|Reviews for Halloween Vengeance|
| Edicedia chapter 1 . 11/18/2013
You took my two favorite pokemon characters and combined them.. You are amazing and this is just perfect. Morty in team rocket? That thought never even crossed my mind but it works so well! And him and Proton being partners? Wowww the perfect match.
This really makes me happy.
| Farla chapter 1 . 10/31/2013
[the chocolaty, nuggety treat ]
This is pretty overwritten. He's unwrapping a candy bar. He doesn't even much care that it's candy. Yet for some reason you're going on about it like this.
Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
[a Growlithe ]
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[questioning to herself, "my Growlithe, why did you die?" ]
Questioning isn't a speech tag you just chuck in whenever there's a question mark involved. She also wasn't saying it "to herself" because what you wrote is, while hideously clunky (what on earth is that "my" doing there?) definitely addressed to someone else. Someone might use the specific phrase "talking to herself" to mean she's speaking when there's no one else there and not just the literal meaning of saying things aimed at herself, but since he can see the ghost there, even that wouldn't make sense.
Seriously, this is so overwritten it's tripping over itself. Spend less time trying to make your story look good and more on actually making it be good.