great job on the story thank you

thank you for the story so far

thank you

holly tomolly getting good thanks

wow getting good thanks for the story so far

thank you

thank you for the story so far

thank you for the story

The use... of ... to denote a pause is a ... useful tool but... you are ... overdoing ... it in ... this ... chapter.

This chapter read, very, choppy and the flow, of the , words seem the be interrupted by- all things aside- , spurious interruptions that, irritate the reader to, oblivion.

I don't know why your writing style has changes so much, but this chapter was exceptionally difficult to read. Not by content or storyline but you seem to have developed a written stutter in your storytelling.

Now that is a good start to a story.

I love the realistic way the "flashback" was handled, so much more appropriate to have it as a memory-dream than the crude scene-jump that most authors employ.

This is a good story. I hope you continue it.

I hope to see more of this great story. I t has alot of new ideas or new ways to view old ones.

The over-the-top sexual innuendo doesn't fit well with pre-teens, and the Dom/Sub stuff is way out of my comfort zone.

Well written, but definitely weird.