|Reviews for Pokemon: The Dark Chronicles|
| TheReviewer73 chapter 42 . 4/4
Good chapter but hope the next one comes out soon. It cracks me up every time Dexter is called "Pinky", as he is a serious, no-nonsense and intelligent kind of Pokemon. Also, whenever the Pokemon are talking and refer to themselves as people or use common "human" expressions it changed to be for Pokemon. In response to the question, I sympathize with Dawn as she probably made the decision that seemed right to her with her betrayal and with the decision of Darkrai, who would pass up an opportunity to gain limitless power. Right? I do however like her more because the decisions Dawn made are decisions many people struggle with today. Betray your friends for power and money? Pass up the opportunity to gain power and a sense of importance?
| 1Noir chapter 42 . 2/20
Alrighty, I got two chapters to review this time around. I would have reviewed last chap, but you updated a little b4 I finished reading lol. Small tip, I know your updates are usually a month or more apart, but when you do have an update directly after a previous one, give it a week or two. Doing this will give people more time to finish the prev chapter, cuz someone like me reads the chapters at random with no pattern. Just a small tip, it might increase reviews a bit, or it'll at least lessen the blow of time between lengthy update times. Of course you do what you want.
Now onto my actual review. Guess I'll go in the order of events as usual. It's been a while since you updated before chapter 40. None the less, the chapter was good. So chapter 41 seemed to be a lot of just seeing what everyone is up to, not that that's bad.
I'll start with Dex since his POV was interesting to me, and before that nothing critically important happened. So we got some lady who refers to Dexter as my song... Obviously having to do with his real name Requiem, heh I see what you did there. I can promise one thing though... if Selena ever calls Dexter that in front of Night or Pyro, he can expect a good teasing and probably an unwanted nickname XD. I can just see it so perfectly, if that ever happens. Anyhoo, it's interesting seeing this motherly figure coming out of nowhere and helping Dexter. I'm curious to who she is. It's good that this Selena healed Dexter. He's pretty lucky.
Next thing of interest was Ruby and Ion. Now did I miss something or is this the first time you've brought up that Ion bullied Ruby? Not that it bothers me, it just surprised me is all. We all know Ruby was bullied, but I didn't expect it by Ion... I always took him as a nice guy. Heh, funny. I can see why Ruby is so tense with him, I wouldn't want to be stuck with someone who treated me like crap during my childhood. I've been in that situation before, and it sucks, so I can relate to Ruby there. Not a fun time :/ Anyhoo, skipping to the second half of their part in this chapter, they were miraculously saved by a strange pokemon named Giovanni. Lucky them.
Next up is Spark and Razor. Not a lot happened between them two that I can remember, besides the interesting topic Razor brought up "Why are we risking our lives for Night?" That's a very interesting topic that was brought up, and I'm glad you touched on it. Anyhoo, at the end they were miraculously saved by a strange pokemon named Giovanni. Lucky them. (Someone's trainer wasn't that creative).
Now I'm going to point out one thing in this chapter that isn't a big deal, but should be thought more carefully of in the future. Every single group was saved in some way. Dexter was saved by Selena who conveniently showed up, Ruby/Ion were saved by that pokemon, and Raze/Spark were saved by another strange pokemon. Now, it wouldn't have turned my head if it wasn't for the fact that two of those scenes were nearly the same when it came to the rescue. Both Ion/Ruby and Spark/Razor were struggling in their battles before saved by a similar pokemon (I won't criticize the same names, since their is probably a reason to that). At the end they both ask for this pokemon's name since they want to know who saved them, both strange pokemon reply with the same name before running off just as fast as they came, then leaving both groups stating that they were lucky. It's not a huge deal, but should be watched out for in the future. To avoid this, just simply try and change up the scene a bit. Dexter's scene was fine, other than just getting extremely lucky, which with the three coincidences combined and similar scenes it just caught my attention. Heh sorry, kinda dragged that bit out.
Anyhoo, chapter 41 was pretty good. Despite that one complain, everything looked great. Now onto chapter 42, the more interesting of the two.
