|Reviews for No Golden Trio|
| xThe Painted Lady chapter 1 . 11/27/2013
An interesting idea. I feel you could've executed it much better, though. First of all, much of the dialogue exchanged between the characters and themselves seemed very... stilted. It appears you attempted to explain many things through characters thoughts rather than through description and action. I suggest, for future reference, perhaps trying to evoke emotion through the writing and /show/ us Draco's inner conflict when it came to deciding whether or not to save Hermione. That would've made his actions stand out a little more, and considering Draco doesn't really appear to be the kind of character to go out of their way to save someone they hardly know, it would've made his actions more believable, and they would've "stood out" a bit more. Ron and Harry, quite frankly, were pushed to the side and were erased from the plot too easily. I think it would've made the story more engaging and "action packed" if Draco ran into them near the girls' bathroom, and conflict ensued.
Overall, it's an interesting idea. But more could've been done, and it would have been better. The characters' actions seemed to come about too easily and it made everything a little unbelievable. Research on the subject of writing action scenes and conflict would help, though, I'm sure. I did it enjoy it, for the most part, however. Nice job.
| Naomi S. Goldson chapter 1 . 11/23/2013
This is an interesting idea. I've read a few Dramione stories and read descriptions of countless others, but I don't think any have seen one that begins with this. Draco's motivation wasn't entirely clear; for a character so wholly against muggleborns and with such obviously negative feelings toward said bushy haired witch, it is a little odd to just run to the rescue. But really, that wasn't a huge distraction. I liked the premise and the writif style a lot. Ron not wanting to help made me sad... And I felt bad for Harry since he obviously wanted to do something but didn't because of Ron. Overall, good story. :)
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 1 . 11/22/2013
This is an interesting twist in events, particularly since there's been a chance for both first year Gryffindors and Slytherins to get into the biasness of house rivalry, and yet Draco acting here could hopefully mean his path towards becoming a Death Eater can be diverted far earlier.
And he called her by her first name. Aww. And the hug! This is so adorable! It reminds me of the Xros Manga - setting up future shipping opportunities. And Hermione, who doesn't seem concerned about house rivalry like Ron in particular - this looks indeed like it's heading to derail destiny's plans. :D Nicely written, albeit a bit telling in the end - since it wouldn't /necessarily/ have shattered it; something else disastrous could have happened after all.
I wonder, with how she ignored Harry, if she was hoping /he/ would come and save her. Hmm...
| autumn midnights chapter 1 . 11/13/2013
The idea of Harry and Ron not saving Hermione from the troll is really interesting, actually, because it would impact the events of so many other situations in canon - after all, this is why Harry and Ron became friends with Hermione in the first place. The use of destiny as an actual thing is interesting, too - intriguing, at least. The idea that the three of them were destined to become friends is actually a really clever idea.
The PoV shifts were a little jarring - you basically showed all these different characters' thoughts, and it seemed a little disjointed to me in terms of that. SPaG was pretty decent, no true mistakes in that respect that I noticed. I feel like there was very little description, however. There was very little about what the setting was, or what any given character was thinking, and I feel like the story would benefit from a bit more of that.
Overall, though, it's an intriguing idea, to say the least.
| Soccerisawesome19 chapter 3 . 11/9/2013
Ooh, very interesting! (I already reviewed the other chapters earlier, so I'm reviewing this chapter)
You're right, 'Destiny' is never considered an enemy, it is always considered a friend, someone who kind of guides you along the way. The word itself sounds like that.
So this is a really nice idea, with 'destiny' being the enemy, being challenged by Hermione and Draco :) and with the Golden Trio being a 'No Golden Trio', like your title implies! :D
| Hawkflight7 chapter 1 . 11/5/2013
I love how you twisted this scene so Draco saves her instead. With him going back to get her at the last possible second it's almost as if he felt guilty about leaving her there, which is a nice touch. You did a good job of keeping them in character too. With Hermione being surprised to see Draco.
It would have been better if the fight scene was more action packed. If you were to put thoughts as to how Draco came to the conclusion of using wingardium leviosa especially, otherwise it's just a change of character that does the spell in the book and movie. I know the troll is suppose to be dumb but in the movie you could see that it swung in certain circumstances and smashed in others, so it can make the difference. I was kind of expecting it to swing the club horizontally at Draco so he would have to duck or move more. Would have added more action to the scene.
