|Reviews for Tremble Mortal|
| reaper11 chapter 12 . 1/26
I just realised beast boy could have used the hammer of God on cinderblock to knock him out easier
| Dixxy chapter 18 . 1/2
Alright, so this is another magnificent story, which deserves all the praises. I had been somewhat lukewarm abt ADD ODDS, but this story here finds me fully delighted again. It's not 100%, but pretty close anyway.
I'l start with the bad, to quickly get rid of it, and focus on the good.
TYPOS : ya may advocate that ya re-read and corrected it, yet there remains numerous misspellings, especially in the first and last chapters (the middle ones are okay). Did ya use Auto-correct, by chance ? Coz honestly, that thing may be meant to help people, yet it rather is a hinder, correcting stuff that doesn't need corrections and leaving typos where it should correct them. Best is to correct yourself, and so i've told other writers. In case ya did it yourself, though... well, ya can do better ! ;) Maybe ya were tired or distracted, to leave so many in your story... I'm sure ya could hv submitted a much more correct text with a bit more focus. NO hard feelings, eh !
REPETITIONS : if there's one thing i dislike in yr otherwise awesome stories, it's your repetitions. It can be word repetitions (verbs "muse" and "intone" hv been used excessively, until nausea... finding synonyms was a better way to make yr story even more qualitative, style-wise !), villain repetitions (Cinderblock is kind of a worn-out enemy in yr stories; i understand if ya like it, but it's monotonous to always find him there... Same thing wz Adonis, even if in less excessive proportions (it also used to be the case wz Dr. Light, btw)... there are enough enemies in TT to use more than always the same ones), sequences repetitions (showers in AT ODDS, massages in this one). See, one thing i hate in life is monotony, routine, so i quickly get bored when people show little originality in their expressing themselves and limit themselves to the same patterns, on and on. On the contrary, i'm always admirative when people try to vary their glossary and find new expressions to avoid repetitions.
TIME EXAGGERATIONS : As pointed out in AT ODDS, ya sometimes use some really really short sequences sometimes, some that are not realistic. In this one, when Star brings back mail, ya say that it takes him less than half a second (if i remember well) to grab the mail from her... which is a tad too short IMO ! And in the next chapter, when BB is flying over the schools to try and find the one the Jocker trapped, ya say that his look focuses less than a second on each building. Can one actually FOCUS in such a ridiculously short time sequence, less than a second ? I don't think so. Ya can sure choose brief moments to express these, but careful not to exaggerate ! Otherwise, it seems impossible, unrealistic !
CHARACTER REACTIONS : I get BB's reaction and his animosity towards Speedy, knowing that the latter was trying to seduce Rae, yet i don't deem it acceptable for him to attack the archer. Indeed, Rae wasn't together wz BB at the time, so anyone would hv the right to come to her... making it therefore unjust to be attacked for ! He could have talked to him, or tried to act himself in order to hv Rae get attracted to HIM & not Speedy. But his violent reaction to Speedy wasn't right.
Also, i was extremely disappointed by Starfire's proposal to share Beast Boy. That really was... stupid ? Maybe not, but of a really dumb naivety. How could someone like Raven, so special and different, ever agree to such a thing ? But that's not the worst. After Rae clearly stated, in her icy tone, that she refused to share... Star even had the nerve to RE-PROPOSE Star the same thing later ! She hears herself being coldly denied the sharing, yet STILL asks again ?! Really, really disappointing reaction, even for someone naive as Starfire. A NO is a NO... why insist, especially if the initial request was already almost insulting, disrespectful ?!
And finally, as i said, the Raven-Aquald incident was uncalled for, as a reviewer pertinently pointed out. Because such a dramatic plot device cannot come out "free", and has to yield a certain aftermath, certain consequences. Relationship bw characters should change, be altered to some extent, because of the drama. There should be an outcome, regarding this unwanted sexual fondling. Yet no. Nothing happens about it. It's just there and has no influence on the relationship, or wz BB. It's as if disconnected from the whole plot, wzout consequences. So, as such, it shouldn't be there. Because dramatic scenes aren't meant to occur wzout any cause or consequences, they must have some influence on the story, even the slightest one. Too bad, really, that ya put this here.
That was for the constructive criticism part. Now to the positive.