Despite brushing up on everything, including a new character, I feel this chapter mostly focused on Dawn. So, I'll start by covering all of Dawn's POV's at once. Her character is changing, even he's becoming aware of it. It's kind of scary in a way, she was pretty innocent, and despite having past mistakes, I never took Dawn as a bad person. She was nice and wanted to avoid unnecessary conflict. To answer the question of the chapter, I like what you're doing with Dawn. By doing all of this you're destroying any chances of me getting bored of her, and I can't wait to find out what happens to her. She's pretty powerful now, and has some "cat-like" reflexes with her new powers ;) pu dum tis... Eh heh, I had to squeeze in a not so funny pun... Well, I'm excited to see how the battle goes down. Funny thing happened though, before Dawn and Sapphire fought, the perfect song turned up on my music play list, meegalovania, from Undertale XD. I don't know why, but that song starting at the perfect time made that fight seem like it was going to be epic, which so it's pretty good.
You introduced us to a new character which is cool. I don't have a lot to say on him other than he seems interesting. Kinda sucks that his sister disowned him :/
Lastly we got Steel's POV. This part was good, even if a bit odd that he had Night locked up just for the fight and then he gets out when convenient. Or maybe the lock got damaged in the fight, I could see that and maybe I missed it lol. But the fight between Athena and Steel was awesome, it was written pretty well. And next up we get to see Night/Pyro vs Steel, which I'm guessing will be like in the old version of your story, which was one of my fav battles.
Well, I don't have a lot to say past that. This was a longer review than I expected... Things are getting pretty interesting in your story, and I'm excited to see what follows. You've done a lot with the Asylum to one up your old version, and we have yet to still see the ending, which is always the best part. Well, best of luck till next chapter!
| Ray.Knight97 chapter 42 . 2/16
So a lot happened in this one. Multiple battles taking place. I think I liked the one involving Athena vs Steel just as much as I liked Dawn vs Sapphire. I didnt expect her to be an ex-Rocket. But I doubt he will be able to handle Pyro and Night, not after that injury.
I personally liked Dawn's helpless and soft persona since it fits her broken relationship with the Vulpix (forgot her name), but I am enjoying her transformation even more. She seems like a naive victim who is on the path to self-destruct, which is always interesting to watch unfold. I look forward to the next chapter. Good luck!
| Ray.Knight97 chapter 41 . 2/7
Interesting chapter. Everyone is split up on their own path now and dealing their own issues. Team Rocket seems to be raiding the Asylum, but its quite mysterious how these two pokemon just appeared and told the group to call them Giovanni. I couldn't even guess what type of pokemon they were from the description, but I'm sure their identities will show later on.
Some nightlights: we got to go more detail of the bad blood between Ruby and Ion. I don't blame Ruby. If I was paired up with a childhood bully that made my life miserable all the time, I'd be sour as well. Also, we now know more about Requiem/Dexter's past as well. But a huge one was the sudden POV of this character Scarlet. I wonder what her purpose, or role, she will take on in this story?
As chaotic as things are, it will be fun to see how things come together in the next two chapters. I can only imagine how pissed the trainers will be after they get back from their little adventure heh. Anyways, good job with this chapter and good luck with the next.
| Ray.Knight97 chapter 40 . 1/28
Sorry it took me so long, but it appears that I've finally reached the end of the updates. Just as I said before, I do believe that this is a nice story with some real element to it. The most interesting thing has been seeing how you continue to develop your characters as the story progresses. Your characters are showing more of their true colors through their actions and thoughts. I also really like how you are not sticking with the traditional stereotypical portrayal of the organizations so far. Normally Team Rocket members are showed to be plain cruel and merciless, but you have exposed some vulnerable, caring traits from the Rockets, like how Crystal and Ace care so much for their trainers. Also its interesting how the resistance, originally being portrayed as noble and vituous, have done some harsh things for the sake of justice. The flip adds new perspective.
And you are definitely keeping things interesting with the characters' connections and involvements with the legendaries. I look forward to reading about this more.
Good to know that you have gotten a beta reader. That should cut down on the lingering errors. My only other advice would be to watch for repetition. It has sneaked its way a few tikes into some of your characters, when they act or sound out of character or like someone else. But this doesn't seem to be a major problem.
Again, I really like this story and am happy to be reading it. Take as much time as you need between updates and good luck with it. Keep up the good work!
| Ray.Knight97 chapter 1 . 1/1
I just started reading this from the first chapter today. I wish I had found it earlier considering that the story is of pretty decent size. Is is still being updated? So far, from what I have read, I can infer that this story is going to be funny. The first chapter sets the tone for some humor. This umbreon seems to be on a massive ego trip, which should always keep things interesting. I did not find many mistakes worth criticizing here either (one or two grammar errors; nothing big).
