|Reviews for Origin Story|
| Metroidvania chapter 29 . 17h
Hm...first thought was the Skrull after immediately reading this in one sitting, but Hydra makes sense, and is even somewhat apropos considering the current Steve slash Hydra shenanigans going on. Somewhat curious as to how they got to Carol so 'easily', but I'm sure that'll be touched upon more in the coming chapters.
On some level, I'm not 100% following on the evolution between Xander (and Kara/Karen) to Alex - it's not poorly done by any means, but at times feels like an important bit of introspection or two is missed in the early chapters, as Alex is exploring options with Louise, and Alex being okay with being female - there's stuff like the period, or Xander exploring his new body, but I still feel like there's a part of the highway that maybe could have been explored in more detail when getting from the beginning to now. Some of that may be due to me mainlining this all in one go and not digesting it in chapter-sized bits, but I'm not sure.
I must admit curiosity as to the 'Alex will realize she's been a woman all along' aspect in the spoiler - if anything, the slight body dysmorphia (and overcoming it) worked pretty well, albeit I was unsure of where the 'real Karen Starr' angle might come into play. With that not being a part of the picture, the logical explanation then turns to someone cloning/magicking a power girl clone into the marvel universe...and then Janus having a laugh and inserting a bit of Xander for the lols because the magic was set up so perfectly it'd be a shame to not cause some more chaos? But I suppose that will come in time.
Somewhat curious as to whether or not there's a picture (Elseworld, perhaps?) of the Superwoman alternate costume - I'm not overly familiar with alternate Super universes (a bit more of a Batman fan, generally), but it sounds interesting.
In any case, lovely story, looking forward to more.
| ShadowRyan chapter 29 . 5/14
Hey! I love the story. I first followed it on TTH and just now found it again on here and saw it had more chapters than TTH. I also saw your profile which told me why. I'm sorry to hear you had a hell of a time with a Mod on TTH but I'm glad you still kept writing this. Not to mention your health problems sorry to hear about those, hope you feel better. I have alerted and favorite it for this site now! Good job and good luck with getting better.
| rc48177 chapter 28 . 5/5
Wait... was this a thing? Weren't the skrulls preparing their invasion?
| rc48177 chapter 27 . 5/5
You know, I almost forgot about the Secret invasion
| rc48177 chapter 7 . 5/4
Really starting to like this story
| Guest chapter 22 . 4/30
Sure love the villain you've created here.
| hunter81095 chapter 29 . 4/23
This story is pretty great, especially since it's not as straight forward as I was lead to believe when I first read it, it's my favorite Buffy crossover that I've read in decent memory, and I am loving all the twists and turns you've implemented into it.
Although, I will admit that I thought Cheney was going to be Hydra, and WWW Bush was going to be hypnotized, due to the fact Cheney was telling Bush what he was going to do way back when Stark, Thunderbolt, and Norman Osborn were leaving their meeting with him. Seeing that it was before I acclimatized to your writing style, my mind cooked up a humorous idea of Bush actually being intelligent, but Hydra was drugging him and brainwashing him to be a retarded ass monkey.
I like this better.
I look forward to the next chapter with bated breath, especially since I can smell a good old fashioned Hydra beat down in the making, until a magic user shows up or something.
| novohank chapter 1 . 4/12
..race their cars on the sale... possibly ...on the salt?
...a man of the western coast of the united states possibly ... a map..?
I have finished and am re-reading the story... please Sir can I have some more?
I'll try to send you any other oopsies as I find.
| RED chapter 20 . 4/12
Type, type, typos!...
one hundred and seventeen million feet is 23,000 miles, not 23 miles. I assume you meant thousand feet? Unless she was supposed to be in geosynchronous orbit at 23,200 miles.
She turned on two axes axis, not axes.
-while 90s music played in the background. 90's, of course.
Moored that's it. Moored, that's it!
Given your prior precedent, it should be 'USS Alabama', and 'Alabama' should be italics.
-going to hit a drive through should be a drive-thru, one word with the hyphen.
-of the homophobic jackass and now you. 'not' you, I assume.
"Puddy Tat here - " should again be 'here-,"
"The boss wants to - " Sabretooth.. Same thing. 'to-," Sabretooth
" You treat her - " same thing again. 'her-," '
"Uh -" : same thing again.' "Uh." It was one of the other men'. Period this time because you stopped the sentence to start it with It. If you meant it as ' "Uh-," one of the other men spoke up', that's different, too, and you keep a comma for continuity of sentence.
Surprisingly, its magnetic. 'it's'.
to the buses axle. - I'm actually not sure if this is right or wrong. I'd probably use ' bus' axle' myself.
| RED chapter 21 . 4/12
wore men's sizes or bought as specialty stores." 'at'.
reading 'Scarlett's Cabaret'over the door. Your prior precedent has been putting the names of places in Italics, not quotes. And spacing, Cabaret' over...
- wizard is a stripper -" Alex shook her head again. This should be " is a stripper..." Alex shook" because you're 'trailing off' with words, and ending the sentence. - Means you are continuing it on the other side, and you'd need a comma at that point.
-of Nico Minoru, her eyes seemed to line up. Assume you meant 'light up'?
"Yeah, sure, technically It could get you home... Capitalized 'it'.
"I'll - I got to-"She looked This should be "I'll-I got to-," she looked
"What? You want me to -" But Alex was... Should be 'want me to-," but Alex was already... Continuing a sentence, again.
-looked for all the world it looked like the tail of a helicopter... another double rep, remove 'it looked like'.
-stared at her, open-mouthed. "I -" Should be "I-". Period cause it ends.
