|Reviews for The Heavens Shall Tremble|
| Aftermath212 chapter 23 . 8/15
Hope you feel better soon! I'm not usually into AU, but this is very interesting and extremely well written. I never realized how much events could change if quarians made first contact.
| Orumon chapter 23 . 6/30
Nice of you to put this up regardless of your problems and hope you make a full recovery
| Revliledpembroke chapter 1 . 5/16
It's getting harder and harder for me to believe (on this my second read throug) that two representative governments (and their people) would hate each other this much. In fact, representative governments tend to work together. I can see the League fearing the Citadel and being an alliance of protection. But I see no real reason for anyone but the Citadel Councilors to hate the League. They appeared by defending themselves from the Turians, declared that all sentients should be treated equally, and then practiced what they preached.
| Barona chapter 23 . 5/14
Thank you so much for a wonderful series of stories. I spent an entire weekend curled up in a chair reading them start to the current endpoint! Awesome.
Hope you get better!
| mcrae1o1nick chapter 2 . 4/13
| ATP chapter 23 . 3/28
| Guest chapter 23 . 3/19
Omg great stuff I read the first part of this and the second and it's amazing. Very good stuff very good immersion and depth very good made me want to replay me3 even with the bad ending but this stuff is good! Love it!
| Mitsuki Shigamatsu chapter 10 . 3/14
| Guest chapter 2 . 12/4/2015
who the halibut is Nara? Did you mean Prazza? (impromptu pre-Eden meeting(
| HairyLimey chapter 23 . 11/16/2015
God i love this story i hope you update again soon.
| jschneids chapter 23 . 11/9/2015
Hi there - been reading/marathoning this and Meeks lately, and first off I'd like to congratulate you on constructing this in-depth of a story; the scale of it is an achievement in and of itself. I'm always a fan of a good alternate universe tale and was pleasantly surprised to stumble across this. I love the Cold War Citadel/League dynamic and how you've mix-and-matched different "canon" points with different characters. From a plot standpoint really the only quibble I have is that Morinth seems really OP (being able to easily psychically overwhelm the Thorian? Kind of tough to buy that in my opinion) but otherwise big fan; kudos in particular to your use of the yahg. That being said a few friendly pieces of advice for you.
First off there's a decent number of minor mistakes that could easily be fixed by closer proofreading; mix ups with homophones (birth vs berth), place names (Illium vs Ilos), and the occasional rogue punctuation mark have gotten rarer since earlier chapters, but the can be very jarring for a reader when they slip beneath the radar.
The other things are more style related. Every now and then you have the tendency to club people over the head with loads of exposition/lore/catch-up from Meeks. I can appreciate the necessity of this but doing so in large chunks can really break up the flow of things. One solution I've seen to this in other ME fics is to have such things in a separate "Codex" entry at the start or end of a chapter. That way you still get the info drop but the dry and encyclopedic tone is not out of place, and readers can skip them if they so chose. Another alternative would be to thin such blocks out, spreading them through narration or dialogue; dialogue based world-building and plot can be beautifully effective when done right (i.e. George R.R. Martins Song of Fire and Ice).
Specifically speaking I see this a lot in your space battles (side note, love the fact that you're incorporating so many major space battles - always felt ME was lacking in that department); in the battle for Kher'shan you wrote in recent chapters the majority of the respective generals' strategies were conveyed through relatively isolated narration-heavy segments. These get the job done, but at times tend towards being a little dry. Breaking that up and delivering some more of it via, say, dialogue between Guld and an officer, could easily rectify this. Striking a balance between passive (narrator "The grass is green") and active (dialogue based or active narration "The wind whistled through the green grass") description can be a tough feat and definetly requires experimentation, but it can greatly improve the flow of your writing.
As a side note, sorry to hear about your health and hope things improve; trying to balance real life with writing time is a struggle I'm familiar with and less than a fan of. Anyways, hope all this helps, and hope to be seeing more of your writing soon.
| A Markov chapter 23 . 10/28/2015
Well, my track record for finding good stories that will never be finished seems to be unbroken.
You're overly optimistic and the relationships between your characters is somewhat simplistic but you still put out a very engaging, narrative-driven story that has pulled me through about 350K words and has me wanting more. This is an interesting take on "what if" and your love for the source material shines through.
I hope your medical condition improves and you find good health on the other side of your upcoming procedures.
Until next time, I'll leave you with this:
"I admit it's weak
but, I give it a week
until our friends the meek,
give it back."
-BNL (second Best)
| Hero of the Multiverse chapter 23 . 10/24/2015
Not gonna lie, I was not expecting that interaction just there.
| magnusvictor chapter 23 . 10/8/2015
Yikes! I hope you recover as best as possible from all those medical problems! (And not just so that we can see more of your story!)
| RheasHelm chapter 23 . 10/7/2015
I'm sorry to hear about your health issues. Thanks so much for popping in anyway and uploading a new chapter, and all the best with the surgeries and your recovery.
That Ash replaced Tyri so easily with Liara was a bit... hasty, I'm sure she would have recovered soon enough. :)