I'll leave another review once I've read the rest up until the final update, but I can already tell I'll enjoy this. Good job so far!
| 1Noir chapter 40 . 10/17/2015
Well its been a good month or two. To be honest I nearly forgot what happened in the previous chapter, but after reading for a few minutes it all came back to me mostly. Despite the longer wait, I really thought this chapter was entertaining, it left little to no room to be bored, which is great. Also awesome timing on your update, I was pretty bored today and this is just what I needed :)
The break in was pretty clever, and I can't help but feel that it was similar to the original? Ehh, I can't remember honestly. I'm glad to see that everyone managed to make it in safely. What I didn't expect what that the first injury would be done by an exploding water pipe... It happens to the best of us I guess *Shrugs*. And poor Dex, it'd suck to get a wound cauterized. I would have thought he'd go into shock or something from all that physical trauma. You did pretty good there.
We also get to see that the tranquill (I forget her name T_T) is still alive. For her sake though I hope Ace has the same blood type XD. I was a bit shocked that no one ever even considered that possibility, but all in all it doesn't really matter. I really hope she's alright in the end.
Not a lot happened in Night's POV, other than the reveal that Azelf asked politely for them to let Night go... I don't recall this happening so it was kinda a surprise. And lastly we get to see Dawn's perspective. It seems Dawn's anxious to try out her new powers, which again makes me worry for her. I feel that these powers will have a negative effect. And Void is contacting her still. I'm curious to what she meant by Dawn being like a sister to her. Hmmm, I've got my theories, but I keep forgetting them lol.
All in all this chapter was awesome. I really don't have any complaints or criticisms on this one. Everything was entertaining and kept me reading, and this escape is just getting started. You've got me excited for the next chapter, keep up the good work!
| 1Noir chapter 39 . 8/31/2015
Interesting chapter, not quite as exciting as last, but I think things will be getting intense soon with Dexter's plan going into play... Which also happens to be before Night and Pyro get released. Huh, either they're going to help out a lot with Dawn, or make things much worse than before since they were about to get released. I'll be looking forward to that part, I hope you'll add the Steel vs Night/Dawn/Pyro again, I remember that being one of my favorite battles in the old version. I can see how it could be left out in this version though, but we'll see I guess.
Also the help of genericgamer207 is noticeable. Before I noticed frequent typos that got passed up, but this time around I only spotted one or maybe two. Glad he's nice enough to help you _
Next we have Claire's POV... I have to say, Claire is quite arrogant. While I understand the importance of saving Ace, I don't get how in the Hell she planned to take down the entire Resistance on her own. And shame on the Resistance as well for being so easy to infiltrate, I mean isn't this like Claire's third time? And I'm sure it won't be the last time they're invaded like that either. The end of Claire's POV is what surprised me. I anticipated that Talia would be shot down, I just didn't expect her to be taken down by a throwing knife... Kudos to whomever threw it, but poor Talia. This also gave us a good chance to see more of Claire's soft side, and we get to see that Claire isn't unbeatable. Good job on that part.
Next we see Steel's POV, not really anything to important there, other than us seeing that Dawn is getting a bit cocky. I fear for Dawn honestly, I feel like her wanting this power is going to lead her to her downfall. But that's just a guess, but I'd put money on it.
Also, I don't know why, but when Steel was saying something I just thought of him saying this "Those tremors you felt earlier, she was going super Saiyan." Don't ask why, but I just immediately thought of that when I read that line XD.
What do I think of Claire? I think Claire is a good person, she just puts on a tough girl act 95% of the time. Her character is very enjoyable.
Well that's all I have to say for this chapter. really entertaining chapter, and it leaves me wondering how the next chapter will play out. Great job on this chapter Heck, keep up the awesome work. good job to you as well Genericgamer207.
| 1Noir chapter 38 . 8/10/2015
I'll have to write this review on my phone, since I won't be near my computer for a while. So my apologies if it's a little more sloppy than usual.