I want to confirm that you have the him and her in the correct order for the 911 roll call sexual assault thing...
- And don't move! Don't even breath! It's 'breathe'.
-She eyes Alex, who 'eyed'.
Louise shook her head. "it's not. Obviously, 'It's'.
-you find out your stuck being rich and pretty Obviously, 'you're'.
-I'm actually having some fun finding these on the rereads. You don't have to post them in the reviews if you don't like or feel they embarrass you. But you did invite us to edit for you!
| RED chapter 26 . 4/12
Minor timing point of continuity you probably missed.
IN Ch. 22, you specifically mention Bill Foster's funeral/death...which was caused by the THor Clone. Yeah, the clone blew a blast through his chest to kill him. Tony couldn't shut it down because Cap had deactivated his armor.
Above in this Chapter, you mention that the clone 'is probably going to kill someone.' Since he already has, an 'else' would fix those thoughts/statements.
| RED chapter 22 . 4/12
Typo: She glanced in the sink, which was 'not' full of her hair. now full of?
You hate it don't you. You hate it, don't you? (talking about the hair being cut)
Hands on your head. Cross your fucking ankles. I have the feeling these two sentences should have exclamation marks!
tie these assholes up, just in case the regain consciousness before next July" 'they', I presume.
-just the wig and glasses. It's a hole thing. Presume you meant 'whole'.
Now, don't take this the wrong way, but are Karen Starr..." Presume you meant 'are you Karen Starr' .
-a girlfriend, earlier. Your seeing someone?" 'You're' again. Contractions!
Can you name a person you be willing to have sex with the second time. Assume you mean 'would be willing'...
-gave himself a shrug and keeps walking. Assume you meant 'kept' walking.
the entire south-eastern United States. southeastern is one word.
Maybe the discuss the cost of having those scratches... first 'the' is redundant, I think?
| RED chapter 28 . 4/10
To Alex, it sounded like it needed work." - Extra quotation marks.
Should be "Hey, you don't need to-," but that was as far as she got. Add comma, no capital But.
Should be: Rogers had informed him such uniforms were called 'dress greens'.
'had sealed leaks in the basement piped of Buffy's house' - should be pipes.
Should be: "What? Why the-," Buffy's mouth... - Punctuation.
(You seem to have a problem with - marks. Just treat them like normal words.)
Should be: 'treating her like, like-," Vi thought about it for a second,"like she was a yeast infection...'
"Why do you have to be such a bitch all the time?" Vi startled. Should be 'was' startled...
Should be: ' what 'Alex' is really, she could be-," and that was as far as she got... If you want it to be 'And that was as far, replace the comma with a period.
Should be, 'in about 30 seconds," Tony Stark's voice... Comma, not period.
'is this person so important that risking the entire leadership of the resistance in one go?' is not a sentence. That it was worth risking the entire leadership in one go?, I think you meant.
One little history/data gripe. Walker wasn't subjected to the same kind of super soldier experiments as Rogers. He got his super-strength from the Power Broker for work as an Unlimited Class Wrestler originally, and then went patriotic with his buddies Left-winger and Right-winger... Also, John Walker is much stronger then Cap is, because of the nature of his power, but doesn't have nearly the reflexes. He's probably closer to Ultimate Cap in terms of raw physical ability.
"-worry about Walker. I've got this." - You missed the quotation marks.
And I know you love Spidey, but someone with Cap's skill can indeed be a threat to Spidey. His 'speed' and strength, not so much.
'catching just enough of to cling to.' I think you meant 'of it to cling to.'
In the second to last line of the initial rescue, you don't have Tony Stark's radio voice in italics like you do all the other times he speaks.
When Alex takes off from the dock, you might want to add something like 'gaping' or 'dumbstruck' to the man she doesn't knock down. Remember, no heroes on this world!
Should probably be 'slamming the truck 'over' onto two wheels.' I'd also note that there were still six marines inside the truck at that point...who are probably wondering what was going on...since you never tell us they disembark or are handled.
"Get him on board the jet..." paragraph. Again, Stark's radio voice should be in italics to conform with prior precedent.
Should be 'Now it was their job to heal the woman's hurts and soothe..." -Typoed the 'e' on soothe. Then 'Tony stark repeated this, endlessly.' Capitalize Stark.
I think you meant 'but I'm the one who 'has' to make the report.'
'It had to dial or punch-numbers' - typo, I think you meant 'no' dial...
Should be 'The President glanced at the Vice-President'. - Odd error, you got it right earlier in the same story. Also, 'The President started to speak..." and also in your notes at the end, 'last bit with the President'.
'It isn't over yet" -Forgot the period.
Keep up the story! Looking forwards to more!
| RED chapter 26 . 4/10
Nice math on the acceleration. I just wonder why she stopped at Mach 10. Let's assume when she arrived and went into geostationary orbit she went up about twenty miles, where the atmosphere starts really going away...she reached that distance in one second, so she would have had to be moving REALLY fast to make it that distance in one second (i.e. 40 miles per second if she sped up and slowed down equally, or Mach 190ish).
Of course, maybe Mach 10 was only the start of her power dive...
| RED chapter 26 . 4/10
Typo: Stark waiting for cap: wasn't the kind 'to' leave a friend hanging, not 'of'.
ALex arrives on buffyworld: 'Or maybe even bone that had been died blue.' Should be dyed.
'Its stood in for Orlando, Tampa,...' Should be It's, short for It has...
And I learned a new definition for pneumatic as applied to women...
Should be: ...'send someone to pick up the girlfriend," and ended the call. Had a period, caps, and 'the' as 'he'.
Should be 'Stop broadcasting and retune your radio now, please.' You have 're tune'.