|Reviews for As the White Birds Fly|
| KittehVader chapter 1 . 2/17/2014
This was very good, MH! I was pleasantly surprised.
I liked your reference to Legolas' earlier experience, and the final sentence had such powerful energy- it was just very lovely to read through. Well done!
| Aria Breuer chapter 1 . 10/15/2013
Good story. You did well, while keeping the story from Frodo's perspective, keeping Frodo in-character, something which I myself appreciate. I didn't catch any grammatical errors during this read, so you did good with that.
Well done. Mind if I put your story in my community, 'A Hobbit's Comeback'?
| Naomi chapter 1 . 10/15/2013
Wow! nice story..
| mngirl chapter 1 . 10/8/2013
Interesting! Never thought about what Frodo's thought process as he sailed might have been. I really liked the last line.
| Certh chapter 1 . 10/8/2013
Nice little insight.
There were a few slip-ups I thought best to bring to your attention.
- 'siting' - needs another 't'.
- A comma is needed after 'fight with trolls'.
- The full stop after 'When I look back' should be replaced with a comma; the comma after 'given me the Ring should be replaced with a full stop. Just in order to have correct flow and avoid comma splices.
- 'He looked me straight in the eye' - the 'he' doesn't have to be capitalised; and it should be 'looked straight at me'.
- The comma after 'My shoulder twitches painfully' should be replaced with a full stop.
- Valinor is a realm, so 'the blessed city' should either be 'the blessed realm' or 'the blessed land'.
- Strictly speaking, both the words 'dwarves' and 'elves' should be capitalised, since, in this case, they refer to races.
- Since the narrative is written in the present tense, the last two sentences should be written in it, too. That would make the flow better. 'shined' (whose correct past tense is 'shone') should be 'shine'; 'echoed' should be 'echo'; 'will soar' should be 'soars'.
| nosmaeth chapter 1 . 10/8/2013
Sweet! :) He deserves rest...