I'll start by answering your question, since Void really interests me. I have a few guesses, but it's hard to support them when you mix Dawn and Ruby in the equation. So, I was thinking, at one point you mentioned Darkrai had another that was like Dawn. Well, it'd possible that Void is what's left of that pokemon, maybe she went to far into the dark and that's what's left of her, a shadow that serves darkrai and is possibly linked to him. Although, when Void calls Ruby a theif and then starts saying the stuff she did, it makes me think that Void was supposed to have a different like than what she got, maybe a birthright or maybe she has something to do with the pokemon that were screwed over by Dawn. That's all I got on that, i'll be sure to share my thoughts as more info is revealed. All in all, Void seems interesting.
Now onto some other things, which involve Void. I'm expecting this character to be important in dome way, i mean she did get the opening lines in this story. What surprised me this chapter is Void's personality. It's very fickle. One moment she is a ball of anger, then she's rather depressed and defensive. Night also seemed to hit her soft spot. I was expecting Void to be a lot more different, but she seems more like a victim of something sad and she's very insecure about it (like when Night tried to learn about her). Good job with her though.
The rest of the chapter was just as interesting. We got to see Ruby face Void again, which Void then choses to say something nice for Night. Then later we see Ace's POV. I think you're on a better route on what you did with the trainers vs the old version (weren't they like burned or something?) i felt a bit worried for Ace, but I think Claire will bail him out. If not God help him. I at least hope Crystal will make it through this.
Anyways, typing this on my phone is tiring out my thimbs lol, so i'ma end my review here. Good job on everything, including the fast update speed, this chapter was very good!
| StarlitUmbreon chapter 38 . 8/10/2015
Wow this story is really getting good. You keep me on my toes with some of the suspense. I love it. It's not often that I find a story like this that doesn't have to do with a trainer's story of their journey, or a mystery dungeon type thing. It's a new concept to me to do a story from the point of view from the Pokemon of the trainer on the journey. It's interesting. Also, White was somewhat of an interesting reveal when you announced he was a Mawile. I'm still really curious about the shiny Umbreon master though, being the Umbreon lover I am. That being said though, Night is not my favorite character. He is too cocky and confident to me, even if it is a show. No, actually Dexter is my favorite character. His attitude at the moment towards other Pokemon is kind. He wants to help get Night and the other Pokemon back, even if it is for different reasons other than him being a teammate. He seems to not know a lot of love or forgiveness in his life, considering he was surprised both times when someone forgave him and was still his friend when instead, they could have alienated him. Also, his blue eyes are very peculiar for an Espeon. It makes me wonder who his family was. But I imagine that actually seeing Dexter and his blue eyes would make me love him immediately. Also, the mention of Crystal and Dexter together is a big ship for me. They would be cute together.
Another thing, you mentioned that you wanted a beta reader? I wouldn't mind helping if you wanted. I understand if someone got to you before I did. Oh well. I still love the story though! Can't wait for the next chapter!
| survive9 chapter 38 . 8/7/2015
Keep these updates coming! The story's plot is very good, and use of words and punctuation is great too. I think that Void is possibly a past underling of Darkrai that has died or was reincarnated into a spirit of some sort.
| 1Noir chapter 37 . 8/4/2015
Oh boy, you updated much faster than usual, but to make everything better, it's a great chapter that left me excited for the next one (More than usual).
Heh, this does feel like a longer chapter than usual, and I liked it like that, you covered a lot of interesting material. I'm glad to see that things are about to get heated in this story. Of course the day Night gets out is the Day Dex is going to make his move :/
I wasn't sure about Claire's scene when I saw the POV, I was worried it'd be boring, but it wasn't. Actually, I found it interesting. While it doesn't really add a lot to the Asylum stuff, it provided a few pieces of info I found interesting, one of the big ones would be that Claire wants Ace to join her team. That one actually surprised me. And Tailia was an interesting character. While I doubt she's to important to the story, her character was established pretty fast. Pff, wish I could get paid five times my salary just to tag along with someone in a club. Also, I got a good laugh when Zain busted Claire. It created a very awkward moment, it's just to bad Ace didn't get saved :/
I think most of the interesting content of this chapter was in Night's POV. You surprised me with White's reveal. Not only did I not expect you to reveal him so quickly, I didn't expect his species either. Still, I don't recall many Mawile in stories, so I don't mind. When White brings Night to Dawn was when the chapter started getting really good. Seems Dawn may have gotten a bit too much power from Darkrai...