This story is so wonderful, so fantastic, so catchy, so moving, so breathtaking ! I have to admire such great authoress as ya ! Your plots are so clever, so well-crafted, so imaginative ! You really are that talented, Girl ! It's always such an almost unspeakable delight to dive into your fantasy world !
The Slade part was just awesome, and i wish ya had stretched it on longer. I would have been curious to see Ghostling have more interactions wz the Titans B4 surrendering ! It was really admirable, and so dramatic !
The Joker part was also terrible, so suspenseful, so frightening, with that neurotoxin thing... The cliffhanger wz Raven falling unconscious due to that neurotoxin was a real must ! I liked how they had difficulty to locate the gas, how BB sneaked in there and did all the precision job ! BB is actually almost as brainy, if not more, than Robin or Cyborg... I also enjoyed how they cured Harley Quinn ! Poor of her... i really felt sorry for her...
And then, the marvelous stadium final battle wz the GG, wz BB sacrificing himself and Rae turning into her fully demonic self... That was of an absolutely incredible intensity !
The last chappy, wz the nostalgic remembrance of BB's childhood, was so touching, so sad... I must tip my hat at ya for such brilliantly moving stuff ! What great emotion flowed from this !
The three last chapters were absolute gems, of baffling quality, high up in your best chapters ever, i think ! Kudos for the whole story, of course, but even more for these three !
And naturally, naturally... there were the so sweet moments bw the lovers ! Mmmmmh, was that nice to read ! And funny how ya made Rage so sweet, so amorous in this one... therefore so remote from her usual ferocious self (except for last-to-one chappy, eh eh !). And hoe the emoticlones constantly bothered Rae to hv her soften and give in to Love's power, with her then rebuffing them. Eh eh, that was pretty amusing !
There was so much imagination (except for repetitive stuff...) in this story, such cleverness, such brilliant ideas, such endearing character behaviours, such suspense, such intense battles and searches that i'm absolutely "sated", literary-wise, after finishing it. It was a gem. All your stories are gems, some brighter (THE EMOTICLONE WAR, SHAPES, this one) to me, but all are fantastically qualitative and brilliantly "plotted" !
I humbly bow before your astonishing talent, and i really have to tell ya (if i didn't yet...) that you've become my fav' wriTTEr, no less !
Once again, loads of thanxxxx for this superb fiction here, and looking forward to read the last 2 sTTories ya published !
Bravo, bravo, bravo and bravo, "Ghostling" ! ;)
) L (
| RavenSerendipity chapter 16 . 11/9/2014
Haha. Loved how raven accidentally brought robin out of his shower, and then proceeded to humiliate him. The funny part that nearly made me choke with laughter was when she said that robin had been flashing them. Seriously, I nearly died laughing. :D
| pikachewy1 chapter 4 . 8/7/2014
Beast Boy is incredibly entertaining as a villain. Reading this while listening to "right behind you" from the tf2 soundtrack really sets the mood.
| AdolescentPrimordial chapter 18 . 6/1/2014
I liked this story, especially how in depth and original you made it. I kinda wished for more BBRae, and that their relationship had escalated quicker, but I kinda love their obliviousness, or at least Raven's. This version of BB awed me; I love his humorous nature, and his moments of seriousness and being all sweet; but this just took him to whole new level of epicness. I also liked the incorporation of unique villains. And I'm with you on Robin, he can be kinda a douche. Well, anyways I loved the story, and your others. For your BBRae stories, I want SEQUELS!
| shugokage chapter 18 . 5/1/2014
Incredible story and amazing ending to this story!
| Alec33 chapter 18 . 4/19/2014
Great story! Your's are quickly becoming my favorites
| Alec33 chapter 15 . 4/19/2014
What was that fanfiction?
| Alec33 chapter 14 . 4/19/2014
haha nice hint
| Alec33 chapter 11 . 4/19/2014
That. Sucks. Great story though!
| Alec33 chapter 10 . 4/19/2014
As soon as she lit the candle I was thinking of that possibility!
| Alec33 chapter 7 . 4/19/2014
Honestly I liked Ghostling. Maybe an AU with him in it or something in the future?
| Alec33 chapter 6 . 4/19/2014
I can't wait to see how this is resolved!
| Alec33 chapter 5 . 4/19/2014
Great chapter! I love how the heroes are honestly the best when it comes to being villains
| Alec33 chapter 4 . 4/19/2014
I wonder how BB's going to react if he becomes aware of what he's done. And what was the chapter initially like?