cut if it's appropriate. Like the scenes that I mentioned above, you can separate her tour to the time where she finally went to school the day after. Place a bar after every end that you need to cut. AND more importantly, never LOSE track.
*Dialogue: It's important to not mix dialogues when you don't have any additional things to it. It is way too important to give it its own space like on this part.
"She's cute." "Her hair is beautiful." "Wow!"
Separate all these to these.
"Her hair is beautiful."
All in all, Yelena's funny and awkward but I like her character so it's a nice start except for the excuse me for the word- 'lousy' structure.