Who is my favorite character? Jeez that's a toughie... Honestly, I like the majority of all your characters, there are those I love, then those I like. I don't really dislike any of your characters, so that's a good thing... To be honest I'ma just go with Night. Usually I like to know more backstory before making these choices, but for now I think I like him the most (bonus points cus he's a umbreon XD). My next two favorites are probably Fern (She seems interesting (More bonus points for being a eeveelution)). And my last would prob be Pyro, or maybe Dawn, them two are tied. Well, hopefully that info helps you in some way. Great chapter, keep up the hard work.
| StarlitUmbreon chapter 36 . 7/30/2015
Interesting story so far. I just found this and it seems pretty fascinating. I'm curious about this White character, as well as the master shiny Umbreon. I'll make sure to keep up to date on this one. Update soon.
| 1Noir chapter 36 . 7/29/2015
Hmmm, interesting chapter. I liked this one, so good job. Ace's POV was pretty good, I liked the talk he had with Blake (I think that was the buizel). I think Blake is telling the truth and he really doesn't know, so something is up with Zain, this isn't adding up. I'm surprised Ace went to sleep so easily as well, I have enough trouble sleeping in my bed at night, no way I'd fall asleep ties up to a chair in my enemies base... Also, when the machoke and scyther walked in, I thought they were going to get even with Ace.
Also, I kinda noticed a contradiction that made my head turn. Ace mentions how the idea of his trainer leaving and really hating them lingered in his head. Yet, in that exact paragraph at the beginning he say's he knows his trainer cared for him like family... Not trying to be nitpicky, but those two things don't flow well together. Maybe try building more towards why he'd think that, instead of him just doing a 90 degree turn in his view of his trainer. Other then that I don't see any major problems in this chapter.
And damn... would you look at Dawn, she's getting fresh with Darkrai! It's interesting how her personality is changing, it makes me wonder if Darkrai is doing it or not, despite him saying otherwise. Also, some info in Aqua's POV interested me. The mention of Night looking for his brother is interesting. It makes me wonder what kind of person his brother was, and why Night would want to find him. We also got some more info on White, who seems to be a shiny umbreon. So their are six, and we know Napoleon, Pyro, Claire, and I think Fern is one as well. I'd even consider including Zain, but I don't have much to back that one up with other than him having a background with fern.
And lastly we get to see Napoleon. I'll admit, you caught me off guard with his species, even though you told me you were switching his species, a braixen kinda caught me by surprise, but not in a bad way. I'm sure I've said this before, but I was never a fan of his character and Scarlet in the original Dark Chronicles :/ So hopefully you'll convince me to think differently in this version. I think you'll do fine, I mean you've done great to this point.
Anyways, this was a good chapter over all, it kept me interested and brought up some questions I'm curious to see answered. Well, keep up the good work and good luck _
| 1Noir chapter 35 . 7/19/2015
I ended up reading this chapter a few days after it came out, but didn't have time to review, from there I just kept forgetting, but I'm here now. I have to say though, you wrote quite a interesting chapter, this one came out pretty well.
So things start off with Cresselia, sapphire and Dawn. I find it surprising that sapphire has anything to do with the Legendaries, but I'm interested to see where you'll take that. Cresselia seems like a decent person, personality wise. Even though her and Darkrai aren't on good terms, she still didn't hold that against Dawn since she's of Darkrai. And with Dawn being changed without knowing is pretty interesting, not gonna lie, you got me excited to see where this is going. Heh, you also got a decent laugh out of me when Cresselia was like "Those are nouns" when Dawn mentioned her friends. Even though it should have been obvious to her, it can be forgiven since I got a small laugh out of it :)
As for the interrogation for Night and Pyro? Well, it brought up some concerns for me actually. I'm not 100% sure on the importance of this White character, so I'll let you show us that later, but it seems that Night and Pyro were captured over something very minor. I can maybe understand Pyro, but the only thing Night was asked was how well he knew Fern... Seems like something they could have easily found out with some simple observations, or maybe just asked the guy before kidnapping him and stuff (I'm assuming there is something big with her that'll make sense of that). Also, I feel like Pyro may have done some mercenary work for all those teams lol, although I could be wrong on that, although I don't know how any of that was important to ask. Anyways, I look forward to seeing the importance of these questions, my only concern is that they may have gone to a unnecessary extreme to get answers that aren't that important. I hope that makes sense.
Anyways, those were the two parts I found important, overall this was a good read and written pretty well. Good luck on your next chapter, I'm excited to see where you take things from here :)