It does seem more sensible that Ron would suggest they couldn't take on a troll and that Hermione would be okay. Little did they know it's only because of Malfoy. Haha-ha!
This is a nice and original idea!
| Eternally Seventeen chapter 2 . 10/29/2013
I really like your characterisation of Draco here, it is SO him, and I like your little variation of the typical "My father will hear about this!"
You should have mentioned a line about how he spoke his thoughts out loud after he thinks it though, because otherwise it sounds like Nott can mind-read.
I loved the description of the common room and the view through the window, and for some reason the bit about the Great Squid's tentacle on the window made me laugh; such a funny little detail to put on :D
| cleury chapter 2 . 10/29/2013
I really like the idea, I think it has a believable premise that can blossom into something really epic. Because Draco's still pretty young and in the first year, his blood-purism prejudice hasn't properly taken root, so there's hope for him yet! I'm really interested to see what will happen between the Golden Trio because the troll-fighting was the thing that put them together. I think Hermione was sort of a loner before that in the books?
One thing though, I wish the fight scene with the troll was a bit longer, I know they're first years and aren't very good with spells but if the troll moved a bit more, it would have been more intense.
| Lillielle chapter 1 . 10/29/2013
Oh my goodness, I absolutely *love* this idea. I love the thought of Draco being the one to go off and rescue Hermione, although I'm sad that Harry didn't end up having second thoughts and going after her himself. D: Bad Harry. Still, I think Harry and Ron deciding not to go after her was very believable, considering.
The only thing I wish is that it was more...action-oriented. Especially at the beginning, it's more like you're telling, not showing? And I think it would benefit from more action-y things, considering Draco's about to be offed by a troll, and Hermione's in the same boat. I like how Draco tells Hermione not to tell anyone, that's also quite believable. :p Lovely idea!
| Soccerisawesome19 chapter 2 . 10/21/2013
Aw... this is so cute :)
Here are his confused feelings of why he doesn't understand why he risked his precious life for the mudblood. This is written brilliantly, and this is exactly what I can imagine Draco saying.
And the end... [Why can't I get you out of my head?] aw... just adorable. :P
| uncontained hybrid chapter 3 . 10/21/2013
Just wanted to say, I love this story. There are a few SPaG errors. In the first sentence, it should be 'it made her sick every time' and when Destiny says, 'I would', it should be 'I will', and 'there will'.
- Deb x
| loveislouder94 chapter 1 . 10/20/2013
This was a really interesting AU, and I like how you showed a slightly more human side to Draco by having him go back and save her, and even call her Hermione rather than Granger at one point. I liked the detail you included about the Slytherin prefect reassuring them that no troll would attack the purest of Houses. It reflects the superiority that many Slytherins demonstrated during Harry's school years. Well done!
| McClayre chapter 1 . 10/15/2013
I hope you're going to continue this! It's a wonderful idea, I'm excited to see how you continue it! Thanks for writing!
| Fire The Canon chapter 1 . 10/9/2013
This was quite interesting. I quite like the 'what ifs' of stories and that when authors play around with canon and if one thing had been different, a whole new path could have been taken. And I like how that one moment pretty much ruined the friendship between Harry, Ron and Hermione, and therefore might have changed many other events. That was quite interesting.
It was written quite well too. I can see that you really took on board suggestions, especially with grammar, because this was a lot better and much improved, so yay! That makes me happy to see.
What I would have liked to have seen in this fic was maybe something more than just essentially replacing Draco with Harry and Ron. In parts, it was directly copied from the book, and I felt it kind of took away from the originality of it. I get what you were trying to do, but maybe changing things such as Draco using a different spell other than the levitating one, and the dialogue would have made it a lot better. Also, I'm not really sure WHY Draco went to rescue her. Maybe an explanation for that, because without one, it is a bit OOC on his part to go and help her.
Over all, though, this is the best written thing of yours I've read. So well done.
| yellow 14 chapter 1 . 10/8/2013
Hmm...a little ooc with Draco and the final result was an almost identical outcome from the books. Still an interesting idea. Keep writing